Chapter Eighteen— In Too Deep

I played sick on Tuesday. It helped that I really threw up. Candy sent me to my room with a kiss on the forehead and a glass of OJ. I stayed in bed and fielded texts from Mona for most of the morning. I told her the lie I knew she didn’t buy it for a second.

Scully lay in my bed with me, and used my tummy as a pillow. She stared at me with her puppy eyes while I petted her. I brought her out to the backyard and she flopped around for a few minutes before she came back to me. It was meant to make me feel better, but did little.

We went back inside, and I made myself something to eat while I ignored my ringing phone. I put Nickolas in my contacts after Dahlia called me just so I would know the next time. He left me some voicemails, but I didn’t listen to them. I didn’t want to hear him begging for something he didn’t really want.

When I got back to my room, I remembered something I had to do. I guess now was as good a time as any. I picked up the ring that sat on my nightstand, and I got an envelope from the kitchen.

I knew the address by heart. I lived there for years after all. I had the pen in my hand and the information in my head, but I struggled to press it to the paper. The pen was gripped tightly in my hands as it trembled. A tear fell on the paper, and I watched it soak through as the radius expanded.

I couldn’t let that happen twice.

I sucked it up and just wrote what I needed to write, trying to detach myself from all emotion. Numb would have been a blessing. So far, all I was getting was sorrow. That didn’t matter. They didn’t want me and they didn’t feel the pain I did. So they could have back their ring. I didn’t even want it anymore.

After I sealed the envelope that contained nothing but a very expensive and old ring, I stamped it and brought it out to the mailbox. I stuck it in and raised the red flag as my goodbye. I turned to walk away and I kept the tears inside.

I sat in the living room and stared at nothing. Then I got an idea. I knew little about my abilities and here I was with the opportunity to test them out. All I knew for sure, was that sometimes I touched something and then I had a vision. I was almost positive I saw it in real time. I suppose I wouldn’t ever know for sure.

If I were being smart, I’d have realized that the things I touched affected what I saw. The last time it happened, I was touching Patton’s birdhouse. Then I saw him and Candy. The time before that, I saw a girl and her friend after I touched a sweater. So the theory was that I saw the owner. I just needed to find something that belonged to someone else. Easy.

I left and went to the playroom that was at the end of the hall. The door was open and the room was a mess. The floor was covered in toys of all kinds and I couldn’t tell what toy belonged to what kid. I went for the doll and banked that it was Gilly’s and not Archie’s.

I sat on the floor and I picked up the doll. I didn’t know how to trigger a vision, because I’d never tried before. I couldn’t even guess at what made them happen those times.

“Come on,” I begged the toy. Its hollow eyes just stared at nothing. How the hell was I supposed to figure this out on my own? I didn’t know a fae. Nickolas wasn’t an option to ask and Nash might only know a little more than he did. But… His whole family was fae. He might know what I needed to do.

I dropped the toy and left the room to go and get my phone. I walked through the kitchen when the bell rang.

Uh oh… I was playing hooky here. What were the odds it was a cop? Almost none. I couldn’t ignore it, just in case it was something important. It was probably just a package or something. That meant that the postman got the mail. The ring was gone and I felt the bitterest relief.

I opened the door and had to do a double take to believe what I as seeing. “Hello, love,” Nash greeted me with all the charm I knew he had. His hands were behind his back and he looked me up and down. It made me wish I were wearing more than sleep shorts and a tank top.

“Nash… I was literally just about to call you.”

He stepped inside without waiting for an invite. “Good timing then. I went to find you on campus but your bike wasn’t there.”

“I wasn’t feeling good today.” I closed the door and leaned against it.

He turned with his hands still behind him. “You look lovely none the less. What were you going to call me about?”

I’d rather know why he decided to just show up to my house after trolling my school for me. It was almost creepy.

“I was hoping you’d be able to help me trigger my abilities. I don’t know how to do it and I thought since you know a lot of fae, you might.”

His shoulders went up. “Each is different. Some power is internal while other is external. What do you know about yours?”

I tried to tell him as little as possible. “I have visions. I touch something and I see stuff.”

His face was thoughtful. “Well, if it’s from within you, then an emotion can trigger it. Last time it happened, how were you feeling?”

I thought back to the night with the birdhouse. I was upset. I’d just found out that I might not be a human and I was in a state of disbelief and borderline crazy. I think Nickolas did something to me that day to. But he did stuff to me most days, so that wasn’t any help. He’s upset me a dozen times and it never triggered any kind of vision.

“I guess I was upset.”

He nodded. “So maybe if you get into another highly emotional state, you might see something. What is it that you see?”

I needed another lie to tell him. “I see about five seconds of something that happened that day.”

“Hmm, a bit boring. But it’s not always something powerful. Sometimes people miss out on the good stuff. No matter. You should learn to use it none the less.”

“What should I do?”

He smiled and I wished I could step back. “We just need to get you a little emotional.”

I was scared to ask how.

“Are you home alone?”

“Um, yeah.”

He stepped closer to me and I was stuck against the door. “Well, I think I know what might do it.” His hands went to my waist and he pressed me against the door. Then he leaned down and his lips met mine. I gave him nothing because I felt nothing at all. He had to be able to tell by now. His tongue prodded my lips to open but I couldn’t do it. Not now.

I think he took that to mean he needed to try harder. His hands moved. One up and one down as he pulled me against him. He was touching my ribs and the back of my thigh, trying to hook it around his side.

“Are you all right?” he asked when he stopped manhandling me. He held my face and even that was too much.

When I kissed Nickolas, everything about it felt right and wonderful. I wanted more when it was happening and when it wasn’t. I didn’t feel like that for Nash. I thought that I did. I didn’t know what soured this but I knew beyond doubt that I didn’t want to be with him anymore.

“I told you I wasn’t feeling very well.”

He let go of me. “Ah, yes.” He backed off and I felt like I could breathe again. And I felt something else that I wasn’t expecting.

Guilt.

I felt immense betrayal over what I did. Like I should be punished after I took a bath in bleach and rinsed my mouth out with ammonia.

“Shall we start?” Nash asked me with clasped hands.

My hands went to my stomach. “I don’t know. I think I might be getting really sick. Can fae get sick?”

He nodded. “Sadly your kind isn’t as strong as mine. Much easier to kill. You’re susceptible to many things. There are no boosts of your senses, so you might one day need glasses. Some that are lesser fae can need more help along than others. You’re lucky that you’re a full blood. But even with that, you don’t repair like we do.”

“So I can get the flu?”

“You can get the flu.” He smiled. “Haven’t you ever been sick before?”

Oh, duh. “Yeah. I don’t know, I think I just thought of myself as new to this. I guess I’ve always been fae.”

“You have. This must be strange for you to deal with all at once. How have you been with it all?”

I crossed my arms. “Fine I guess. Not much I can do other than deal with it.”

“I suppose there’s an advantage to knowing what you are all your life like I did. I had to, other than the instincts as a giveaway I had another reason.”

“Being?”

“We have to shift at least once every moon cycle.”

“Or?”

“Or we die.”

Whoa… The first thing I thought about was Dahlia. Her being an infant and having to shift into a coyote for survival. Her mother must have loved that.

My stomach turned and I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t spin or throw up on Nash.

“Are you okay?” his hands went to my shoulders and I opened my eyes at him.

“I just need to lie down.”

“Do you need help to your bedroom?”

“No,” I said in a second. “I’ll be fine.”

“All right then,” he kissed my cheek and went for the door. “I’ll see you soon. Call if you need me.”

He left and I went to my room, still feeling guilty for what I did. I didn’t do a thing wrong. I knew that. So why did I feel so rotten?

I didn’t know. But I knew what I wanted right in that moment. I knew whose face would comfort me, even with this sin against him. He couldn’t know. He might be upset with me. Or worse, he might forgive me. Was that version of him that he was with Dahlia—the soft boy that had the potential for such profound love—the version I was going to get now? He thinks he has feelings for me, so maybe.

I sat on my bed and stared at the hoodie that was on it. The one that I found myself in more often than was healthy. I needed it, so I reached out…

I can see him, sullen as he pots a plant. His eyes go to the door three times in thirty seconds. He is waiting for something.

Me.

“Problem, Mr. Weaver?” our teacher asks him. She stands at his side and looks at his flowers. “Your flowers are even sad.”

He sighs. “I am not sad”

“You may not be sad, but you’ve been watching that door for twenty minutes. And your little buddy isn’t here. I sense a correlation.”

He rolls his eyes. “There is none.”

“Lies.”

Now he huffs. “Fine. What do you want from me? She’s gone because of me. Because I don’t know how to…”

I was in my head again and I was clutching his hoodie. He was sad because of me. More guilt took me over and I needed to not be here. I needed to be near him.

I changed into a shirt and jeans before I threw his hoodie on. Then came the socks and shoes. I said goodbye to my sleeping puppy and ran out the door. I could come up with a reason to tell the Thunes why I left while I was sick. They wouldn’t ground me, would they? I was a little old for that. I actually didn’t care either way.

I hopped on my bike and started for Nickolas’ house. He was almost done with class and he still had to get Dahlia, so I had some time. It would probably take me as long to get to his house on my bike. Even with as fast as I was going.

The gates of his neighborhood were open and I didn’t even have to deal with the man in the booth. He was asleep. I went right past him and to Nickolas’ house. I left my bike by the side of the house and went to the door. I didn’t even notice whose car was in the driveway until I knocked on the front door.

“Poppy.” Kim half smiled.

“Posey…”

She waved her hand. “Same thing. What are you doing here?”

So, so sweet.

She was in her work clothes but her heels were in her hands. Maybe she just got here.

“Nickolas isn’t home, is he?”

She shook her head and looked at her watch. “Twenty minutes I’m guessing. You wanna wait inside?”

Alone with her… I didn’t have a choice. “Thank you.”

I left my shoes in the basket and she tossed hers in. Then she sat on the couch and crossed her legs. “Sit,” she told me.

This felt like a trap. But I did as I was told. She could ban me from this house if she wanted to.

“So...” She smiled. “Dahlia tells me you’re a fae.”

My eyebrows shot up with shock. I should have assumed she knew about that world since her daughter was part of it. I guess I shouldn’t also be surprised that she knew about me.

“Um, yeah. I am.”

“And you’ve been hanging around my kids a lot. Are you and Nick… a thing?”

Being grilled by the mom. I thought that only happened to dudes. “No. We’re friends. Sort of.”

“Sort of,” she said the words like she was tasting them. “So, you’re sort of friends with my step-son. What are you to my daughter?”

More than you. “I don’t really know.”

Her arms folded over her chest. “Listen, Primrose, I love my kids. I know that I’m a little bitchy sometimes, but I live under an insane amount of stress. Nick’s been getting in fights since before I married his father and sometimes, the trouble he gets himself into is hard to get him out of. Every time my cell rings I wonder if it’s the police again. He’s not been in a fight for a while. Since before New Years. Now.” She smiled. “I’m wondering if you have something to do with that. Have something to tell me, honey?”

Wanna be hostile? Okay, I can be hostile. “No, I don’t. Even if Nickolas and I were something, I don’t see how it would be your business.”

She seemed amused. “I’m not trying to tell you what to do. I’m trying to make sure my little girl doesn’t get attached to someone with one foot out the door. She’s already lost her daddy, she doesn’t need more people deciding they don’t want her.”

“I want her,” I said. “I love Dahlia and the last thing I want to do is hurt her.”

She nodded again. “What happens when you graduate? Since you and Nick aren’t,” she paused. “Attached. You see him because of circumstance alone. What happens when it’s not convenient anymore? What happens when my kid is asking why you don’t come by anymore?”

“Well I don’t think that’s gonna happen since you’re not here enough to notice a damn thing about her life.”

Her eyebrow arched and she smirked. “Excuse me?”

“You heard what I said. I bet if I asked you something about her personality, you wouldn’t be able to tell me.”

“You think I don’t know my daughter?”

“Yes.”

She sat back. “Shoot.”

“Want me to pitch a softball first?”

I was poking a bear and all she was doing was enjoying it. “Sure.”

“Who is her favorite Star Wars character?”

Her amused face went blank as her lips parted. Her tongue went to her canine.

“Want a hint? He’s Nickolas’ favorite too. Dahlia has a poster of him in her room above her bed. He’s on her second favorite nightie, first being from 'Frozen.' But I’m sure you knew that.”

She was silent for a moment. “Just because I don’t know about her favorite character in some dumb movie—”

“Her favorite movies.”

“—doesn’t mean I don’t love her.”

“I know.” I nodded. “And just because I don’t have roots here doesn’t mean that I don’t love her. Don’t assume my intentions are to hurt her. Or that I would break her heart. Because I do love her. I’m gonna do my best to keep her heart in one piece.”

She stood up. “Good. See that you do that with both of my kids.” The hostility drained from her. “Nick isn’t as cold as he likes people to believe. I used to think that his heart was only reachable though Dahlia,” she leaned to me and tugged on my hoodie with a smile. “Epiphanies can hurt like a bitch if you ignore what’s right in front of you long enough. Especially when you find out the truth the hard way.”

She started walking away as the front door opened. I stood while she paused at the entryway. Nickolas and Dahlia walked in and started taking their shoes off. Dahlia was the first to see me.

She brushed past her mother as she ran to me. “POSEY!” she yelled as she jumped into my waiting arms. I hugged her and held her in front of me. “Are you gonna stay today?”

“For a little while.” I smiled.

“Honey,” her mom called. “Come here.” I set her down and she went to Kim. She picked her up and set her on her hip. “Let’s go see about a poster in your room.” She tapped Nickolas’ arm. “Mouthy girl ya got. Keep her close by.” She pointed to me before she left with Dahlia.

For the first time since he walked through the door, I got a look at Nickolas’ face. His eyes were on me like he was seeing the sun for the first time. He wasn’t saying anything, so I walked over to him.

“Hope you don’t mind, but I kind of spent the last half hour telling off your step mom.” I put my hands in the pocket of the hoodie.

He smiled and reached out for me, only to stop himself. “Did you?”

“Yup. Might have insinuated that she’s a bad mom.”

He closed his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his nose while taking a deep breath.

“Are you mad at me?”

“I won’t do it, but I have no problems telling you that all I want to do right now is throw you on my bed and rip off that hoodie that I’m busy loving that you’re in.”

“So… not mad?”

Nickolas opened his eyes, smiling softly. “I wasn’t sure if you’d ever want to see me again. Thought you might have skipped town.”

I put my arms around his middle and my face against his heart. “I had a bad day.”

His hands tentatively went to my sides. “You smell like Nash.”

“That’s part of it. He came by.”

The hands on me tightened. “He did?”

“Can we talk in your room?”

He nodded and took my hand firmly in his. My tiny one, safe and warm in his big one. He led me in and shut the door before we got on his bed. I crossed my legs and faced him.

I couldn’t look up. “I thought he could help with the fae stuff. I was gonna call him, but he just… showed up. He came in. He said that if my emotions were heightened, it would help me use my powers. So he tried to do that.”

Terrifying malevolence overtook his features. “What did he do to you?”

My eyes widened. “He kissed me again.” Pretty much. “And he didn’t force me, sort of. He didn’t ask but I didn’t tell him not to. I felt… bad after. Like I did something wrong.”

Nickolas tried to rein in his frustration. “Do I need to have a talk with him?”

“No. He left when I asked him to.”

Nickolas looked away from me. “I thought, well I thought that you wanted him.”

“I did too.”

“You don’t anymore?”

“No.”

Hope crossed his face, but he didn’t hold onto it. “Do you need anything from me?”

“Can I just stay here for a little while?”

He smiled softly again. “As long as you want, Cupcake.” He tucked me into his bed and I got on my side so that I could watch him. He played his guitar unplugged while I lay there. I didn’t know the song, so I asked.

“It’s called 'Walking Next To You.' Acres.”

“It’s pretty.”

“It is.” He played more and I just listened this time. He played a few songs and I thought I was going to fall asleep on his bed. I fought it. I just wanted to watch him. He let his face remain peaceful even though I knew he was upset. Someone touched what he thought was his. I was only making that thought worse as I lay in his bed, in his clothes, watching him like he watched me.

I was cruel “Is there another reason you had a bad day?” he asked, trying to sound casual.

I nodded. “I mailed the ring.”

He looked over at me but his fingers kept playing. “Are you okay?”

“Everyone keeps asking me that. I’m fine.”

That was when he set the guitar down. “I don’t want you to lie to me. If you’re not okay, tell me. You’re allowed to be upset about this. I wouldn’t recommend it though.”

I started sobbing and I couldn’t even hope to stop. My hands went over my mouth to muffle the sound. “I know. I know it was just a ring. But it was mine. I thought…” A wretched sound escaped me. “I really thought that they wanted to keep me. I feel so stupid.”

I couldn’t see anymore. The tears took over my eyes and the sobs took over my voice. But I felt Nickolas put his arm under my legs and his hand on my back as he moved me onto his lap. I put my head under his chin and he held me so close that I thought he was trying to literally keep me from falling apart. I was curled into a little ball on him as I broke down.

His lips were at my ear. “Posey, please, they aren’t worth a second thought. I know, I know that’s hard to accept. And I know you thought they loved you. Maybe they did. But they are awful people. You deserve more than them. And a ring is just a ring. It meant nothing.”

I held onto his shirt like if I didn’t, he’d vanish under me. “It meant that they cared about me.”

“It was a piece of metal and a few stones. That isn’t love.”

“It’s not the ring. It’s what it meant. The thought behind it. It was supposed to mean something. I feel wrong without it. Like part of me is gone. Even if it wasn’t really part of me to begin with.”

He held his lips against my head for almost a minute. “I wish I could right every wrong in your life. But that’s not in my power. All I can promise is that from now on, I’m going to do everything I can to do right by you. One of these days, you’ll believe me.”