Chapter Twenty— Flight Risk

I slept badly the last few nights. I thankfully hadn’t heard from Nash at all. I didn’t know what I could say to him. ‘Hey, creep, I know you snuck into my room. You left a fucking hotel key and I saw you say you’re taking me somewhere. Oh yeah, and I lied to you about my abilities.’ Fucked. That’s what I was.

I didn’t tell Nickolas. I was scared he would get into a fight with Nash. Nash was a puma and Nickolas was only a wolf. He didn’t stand a chance if Nash was the brand of crazy that I thought he was. He broke into my house and my room. Got on my bed… Odds are he was a nutter butter.

Nickolas decided to skip our Meals on Wheels day on Saturday, so I hadn’t seen him since Friday. That of course didn’t mean we didn’t talk. I had about a hundred blush worthy texts on my phone, most of which I didn’t acknowledge. Some though, I had a snarky comment for. Some others made me wanna run and take a cold shower.

I was all out of socks, so I put on tights. They were plain black and kind of boring. My fault for not cleaning my clothes. I grabbed my stuff and went on my merry way.

I was at school quicker than normal and set my bike in the rack. Without a lock, it went way quicker. I turned and the first thing I saw was Nickolas standing behind me with his hands behind his back.

“Hello.” He smiled.

“Um, hi.” I started walking and he trailed me. We got all the way to doors and he didn’t say another word. Then he pushed the doors open and I saw his arm.

“What the fuck did you do?” I whispered.

He smiled and looked down at his wrist. His tattooed wrist. The one with the elegant script that read 'Posey.' “Do you like it?”

I grabbed his arm to make sure I wasn’t just seeing things. I ran my fingertips over the skin. “Is this real?”

“Of course it is. Dahlia gave me the idea.”

My breathing quickened. “Nickolas,” I said weakly. “This is permanent. Like… you’re gonna have this FOREVER!”

“Yeah,” he said obviously.

I looked up. He permanently inked his body—in a very hard to hide place—with my name. The name of a girl he probably wouldn’t even think about in a couple months. “Are you insane?”

“Not at all. I just wanted you and everyone to know that not only are you mine, but I’m yours. This was perfect.”

I shook my head. “No. No it wasn’t. We are not together, Nickolas. And when the next girl comes along, have fun trying to explain away that mistake.” I left for the locker room before I could start crying in front of him.

I got down to the locker room and just sat on the bench.

Oh, but that selfish part was in love with my name on Nickolas. Mine. That was the thought I had when I saw his wrist, after the guilt. The boy I might hate and might not hate at all, he thought he belonged to me. And every part of me was liking that.

How did such pure hate dissolve into this? I don’t think I hated him at all anymore. It started fading when I found out the reasons for his cruelty. And his remorse over it when it came to me. It absolved him. All I saw when I looked at him was a broken boy that was trying to keep his sister from that fate.

The time came where I had to go back out there. I walked behind the coach and sat at the bottom of the bleachers. Nickolas wasn’t too far away, but he didn’t get the chance to talk to me before we were sent on a number of activities. We did sprints and stretches and a bunch of other bullshit that I couldn’t care less about. Nickolas tried catching up to me but I managed to steer clear of him. Didn’t keep him from just trying harder. He didn’t know how to take a fucking hint.

After class I scurried off before he could find me again. News travels fast as I found out the second I stepped out of the gym. Wherever I walked I heard whispers. More than usual. They knew about the tattoo. They were all trying to figure out what about me could possibly have driven him crazy enough to get my name on him. Apparently screwing me was one thing, but caring enough to get a tattoo…now that was beyond belief. They all thought he was on something. Or I just had magic girly parts. It was a half and half split.

When I got to bio, Mona grabbed me and hauled me to my seat. “Um, wanna fill me in on what the hell is happening with you and Nick?” She was whispering but it hardly mattered. Everyone stared.

“Nothing. I didn’t know about the tattoo until this morning.”

Her eyes bugged. “Tattoo! I heard that you guys got married. Someone said they felt your baby kicking after you got finished bragging that Weaver knocked you up.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’ve been here since the end of January. Even if he got me pregnant that day, the baby wouldn’t kick for months.”

“I know. But I want the truth from the source. What happened? Are you guys a thing?”

“We’re just friends.”

She smiled crookedly and her nose scrunched up. “Sweet pea, your name is on his body. I think the boy wants more than your friendship.”

I hung my head. “I know.”

“So… what are you gonna do about that one?”

I sighed into my hands. “I don’t know. I really don’t.”

“You need to figure it out soon, baby. I don’t know if Nick is the kind to just let this go. At least, I don’t think he will now.”

***

I skipped lunch so that I wouldn’t be able to talk to Nickolas. I had a dozen texts from him asking where I was and if I was okay. I sent one back just so he wouldn’t worry. The last one I got from him only said ‘I’m sorry’. He didn’t really do anything wrong. Stupid, yes, but no sin was committed.

I got to government before he did, and I took my seat. My heart pounded as I sat there waiting for what I knew was coming for me. A too proud Nickolas with confidence that I would come around. He’d say something arrogant and I’d wanna hit him, something sweet and I’d wanna kiss him, something miserable and I’d wanna hug him.

He was there before the bell rang. He even looked shocked to see me. When he sat down, he was silent. No greeting or smile of any kind. The guilt poked at me again.

Mars wasted no time walking up to us with a smug smile on his face. He leaned on the table and put his hands on his chin. “I should have put money on this, really I should have. Teenagers are all the same. Can’t separate hate from lust. I’m almost impressed you got her so quick, Weaver. Don’t know if that’s skill or.” He eyed me. “Something else.”

Nickolas narrowed his eyes. “Excuse me?” It came out in a deep, threatening voice that made the hair on my neck stand on end. “What the fuck do you mean by that?”

Mars shrugged. “It was a compliment, calm down. I wish I could have cleaned up like you do when I was your age. Most guys would kill to get a girl wrapped around their finger like that.”

Jeez. I was right here…

Nickolas leaned closer to him. “Posey is in no way wrapped around my finger. I really don’t like the insinuations you’re making. So I suggest you leave us be now. I would hate to have to have a talk with Principal O’Hare about your behavior.”

Mr. Mars’ eyes flickered with panic and irritation at the boy. He didn’t say a word as he went back to his desk. Other students filed in and he focused on them instead of us.

“Thank you,” I said to Nickolas.

He nodded once. “No problem, Cupcake. I only wish I could hit him without getting arrested.” His arms went to the table and I saw the tattoo again. It would be there forever. As long as he lived. Even if we were never more than this, a little part of me would live on him. Like I mattered.

“Do you really hate it?” he asked without looking at me.

“No,” I said with defeat. “But you’re going to, one day.”

He looked at me like I was insane. “Why would I hate it? It’s my mate’s name.”

That word again. Mate. “Your next mate won’t like looking at that.”

He was even more confused. “Next? Posey, that isn’t how it—”

“Listen up!” The teacher got out attention before he went on with the lesson. We were getting prepped for finals. We had a few weeks but he wanted us prepared. I let myself focus on that alone as the class went on.

Nickolas followed me to my next class but he wouldn’t talk. His face never looked less than perturbed the whole way. He kissed me on the cheek before he left for his own class. I ignored the girls that walked by me, coughing words like whore, easy, slut, moron. How was I a whore if I was only allegedly sleeping with one guy? I just don’t get it.

Class dragged by slowly and then too fast as I found myself in my last class. I was measuring plant growth and patterns when it was in the direct sun and when it wasn’t. Spoiler alert: it grew more in the sun.

Nickolas kept it light, sensing my growing alarm over this whole damn thing. He made a few jokes about his plant’s lack of growth and I rolled my eyes at them.

At the end of the day, I decided to ditch my books at my locker. I didn’t need any and it would be twenty pounds less for me to carry home on my bike. I twisted the lock and shoved all of my rarely used books into the top shelf.

“Hey, Posey,” I heard a girl said in a high-pitched voice. There were giggles that followed. When I turned, there were three blonde girls standing there. The Barbie’s popped gum and smirked. “Question, just how quick did Nick get you on your back? Cuz I keep hearing different and I just really wanna know. My guess is that all he had to do was talk to you longer than three minutes and you were down on your knees.”

I didn’t let embarrassment show on my face. “My and Nickolas’ relationship is none of your damn business.”

“Aww, Nickolas. You call him by his full name? You must really believe you’re special.”

“Well, not as special as you, Used Goods Barbie. Do you afford tuition by charging an entry fee, or do you just get it from your absentee daddy?”

She clicked her pierced tongue. “Just so you know, the boy doesn’t stick around. No matter how good you may think you are in bed. But I guess you’ll find out soon. He’s gotta be almost done with you.” She flashed a bright smile. “Wonder if a roll with me can make him forget all about the mistake he made with you.” She blew me a kiss and walked off with her lemmings.

I just turned back and slammed my locker shut. The crowd that was murmuring around me was thinning out and that meant it was getting quieter. Everyone was eager to leave. None more than I was.

I got to the bike rack as most of the cars were peeling out of the lot and to the away game Mona was currently getting ready for. She left after lunch to start up her mascot duty. I had to blink twice to believe what I was seeing. My bike—my wonderful Blue Meanie—was gone. Just… gone. Who the fuck would steal that piece of garbage?!”

“Dae,” a boy said behind me. I knew the voice, I just couldn’t figure out the name that went with it. Then I turned to see Ed leering at me. “Hey.”

“Hey,” I said snottily. I went to walk away but he stepped in front of me. He was massive. At least 6’6 and half as wide.

“Wait a minute. I just wanna talk to you for a minute.”

Oh, I didn’t like this. I was near a wall and I couldn’t get away from him. He could pick me up with one hand and throw me a mile. Maybe I could distract him and then make a break for it.

“About?” I crossed my arms.

He stepped closer and I stepped back. Now I was really stuck as I felt my back hit the stucco wall. “You.”

I needed a flare gun. “What about me?”

“I just wanna know what has Weaver all messed up over you. I mean, you got the guy to scar his body with your name. Impressive, I think. You must be a special kinda lay for that result.”

My eyes turned to slits. “You’re a pig, Ed. Get the fuck away from me.”

“I mean no harm,” he tried to say sweetly. “I just want a better idea of what you’re working with under that skirt.” His hand pushed at my shoulder, shoving me against the wall. I grabbed his tie and yanked it towards me. His forehead smacked into the wall and he yelled.

I tried getting past him but he got my backpack and pulled me backwards. I stumbled and fell to the cold concrete. I looked up and saw his bleeding forehead and his snarling face as he stepped to me. I scooted backwards because I knew if I tried to get up I wouldn’t be fast enough. I wouldn’t be fast enough now.

“You’re really gonna regret that one,” he informed me. His fist was tight at his side as he moved to me.

I saw a hand on his shoulder before he was swung around. The sound of something crunching filled the air just before a scream did. Ed went down quick, clutching his gushing nose and yelling curses. Nickolas grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him up, hitting him in the face one more time before throwing him into the wall.

Every drop of fury in his face drained when he saw me. Then there was nothing but worry and fear. He rushed to me and got me off of the ground. His eyes found my torn tights. “What did he do to you?”

I looked at the groaning boy. “Nothing much. Can we just go, please?”

He nodded and took me to the car. He actually sat me down before getting in himself. He started the car. “Posey, please.”

I sighed and told him. The anger came back but I hugged him. “I’m fine. You came just in time.”

“I’m so, so sorry. This is all my—”

I kissed him on the corner of his mouth to shut him the hell up. “No, it’s not. We have a kid to pick up. So get going before I take the wheel.”

I took my shoes off as he started driving. Then I slipped off the tights I’d ripped in the scuffle. I didn’t need to have to tell Dahlia why that happened. I shoved them in my backpack.

I tried to lighten the mood. “The interesting thing is everyone thinking that either you or I have magic junk that managed to snare the equivalent of a unicorn.”

He laughed but it was hardly joyous. “I have no doubt your junk is something to behold. Well, actually I have see your—”

“No you have not!” I informed him.

He gave me a sideways glance. “Hate to break it to you, but I did slip your panties down your pretty little legs. I saw some stuff. Plus, my head was under your skirt. You know what I was doing, so why are you so upset? This is nothing new.”

I put my hand on my forehead. “Because I’d like to maintain some dignity.”

He reached over to pat my thigh. “You have plenty.”

We got to the daycare and started walking. Then I said, “Oh, can you please, please tell me that my bike is in your trunk?”

“It’s not. We can swing back and get it if you need.”

I groaned. “No. It was stolen.”

He laughed. “Who would steal that piece of shit?”

“Hey, I loved that piece of shit. It got me where I needed to go.”

“I’ll buy you a new one.”

“Um, no.”

“Why?”

“Cuz you’re not allowed to spend money on me.”

We stopped to wait for the kids to come out. I guess class was running late.

“That’s stupid,” he said. “Just let me get you a new one. What’s a couple hundred bucks?”

“A lot.”

“It isn’t.”

“Is to.”

“Is not.”

“No!”

He shrugged. “Fine then. I’ll just drive you to and from school. You can start coming over after and we can spend time with Dahlia together.”

That sounded nice. But I didn’t want favors. “No.”

“It’s happening.” Then the kids were out and the fight was over. Dahlia greeted us both and Nickolas put her in the car. She had a dozen pictures she drew of Scully and me and Nickolas and NOT Kim.

“So, her mom doesn’t mind Scully?” I asked.

“Nope. She’s okay as long as she doesn’t eat her stuff. And she’s black and white, so that helps.”

We got home and I brought Dahlia out with Scully while Nickolas changed. Dahlia chased the puppy and Scully was more than happy to play along. Then Dahlia dropped to the ground and started howling at her, trying to get her to do the same thing. It even worked a couple times.

Nickolas came back out and we watched them play for a few minutes before we went inside so Dahlia could get something to eat. I wasn’t hungry, so I just sat on the counter while he cooked for her.

“Posey,” Dahlia said after a big gulp of milk. “Did you see Nicky’s tattoo?” She smiled proudly. “I told him that if he wanted you to know he loves you, he should do what he did for me. Isn’t it pretty?”

My heart ceased to beat. She used the word love when talking about Nickolas and me. She was a kid, she didn’t understand that he didn’t love me. But the thought was…

“Very pretty.” I smiled through the nausea that was trying to make me pass out.

“I got to watch him get it,” Dahlia told me.

I glared at Nickolas. “You brought her to a tattoo shop?”

“I brought her to my friend’s house. He runs it out of his garage sometimes and he was the one who did my first tattoo.”

“Oh good. So it was just a needle filled garage belonging to a man that tattoos underage kids.”

He rolled his eyes. “I was fifteen. I wasn’t that young.”

“Christ…”

He laughed at me and we both put Dahlia down for her nap. Scully snuggled up next to her and Nickolas pulled the blanket up over both of them.

We stepped into his bedroom and he paused. “Because you get all squirmy.” He gestured to his desk. The first thing I saw was the tree on the top, made of paper and wire and it had three separate sections. One for each branch of the government. The next thing I saw was a chair pushed up into his desk.

“You got me a chair?” I tried to keep the sweet tone out of my voice.

“Well, it was for you. Then Dahlia decided that she likes when it spins. There will most likely be times she steals it from you.”

I hurried to the chair and sat down. Then, because I was three years old, I spun around. I kept my legs tucked up so I could go faster. I went for at least three whole minutes and then I tried to stand up. Nickolas caught me and set me on the bed.

“Maybe just close your eyes and try to not topple over,” he suggested.

I sat back and watched the ceiling spin around. “I’ve made mistakes.”

“You’ll be fine.” He lay next to me and patted my stomach.

I groaned and turned on my stomach. “I don’t think so.” I put my face in a pillow as I tried to remember what it felt like to not be dying.

I sat up when I started feeling better and Nickolas sat right next to me. He let me lean on him and set my head on his shoulder. He had me against his chest and I didn’t even know how we got like that.

“You’re not still upset with me, are you?” he asked quietly.

I sighed and looked up. “You’re going to hate me once you move on. You’ll see my name and you’ll resent me. I don’t want that.”

“Posey,” he laughed but it was mostly breath. “You still don’t get it. I guess that’s not your fault since you’re not what I am. You’re my mate.”

“And you’ll eventually get a new one. Then you’ll have to deal with my name on you.”

“There is never going to be another mate. You’re it.”

I sat up. I needed distance from him. “But we’re not even together.”

“That doesn’t really factor in. At least, not right now. You’re still my mate. Even if I’m not your mate. That can happen with humans and fae. A Lucien mates for life, but it’s because of the animal in us. You don’t have that instinct in you.”

The thought was sad. If they were with someone that wasn’t their kind, they might not connect on the same level. “Is that why you said your mom was your dad’s mate?”

He nodded. “Kim couldn’t compare. Even if he were really trying to move on, it just couldn’t happen.”

I was it. That was what he was telling me, that I was his for his endless life and mine. That he wanted to keep me.

“Posey.” He held my hands. “I don’t want to push you into something you don’t want, but you need to know everything. I’m showing you all my cards. I’m never going to want anyone but you. For the rest of my life you are my mate. There’s nowhere that I won’t follow you, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you or to keep you safe. There isn’t any going back now. I love you and I will until I slip into oblivion.”

He confessed and offered every single thing I’d ever wanted. Love and loyalty that wouldn’t fade, unconditional and everlasting. I didn’t have the reaction I thought I would. Maybe because I never believed that I would really get it.

I was overwhelmed with the thoughts of being with someone forever. Someone that wanted it, whose affection wouldn’t fade. I thought about the life I could have. A family, Nickolas and Dahlia, children that Nickolas and I could make. I could have a family of my own. Blood. A connection that I couldn’t lose and couldn’t be taken from me.

This couldn’t be happening. I didn’t get lucky. People didn’t just start loving me. He was wrong and this wasn’t real.

“I…” I started. “I’ll be right back.” I took my hands away from him and got off of the bed. Then I left his room and closed his door.

I needed to go. I needed to be far from this house, this place. I couldn’t stay here anymore. Not when Nickolas was so confused. He would make Dahlia believe this was forever and she wouldn’t understand that he didn’t really love me.

Oh, Dahlia. I would miss her like I’d never missed anything in my whole life. I’d dream of that little girl. The life I wished we could all have, but just wasn’t in the cards for a girl like me.

I couldn’t leave without a goodbye. I wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t let her wait for me to come home only to disappoint her until she’s old enough to understand how selfish I am. I could feel my heart rotting in my chest at what I was about to do. I felt selfish for doing the unselfish thing. I was leaving so that Nickolas could figure things out and so that Dahlia wouldn’t hurt as much when he did. I could do it. I could do this for her.

I went into her bedroom. She was asleep and Scully was in a ball by her tummy. I smiled at the image as I worked through the tears. I knelt beside the bed and nudged her awake.

Her eyes fluttered open but only halfway. “Posey?”

“Hi.” I smiled. “I just wanted to tell you goodbye.”

She yawned. “Does Nicky need to take you back now?”

I shook my head. “No. I’m going somewhere else.”

“Okay,” she said sleepily. “I’ll see you when you get back.”

I shut my eyes so that the tears would stay in. It didn’t work. “Sweetheart,” my voice trembled. “I’m not coming b—” I stopped myself. She wouldn’t understand anyway. “I just want you to know that I love you more than I love anyone. I won’t ever stop thinking about you.”

She smiled. “I love you too.” Her eyes closed and she was back under in a heartbeat.

“Bye, Dahlia.” I kissed her forehead and left her room.

My back was against her door as I tried to breathe again. Nickolas’ door was still shut and I’d been gone a few minutes, so I had to hurry. I went to put my shoes on. I left the backpack because I wouldn’t need it anymore. Just more to weigh me down.

I was out the door then. My eyes were pouring but it was a quiet sob. I made it down the steps before I heard my name.

“Posey.” It was desperate and fearful. “Please.”

I turned and Nickolas was leaning against his house. Waiting for me. He knew me too well. Almost enough to make me believe he wasn’t completely insane.

“I’m sorry,” I said before I turned to walk again.

He caught my arm and turned me. “I can’t imagine what you must be thinking right now. But all I know is that I can’t let you leave.”

“You don’t love me, Nickolas.”

He wasn’t angry but he was upset. “I do. I wish I could make you see that.”

I shook my head. “You have no reason to love me.” No one else did. Why should he?

“I have a million reasons to love you. Let me show you all the reasons that I do.”

“I don’t believe you,” I cried.

He held me to his chest. “I know you don’t.”