Chapter 52 Chapter Fifty Two
CANDY’S POV
“What did you do?”
It takes Nikandr a few seconds to drag those piercing grey eyes of his from the screen of his laptop that he’d been glaring furiously at, fixing them on me in that way of his that always effortlessly has me fighting to remember what I’m saying.
He manages to somehow look both innocent and oblivious of the reasons behind my question and I somewhat want to squeeze his head for answers half as much as I want to ignore the obvious moral problems with this and just climb in his lap instead.
“Why do you assume I did something to your boy toy?” He quirks a brow over his dark eyes. “Hmm?”
“Because Adrian isn’t the kind of man that’ll abandon me at your mercy without you saying or doing something crazy to him and I need to know exactly what. He’s my boss for fuck’s sake.”
He hums lightly, his lazy smirk returning and spreading across his distractingly handsome features in satisfaction while his eyes slowly morph into that dangerous, knowing look that makes my heart beat faster.
“It’s not my fault he doesn’t know what professional lines are, Princess. He’s lucky he’s returning in one piece.” He says casually with a careless half shrug before pouring himself a glass of whiskey.
“I don’t like to share, Candy, and I make that clear in ways you won’t approve of.” His stupid perfect eyes glint with something dark and devious, making him look every bit like the menace he is.
“But next time he put his hands on you, I’ll cut them off and send them to you in a box.”
He leans back in his chair like he didn’t just make a threat that involved bodily harming another human being, looking like the world worships at his feet. Moments like this offer glimpses into his life that have chills going down my spine. I mean he said it with such ease, like he’s done it before.......
His dominance fills the cabin of his luxurious PJ, his long legs stretched out in front of him as if they’re begging to be sat on, to be straddled......
I slam the brakes on that thought because it’s honestly what got me here in the first place, this weakness for him I can’t control.
“And he’s a fucking pussy for leaving you.......how did you put it, at my mercy.”
I take a deep breath to keep from smiling at the way he said that, to keep from thinking about the look on his face the day I begged him to fuck me, claim me, make me forget, no strings attached and how different he looks now claiming strings that don’t exist.
Can’t exist.
“I don’t belong to you.” I whisper under my breath, tired of doing this with him, this back and forth that’s never gotten us anywhere.
“You can’t keep acting like I do. The second this touches down in Chicago, this madness comes to an end, you have to know that.”
He looks anything but like a man who knows and it’s making this harder.
“This isn’t Hawaii anymore, we can’t keep pretending things haven’t changed.”
“I’m not pretending.’ He says easily, way too easily.
“Like hell you’re not. What the fuck do you call this game we’re playing then? How long do you plan to fuck me while engaged to Peach? Where do you draw the line?”
“Candy...”
“Don’t Candy me, fucking answer. Until you’re married or do you plan to keep to keeping showing up everywhere I am to fuck even after saying I do to her in front of God and family?”
“I don’t want your sister.” He says solemnly, his hands curling into fists.
“It doesn’t change anything, you agreed to marrying her, you said yes to that.”
“Before I knew she was related to you.”
His fingers run roughly through his hair.
“I agreed to this marriage because I owed it to my family but also because it was the only thing keeping me from looking for you. You said no strings attached and I had to honour that but every single day that passed without you in it brought me dangerously close to breaking that promise.”
I feel my breath hitch in my throat as the words fall from his lips, dead serious.
There’s no way he means any of that, right?
“I wanted you even though I knew I shouldn’t and it drove me crazy so yeah, I hid behind work and work included getting married to your sister who I don’t give a fuck about.”
Stupid tears flood my eyes, burning and blurring my vision of him.
I’d wanted him too, why didn’t I fucking say it. Why was I a coward in that stupid airport, why didn’t I tell him I wanted all the strings we had?
I could have fucking had it all but of course I let him walk away and now it’s too late for reasons neither of us can fix.
“Hey, baby...” He says as the first tear stubbornly escapes from the corner of my eye, reaching for me.
“I can’t stand seeing you cry.”
The tears come even after at the softness of his voice, the tenderness I can’t have.
My period must be right around the corner because there’s no way I’m crying again over a man that was never mine to begin with. I set the rules and I should have been able to leave unscathed.
“Don’t marry her then, you can still call it off now.” I can hear the hope in my voice but his eyesight doesn’t match it, doesn’t even meet it.
“I would in a heartbeat if I could but for the safety of you and your family, baby I have to. You have no idea what’s at stake here.”
Oh God no......no, no, no.
“I can’t........I can’t do this.” I sob, crushed beyond fighting, beyond wanting.
“I should never have gone on that stupid vacation, I should never have m.....”
“Don’t say that.” There’s a sharp note of warning in his voice asking me not to finish that thought but I can’t. Admitting it even though it’s killing me is the only way I can get past this.
So instead of backing down, I double down on it, intending to hurt him enough to let go too.
“I don’t want to be your dirty secret, I’m done sneaking around my family. I want to be with someone I don’t have to hide with, I deserve someone who is proud to be with me.”
“Princess....”
There’s still a smidge of hope in his voice and I want it gone.
“Even if I wanted to look past that,” I continue, my chest constricting till it’s almost impossible to breath but I ignore it.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be past the fact that you work for a criminal, the same one threatening my family. You’re no better than those morally bereft bratva men we left Hawaii for. To me, it’s all the same because you all thrive on violence and blood and God, it disgusts me. The only reason I’m letting Peach make this mistake is because she wants it enough to hate me otherwise.”
I watch my words land heavy and shocking.
I wish I can take them back but fuck, it’s too late.
Something in Nikandr goes still, the light going out of his grey eyes immediately.
There’s something in it’s place now but I can’t place it. It’s not anger, not explosive, no it’s quiet, dangerously quiet.
His gaze meets mine but there’s no heat in it this time, just cold and distance.
“If that’s how you see me then I’m not sure there’s anything here left to fight for.” He says with quiet resignation, twisting the knife I willingly plunged deep into my chest.
“You should have no problem walking away.”
I swallow hard, biting back the torrent of tears pushing to run free on my face.
The rest of the flight passes in a tense blur of tears, silent heart break and guilt but the jet finally lands, letting me out before I cave in and beg him not to listen to any of the lies I just spat.
“My driver will take you home.” He says tersely. “Make sure you get home safe.”
“No, I ordered a ride.” I answer almost too quickly.
He doesn’t argue, doesn’t fight me and it’s killing me.
No one said it’ll hurt like this.
“Goodnight, Princess.”
“Goodbye, Nikandr.” I respond, my voice sealing the finality of that response.
We might see again, he’s about to become family, but this is the end of us.
And with that I walk away with my head held high, my heart at his feet.