Chapter 27 27

Chapter 27 27
Derek’s POV
I stood in the living room, my chest rising up and down in heavy, hard breathing.
Just as I began to catch my breath, movement from the staircase caught my eye. My heart sank.
There at the top of the stairs was Lily, her eyes wide, her lips parted in fear. All color had been drained from her face, and neither one of us moved.
"Lily," I whispered, my voice shaking, threaded with urgency. I took a hesitant step towards her. "Lily, please wait!"
But she didn't wait. Before I could explain, she turned and bolted up the stairs, her footsteps echoing down the hall like the sharp beats of my own heart.
Lily!" I called after her, my voice breaking with frustration and guilt. I started to take a step toward the staircase but then again stopped myself, realizing at this moment chasing her would only make things worse and further scare her. My heart felt as though it had shattered, and I was left there, feeling helpless again.
Amanda stood behind me, her arms crossed, smirking as her eyes gleamed with satisfaction from the scene that had unfolded. "Well, isn't that just perfect?" she said, venom lacing her words. "You can't even keep your daughter from being scared of you, Derek. Maybe you should rethink your role as the doting father.
I turned to her, my eyes ablaze. "This is all your fault, Amanda! What did you expect would happen, barging in here?" my voice was low and controlled, but barely. I knew I was at the edge of losing my temper again.
Amanda lifted an eyebrow and shrugged. "My fault? Oh please, Derek. Don't go acting all victim on me in here. I came over to talk, you couldn't handle a simple conversation. It's not my fault you don't know how to control your anger.
I firmed my fists again, fighting to collar the anger rising inside me. I just wasn't going to let her get on my nerves this time. Not again.
"You knew perfectly well what you were doing when you came here," I said through gritted teeth. "You wanted to cause an incident, and look, Lily's scared to death now. She saw me like that because of you. And I won't take that."
Amanda laughed, a harsh, hollow sound that grated on my nerves. "Oh, Derek, don't flatter yourself. Lily’s scared because she knows the truth now. She knows what kind of person her father is. And as much as you'd like to blame me for it, you can't change that."
Her words pierced me like a knife, the guilt stabbing deep. However, I was not the man Amanda made me out to be, and I wasn't going to let her poison Lily's view of me any more than she already had.
"I want you to leave," I said, my voice cold and even. "Get out of my house."
Amanda cocked her head to one side, an impersonating smile tugging at her lips. "Derek?
"Yes, Amanda," I reaffirmed, my hands easing but my stance unwavering. Not in my life, and certainly not in Lily's. You've done enough damage for one day.
"Well, alright then. If you are going to be so melodramatic about it." Amanda turned toward the door and with her heels clicked against the hardwood floor while walking.
I just stared at her, my eyes cold and hard. "Goodbye, Amanda."
She had lingered a little longer as if expecting me to change my mind, but when I didn't, she finally turned and walked out the door, slamming it behind her.
The sound of the door slamming echoed in the house, but all I could hear was the footsteps of Lily, which sounded like she was running away from me. I felt my heart ached heavier than ever.
I stood staring at the closed door for a minute, finally exhaling a breath I hadn't known I’d been holding. Tension ebbed from my body, but the guilt and frustration wouldn't leave, it kept festering inside me. I couldn't believe what had just happened, that Lily had seen me like that, seen the worst side of me.
I stood at the bottom of the staircase, staring up at the second floor, my feet as if glued to the ground. I knew what I needed to do, knew I couldn't leave things the way they were between me and Lily, but a cold knot was wrapping itself tighter in my chest and keeping me fixed to that place.
What am I supposed to say to her?
I could see the fear in her eyes, my daughter was afraid of me. It was a look that would haunt me for the rest of my days unless I found a way to make it right. The big problem, though, was exactly how to begin mending this. How will I erase that picture of myself screaming, fists clenched, Amanda's mocking voice in the background?
I let out a heavy sigh, running a hand over my face. I wasn't supposed to lose control like that. Not in front of her.
The seconds ticked by, the house now eerily quiet without Amanda's presence. I felt the silence closing in, the weight of my mistakes in danger of suffocating me. But I knew I couldn't leave Lily upstairs, scared and alone, thinking that her father had turned into someone she couldn't trust.
I inhaled deeply, gathering whatever courage I could. The knot in my chest tightened as I made myself move, upward, step by agonizing step, up the staircase.
When I reached the top of the stairs, I stood outside Lily's door, my breath caught in my throat. Soft shuffling noises came from inside, perhaps she was moving around, or perhaps it was just the sound of her small breaths.
For a long moment, I did nothing. I didn't knock, I didn't call out. I just stood there, staring at the door and trying to find the right words. What are the right words, though, when you've scared your child?
I waited, and finally, after what looked like an eternity, I knocked, gently, almost hesitantly, as if I feared that even the knock itself would scare her.