Chapter Nineteen— Orphans

Oh, sweet, sweet Friday. I should have been happy, and I almost was. Then Candy tried to surprise me with a mug of cocoa in the morning.

“Posey,” she called my name and woke me from my sleep. I opened my eyes and saw her standing over me. And watching the puppy that was draped across my hip. “Who is this?” she pointed.

Shit.

I sat up and put Scully on my lap. She didn’t even wake up. “Um, I meant to tell you about that. But I kind of fell asleep before I could.” The lie sounded convincing so far…

“Go on,” she said as she handed me the mug.

“I found her yesterday after school. She was wandering all alone and I couldn’t leave her. So I got her a little food and brought her here. I didn’t know what else to do.”

Candy looked at the puppy before she scratched her chin. “No posters for her?”

“Nope.”

She sighed. “Well, you did the right thing. But Archie’s allergic to pet dander. She can’t stay here, honey.”

“I texted Mona. She’s trying to find a home for her. Do you think I can keep her here for just a couple days?”

She took another look at Scully. “Yeah. I don’t see what else you can do with her. Just try and keep her away from Archie and the furniture. Do you need me to pick her up anything from the store?” She went back to petting the puppy, who was absolutely loving it.

“No. I think she’ll have a new home before she needs more food.”

“Jesus, she’s so cute. You just found this poor little girl all alone? I can’t believe no one is looking for her.”

Don’t panic! “I know. It’s so sad. Maybe her mom was a stray.”

She kissed Scully’s head and stood up. “Well, I should maybe definitely skip work today and take her out to the park while you’re in school.”

I smiled. “I don’t have a leash for her or anything.”

She stole my puppy and held her close. She slipped right into a baby voice as she spoke. “Oh, she’s such a good girl that she doesn’t even need one. No you don’t.” She looked back to me from the puppy she was in love with. “Does she have a name?”

“Scully.”

“Oh, trust no one, Scully!” She bounced the puppy. “I have some doggy things from when we had Harv. How about I tell you all about Harv? He was a big dog…” She started walking. “Patton got him for me when I was eighteen…” She left.

While I was trying to get dressed, I was ignoring dirty texts from Nickolas. There were… so many. I’ll be the first to admit that most of them sounded upsettingly appealing, but not at seven in the morning.

I had on a skirt along with a plain shirt—since it was casual Friday and I could—and my R2 socks that hit my thighs and I knew that was gonna be an issue. I kept them on anyway.

I was halfway down the stairs when I saw Patton and Scully. He was in full-blown baby talk as he pet her tummy. She was rolling around the floor while Candy dug around a drawer.

“Having fun?” I laughed while watching Patton.

He looked over his shoulder at me. “How can I not? Look at this face.” He gestured to the puppy. “Ah, I miss having a dog.”

“Don’t get attached,” Candy warned as she pulled a collar from the drawer.

“I know,” he pouted.

I left for school just as Patton was taking the kids. I guess Candy wasn’t kidding about playing hooky to hang out with the dog. I took a loop around the block just to make sure there were no lost dog signs I had to tear down. Wouldn’t ya know it, not a one. That made me happy and sad at the same time.

I left my poor defenseless bike all alone at the bike holding thingy and started walking. I ignored the boy that was leaning against his car, waiting for me. I also ignored it when he left his car to walk beside me and hold my hand.

That son of a bitch.

“You didn’t text me back,” he said as we reached the top of the hill.

“No I didn’t. What did you expect me to say?”

“I was hoping it would be something along the lines of ‘please pick me up so that I can let you go to town on me in the back of your car. Then we can get lunch and see a movie.’”

That… didn’t sound like a bad day. “We have a test today.”

“I care little.”

I knew I should have let go of his hand. It would have been the smart thing to do. But I wasn’t very smart, and his hand felt warm. I couldn’t say no to something that made me feel wanted. Not when it was something as innocent as this.

We got to the gym door, and Nickolas let go of me, forcing out a thank you from me when he opened it. We separated to change and met back up on the bleachers. He sat close enough that our sides were touching. He didn’t hold my hand again.

“Are you coming over later?” he asked.

“I’m invited?”

“Obviously you are allowed over whenever you want. You’re my mate. My home is yours.”

“I’m not an animal, Nickolas. I’m not your mate.”

“It has nothing to do with what you are. It’s what you are to me. You’re my mate. And I know that you’re not mine. But you’re… mine.” He shook his head. “It’s hard to convey.”

I guess I had to live with him calling me his mate. He’d find a new mate eventually. I probably had about a month of this before he just moved on to a new girl.

The goddamned band marched into the gym, taking their spot on the bleachers on the other side of the room. They didn’t say a word before they started slamming sticks onto drums and trying to bust my ears.

When Coach Glover came out, she held a megaphone and staring daggers at the band kids. She raised the thing to her lips. “Since we’re joined by the band today—at the principal’s request—it’s a free day. Don’t break anything and don’t get hurt and you can do whatever you want.” She sat on the bottom of the bleachers and set her megaphone down.

Nickolas patted my leg and leaned into my ear so I could hear him. “What would you like to do, Cupcake?”

I grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer so he could hear me this time. “You assume I’ll spend class with you?”

“Of course.”

“Kind of arrogant to just think that.”

He shrugged. “We don’t have to even move. I don’t care what we do as long as it’s together.” He didn’t even try to touch me. He just sat there, confident in himself and what he thought was real to him.

So we sat there. I watched the girls in the class as they danced to the poorly represented top forty that the band was attempting to play. It was silly dancing anyway. Some of the boys tried dragging their girls away but they weren’t having it. Eventually a couple of the boys were dragged into it buy the girls. The things men did for sex will never stop shocking me.

Nickolas nudged my shoulder with his. “Because I care about you, I’ll offer to do that.” He nodded at the kids. “With you. Since you seem to want to.”

I smiled. “Sweet of you to offer, but I’m fine right here.” I put my head on his shoulder and he put his cheek on my head. I pretended for a little while that he wouldn’t get sick of his eventually. Sick of me. How could he not? It was the pattern after all.

He walked me to my next class and kissed my forehead before he left. I didn’t even care about the chatter that caused. When the bell rang and he walked away from me, Nickolas didn’t care that I’d made him late. I got a smile before he left.

***

My bike was being loaded into Nickolas’ trunk before I even got to him. I never actually said I was coming over, but I guessed he took my silence as a yes. Whatever. At least he would feed me.

I stopped beside him and put a hip against the side of the car. “We’re not sitting in bed together.”

He looked at me quizzically. “Why’s that?”

“Because, you might try something if we’re already in a bed.”

“Not a lotta options, Cupcake. Floor or bed.”

I frowned. He had a point.

He pulled his keys from his pocket. “You know how to drive?”

“Yeah. I got my license before I was booted. Why?”

He tossed the keys to me and I just barely caught them. Keys to his Jag. This wonderful car that I was borderline obsessed with. “Why are these in my hand?” I turned over the little cluster of keys and key chains. One with Dahlia’s picture on them.

“Wanna drive today?”

I looked at him with wide eyes. “Are you kidding?”

“Nope.”

My body got all tingly at the thought and I threw myself on Nickolas. He caught me and I hugged the life out of him. “You’re the best ever!” I kissed his cheek before I knew what I was doing. But bless him, he didn’t take advantage of what in that moment, he would have been able to.

He set me on my feet. “Thank you.” He smiled.

I ran to the car and got inside. Apparently I was so eager that I forgot to buckle up. Nickolas took care of that for me. Then I put the key in the ignition and turn it. The car came to life and that got me going in a way I chose to not be ashamed of.

“Easy when you go,” he warned me. “It’s a lot more power than you’re probably used to.”

I rolled my eyes. “Such a man. You assume I can’t handle it.”

“If I thought you couldn’t handle it, you wouldn’t be behind the wheel right now. Just be careful.”

“I will be.”

I started driving and it was amazing. The car ran like nothing else and Nickolas even let me pick the music we played. He seemed to trust me just fine behind the wheel. But I was going a little slower than he normally went. I wasn’t insane, I was aware that if I crashed this car then I couldn’t ever make it up to him. So I was plenty careful.

We got to the daycare and Nickolas took my hand again for the walk. Dahlia was happy to see me. I think part of her thought that every time I left, I wouldn’t come back. After she was in the car, Nickolas went to the driver’s side.

“Hey! What are you doing?” I peered over at him from the other side of the car.

“Sorry, Cupcake, but the kid’s here. I’m taking over.” He got in and I didn’t fight him.

I settled into my seat and tried not to pout. He patted my knee in a piss poor way to comfort me, then he started for home.

We got back and I sat up on the counter with Dahlia on my lap as Nickolas worked on grilled cheese. He plated hers first and she ditched me like I was nothing to go and eat. Then came mine. I ate beside Nickolas because I was kinder than Dahlia. And when Nickolas’ was done, he stood next to me to eat.

“What movie today?” he asked Dahlia after she changed for her nap. He was at her DVD shelf looking it over.

“'Scarface,'” she said.

Nickolas whipped his head back at her with the same puzzled expression I had. “Where did you hear about that movie?”

“Twitter.”

“Where did you hear about Twitter?”

“Kaylee from class. She told me that her daddy watched the movie with her.”

“How does Twitter factor into that?”

“Kaylee was on Twitter when she told me.”

Nickolas gave up. “How about you watch 'Harry Potter.'”

“Okay.” She smiled.

He put it in and we left for his room. He hopped onto his bed and I followed because I had to. But I wasn’t in the mood for homework, and I said as much.

“We can watch a movie,” he suggested. “Pick something. I probably have it.”

I tapped my fingers on the bed. “Do you have 'Muppets Treasure Island'?”

He scoffed. “Do I have it… are you joking? I have a four-year-old. Of course I have it.” He got up and started shuffling through his collection while I got comfier. I laid on my stomach and put my chin on my folded arms.

Nickolas smiled at me before he came back to bed. He rested his hand on my leg and didn’t take it further. The movie started and he didn’t seem to mind that we were teenagers watching a children’s movie. I was grateful for that. It felt easy, being here with him.

His hand ran up and down the bottom of my leg along my R2 sock. “I used to have a Millennium Falcon-shaped bed when I was a kid. I bet you would have loved it.”

I looked back at him. “Oh, why would you get rid of that? If you had a Falcon bed now, I would have already slept with you.”

He smiled. “Would you have?”

“Totally. We could have done role-playing. I’m Slave Leia of course. You’d be Jabba.”

His brow furrowed. “Really? Not Han? I’m fucking Jabba?”

I laughed at him. “Well, I’d be fucking Jabba. But yeah, you are him.”

“How dare you.”

I turned back and went back to watching the movie. They were in the middle of a song and I settled back down… for a couple minutes.

“You are a cruel girl, you know that?”

I sighed but I didn’t turn back. “How so?”

“First you force this wonderful view on me, knowing I can’t touch you. Then you call me Jabba. You must hate me.”

“I must.” I smirked back at him.

“Oh, them fightin’ words, Cupcake. Don’t make me take revenge on you.”

“I’m not afraid of you, wolf boy. Such a terror, all that licking.”

“I was trying to be affectionate with you. I was telling you that you were mine. And I was trying to get you to pet me.”

“Aww. You wanted to be pet?”

“Yes. Took you forever to figure out.”

“Not my fault, puppy.”

His eyebrows rose again. “Do you want me to attack you?”

I looked forward. “Why would I be scared of the threat of such a cute little puppy?” To slam it on home, I wiggled my butt as I settled again.

“That’s it.” He hopped on me, trapping my body under his without hope of getting free. “How’s this for a puppy, Mrs. Jabba?!” I wiggled and thrashed and he just laughed at me. “Cha too ma Leia kahnkee, ya ee emma loh kah yah lee!”

“Oh my God! You even know the language, you nerd!”

“Got that right.”

I couldn’t stop giggling. “Still not afraid! Let me up!” I wiggled again, but I couldn’t break free.

“You really aren’t making me want to let you go,” he told me.

“I don’t need you to. I can get free on my own,” I informed him as I kept wiggling and laughing. He had a hand on my side and I felt his teeth on my shoulder. Damn dog. He started growling to add to the effect.

His arm snaked around my stomach and he pulled me up, pressing my back to his front. His lips were at my ear. “Give up yet?”

“No! I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!” I managed to turn myself over and onto my back. Then I was looking up at him and his entire face softened. I stopped struggling and he propped up the top half of his body so that we weren’t totally fused together. My legs went to either side of him, and ever so gently, he started moving back and forth against me.

“So.” He smiled. “How was your day?”

I laughed again. “Are we going to try and have a conversation right now?”

“Why not?”

I looked down. “Because you’re between my legs and I am very aware of it.”

“Are you?”

“Yes. Because you’re clearly trying to keep me aware.”

“I don’t see why you would think that.”

“Of course not.”

Nickolas shrugged. “Fine, shall I pick a new topic? Maybe the other one was a little boring. So, why won’t you be with me?”

He didn’t stop moving, but I stopped breathing. “Because you’re mean.” Because I’m scared. That was why. Kim was scared that I was the one with one foot out the door, and maybe I was. But I knew, god did I know that if I went in, I would be all in. No going back because so many people went back on me. I couldn’t only dip my toe in the water. I didn’t know how. I would latch on to any and all love I could get and I wouldn’t ever look back.

But Nickolas… he loved Dahlia. She was the only thing he loved. He could tell me he wanted me until he ran out of air, but that didn’t make it real. He would move on, like they all did, and he’d take all of me with him and his sister. Nothing would remain. I’d be alone.

“I know.” He nodded, his voice honest and soft. “I’m trying to be better. To be what you need me to be. I can if you just give me a chance.”

I can’t risk it. “I’m sorry.”

He half smiled. “I know you are. And because you are, I know that you’ll come around. I don’t know when, but I have eternity.”

Sure, if only he’d care that long.

I needed a subject change, so I looked down again. “Is this even doing anything for you?”

“Oh, so much. Don’t you worry about that. You?”

“Nothing,” I lied. “Can’t feel a thi—” He crashed hard into me, and I almost whimpered a little. Felt that… really felt that.

“Now?” he asked.

I bit my lip. “Nope.”

It had the desired effect and he did it again, and again. He put his lips to the skin on my neck. “If I keep going like this, you may start to like it.”

Ha. “Doubtful,” I lied. He kept going and my legs tightened against him so that he couldn’t move. My hands were on his sides and the fabric of his shirt was being grasped for dear life.

“Feel free to put your hands in my pockets again,” he said. “Just, ya know, if you want to.”

So, he liked that. Good.

“Really? If I want to?”

“Sure.”

“I’m in a skirt, Nickolas. Might be a bit much if I was literally forcing you against me.”

His hand went to the leg that was around him. “As opposed to this?”

I took a deep breath. “Point taken.” I did what I wanted and put my hands in his back pockets but didn’t pull him to me.

God, what was I doing? This was so not what friends do. But, we were never really friends. I was downright encouraging him to do what he was doing even though I had no intention of seeing this relationship through. I just wanted to feel wanted.

“Is it messed up that we’re doing this with a kids’ movie on?” he asked.

I nodded. “Probably. Do you want to stop?”

“No. Do you?”

“No,” I said, honestly.

He smiled down at me. “I have a proposal for you.”

“Do you?”

“Yes. I would like to put my mouth on your mouth.”

I laughed. “Sounds like a bad idea to pile onto the bad idea that we’re in the middle of.”

“How dare you,” he huffed mockingly. “You will pay dearly, little fae.” He buried his face in my neck and proceeded to growl, bite, and kiss me.

He caused enough friction to do… something to me. I made sounds at his ear that I should have been mortified at. I had no shame. Not then.

“Posey?” his voice was gravelly at my ear. I couldn’t talk, so I just waited for him to speak again. “Can I try something?”

“Yes,” I said far too quickly.

I felt his hand move my leg from around him and drift up my thigh and skirt. His fingers were just getting under the band when the door swung open.

“Why are you sooo loud!?” Dahlia whined at us.

Nickolas moved his hand and his body but he was otherwise frozen on me. I saw shock on his face that made him look like a little boy caught with his hand in a cookie jar. As opposed to what he was almost in.

“Dahlia,” his voice actually cracked. “Did we wake you?”

“Yes,” she growled. “What are you doing to Posey?”

He looked down at me. “Um, I’m guarding her. From predators.”

“Oh. Is that why you were growling?”

“Yes!” we both said. He started moving off of me, carefully fixing my skirt as he went.

“I wanna protect her too!” Dahlia screamed before she ran at the bed. She hopped on it, then me, probably breaking a few ribs. She hugged me and laid her head on my chest. “You are SAFE, Posey!”

Nickolas laughed at me and I sat up, holding Dahlia. “Thank you, honey. I owe it all to you.”

She sat on my lap. “You’re welcome. But I’m still tired. Can you stop pretending to cry and make Nicky stop growling?”

Jesus. “Of course.” She left and I almost threw up.

“That was…” I started. “Was I loud?”

“Yes.” He smiled. “Yes you were.”

“And you weren’t even…”

“No I wasn’t.”

“So then if we…”

“Yeah, you would be.”

I sat next to him and got under the covers so I would be safe from attacking him. No more. That was what I was saying with this.

“You okay?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Never had a kid walk in on me before.”

“Me neither, if it makes you feel better.”

“It doesn’t.”

“Didn’t think so.”

He scooted closer to me but he kept his hands to himself. Dahlia might have killed the mood for him. I should buy her a cookie, that wonderful little bucket of ice water.

We got a good chunk into the movie before either of us spoke again. I should have been awkward, but it wasn’t, and I didn’t understand why. We were pretty much just making out, and now we were watching the Muppets. And it was fine.

“Kim hasn’t stopped talking about you, by the way,” Nickolas told me. “Whatever you said to her, seems to have made her like you. Still doesn’t know your name though.”

“I care little.”

He smiled. “I think that was one of the first times I knew I had a thing for you. When you got royally pissed off for that shit she told Dahlia about Dad. You got protective over her and I liked it.”

I shrugged. “She’s just a kid. She doesn’t understand death. Kim should have kept her mouth shut.”

He breathed out. “She’s always been a piece of work. Even when Dahlia was born, she didn’t take care of her. But Dad just died. She didn’t even have it in her to name Dahlia. The nurse asked what it was, she didn’t say a word. I was the one to pick the name. Mom’s favorite flower.” He smiled gravely to himself.

I picked up his hand and put it on my knee, laying mine over his. “I’m sorry about your dad. And your mom. I can’t imagine losing both of them.”

He looked like he was considering something. Then he spoke. “I guess I never told you how they died. Since I, well since you and I are, what we are, I should tell you, huh?” he laughed nervously.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“You’re my mate. You should know what made me what I am.”

I nodded. “I’d like to.”

He turned his hand over so that he held mine. “My mom, I’ll start with her. She was… old. Older than my dad. She was about three hundred when she killed herself. She’d lost a lot. A couple children who weren’t Luciens. One that was. By the time I came along, she was already half gone. Dad could only heal so much of that hurt, and I guess I didn’t take care of the rest. But I don’t blame her. Even now.”

I knew what he was about to say. My heart raced and my eyes stung.

“I was five. I wasn’t supposed to be the one to find her,” he said. “The maid was coming at ten. But Dad decided that he was bringing me to school that day. I forgot my backpack and we had to turn around and come home. He sent me in to grab it, but I didn’t know where I left it. I went looking for it, calling to my mom so she could help me find it. And I went into her bedroom. The bathroom door was open and I walked in. I didn’t understand at first.

“It’s hard to kill one of us, so she went for the guarantee. She took a few bottles of pills and got in the bath. She was under water when I found her. I got Dad but, she was long gone. He didn’t let me read the note.”

I put my arms around him and buried my face in his neck. “I’m so sorry, Nicky.” I held onto him, and he put his hands on my back as he hugged me. “You were just a baby.”

“I’m okay, Cupcake.”

“No you’re not,” I corrected him. I stayed on his lap and I refused to let go of him.

“I am. I have you and I have Dahlia.”

“You should have a mom and a dad too.”

Nicky kissed my cheek. “Do you want me to finish the story? I can stop if you want.”

I sat back and loosened my hold on him. He kept his hands on my back but mine were futzing with one of his shirt buttons so I wouldn’t cry. “Don’t stop. I wanna know.”

He nodded. “I was around thirteen when Dad died. He never got over my mom. Not for a second. He married Kim but… Mom was his mate. Kim never was.”

My brow furrowed. “I don’t understand. He was married to Kim.”

“That doesn’t mean anything. He loved her. He might have even been in love with her, but she wasn’t Mom. So he got to a point where he just couldn’t take it anymore. Even when he had a baby on the way. Because she wasn’t my mom’s.”

No. God, no. Please don’t say what I know you’re going to say.

“I wasn’t supposed to find him either. It was me and Kim. She wanted to surprise him at work because we just found out it was a girl. We went to his office and he was… he, hung himself from the ceiling fan. Snapped his neck. So at least it was a quick death.”

Both of them. Both of his parents committed suicide. And he found both of them. No wonder he tried so hard to cut himself off from people.

Mona said his father’s death made the news, so I suppose a lot of people knew. Nickolas must have been so miserable.

I hugged him again, and he hugged me back softly. I held him like that for a long time, and I only stopped because Dahlia came back in after her nap. I pulled myself together as best I could and Nickolas snapped into Daddy mode the second he needed to.

We went into the kitchen and got some dinner. I wasn’t very hungry though. I forced the food down and then it was time to go home..

We got to the house and Patton was with Candy in the front yard with the puppy. He was running around and Scully was chasing him.

“Puppy!” Dahlia almost growled. “Nicky, I have to meet her. Pleasepleaseplease.”

He sighed and looked at me. “You mind?”

I shook my head.

While I was getting my bike put away, he brought Dahlia to meet Scully. I was back in a minute and Dahlia was on the ground holding her. “Nicky, I love her,” she said in a deep and serious voice.

“I’m sure.”

“Nicky, I want her.”

Sigh. “I’m sure.”

“Nicky…”

“Dolly…”

Her big eyes went to me. “Posey, I love your puppy.”

I smiled at her. “She’s not really mine. I have to find a new home for her.”

“Niiiiicky,” she whined to her brother.

He hung his head. “Dammit. Cupcake, help me.”

“Cupcake?” Patton eyed him.

I shrugged. “I don’t know how to get you out of this one, buddy.”

Nickolas groaned. “You.” He pointed to me. “You, damn woman, owe me.” I stuck my tongue out at him while Candy laughed. He looked at her. “Do you mind if I keep this damn dog?”

She frowned a little. “We can’t keep her, so go ahead. Do you know much about dogs?”

I laughed so hard I snorted. Nickolas glared, but I made no effort to stop laughing. “He, he just loves dogs. One might say he’s an expert.”

He shook his head. “You’re lucky I like you.”

“I GET A PUPPY!” Dahlia yelled in victory. “She will sleep in my bed and I will give her baths and I will let my coyote play with her.”

“Huh?” Patton said at the same time Nickolas rushed his sister.

“Just a toy,” he lied. “She has a coyote toy that she plays with. We have to go now.” He went to put Dahlia in the car and Candy went inside with Patton. He comforted her about the loss of the puppy she barely knew.

After Dahlia was in the car with Scully, Nickolas closed the door and waited for me to come over. “I hope she doesn’t chew up my stuff.”

“She won’t.” I stopped in front of him. “Mostly she just sleeps.”

“Good.” He smirked. “You’ll be hearing about this all night since I have to go get a bunch of puppy stuff—”

I put my hands on his face and pulled him down while I got up on my tiptoes. I had my lips on his and only parted them enough to get his bottom lip between mine. I held like that for as long as I could before I thought I’d die without more.

“Sorry,” I said after. “I just needed that. I needed you to be the last person I kissed.” Not Nash.

He smiled. “It’s okay. I’m here for anyway you need me.”

He went home and I went to my bedroom. I changed into Nickolas’ hoodie to sleep in. There was something comforting about his scent on me. Even if I couldn’t smell it.

I shut the light off and crawled into bed. After I was snuggled under the covers, I didn’t feel comfy, as hard as I tried. I rolled around and felt something under me. I rolled back and dug up my phone to shine a light down. I moved my hand around but couldn’t see it. Finally, I stumbled on a keycard. I picked it up and…

“Marcellus, were you sleeping?” Nash asks. I’m in a hotel room. I see Nash in his bed. He’s on the phone and only the lamp is on.

“Good,” he says. There is a pause for nearly thirty seconds. “I hope to be home soon. Nick Weaver is still being difficult. But I’ll admit—” he smiles “—I have been distracted. That was why I was calling.”

Why was I here… my stomach turns as I watch the man in his bed. The man who had been in my bed. My room. How…

“Yes,” he somehow smiled even wider. “I intend to come home very soon actually. And I’m bringing my mate with me.” He pauses. “Posey. Her name is Posey.”