Chapter 53 Chapter Fifty Three
CANDY’S POV
I’ve been numb since I got back, morose and a shell of my former self.
Adrian hasn’t been in the office since I resumed and he’s still not taking my calls which kind of confirms my fears that Nikandr did or said something stupid to him and it’s fucking up my plans to move on and away from everything that has me questioning myself because my two weeks notice has been sitting on his desk unattended and his email unanswered.
And Nikandr.........he still hasn’t said a word to me since we returned which I get and appreciate but it’s killing me. The silence is deafening, every passing minute a reminder of every painful lie I sold him, every hurtful word I spewed to save us and that defeated look that had stayed in his eyes the rest of the flight.
I know I have no right to but I miss him insanely and it’s worse because I’m so fucking alone now.
I have no one in my corner except myself, burned every bridge possible and now I’m living in the shadows of what could have been.
Lindsay would have the laugh of her life right now if she could see me. In the end, she got it all, the job, the man, the plans for the future she always snickered at like it was something atrocious and I’m back where I started, square one with nothing but my what ifs and what nots.
I curl deeper into my couch as the movie on my television plays on, biting back another wave of sharp, intense pain stabbing my lower abdomen linked a million needles all at once.
I knew my period was on its bitchy way when I cried four different times in twenty four hours but what I didn’t know was that it was going to come with the worst cramps I’ve ever had right when I have no pain meds handy.
I’ve been stuck between this couch, the kitchen where I keep boiling water and making chamomile tea and the toilet bowl where I keep throwing it up.
I’m tired and in pain and my heating pad isn’t doing its magic anymore and my heart still feels like a literal lead sitting in my chest.
I feel chewed and spat out and exhausted and I’ve thought about dying to escape all of this at least twice.
No, not in the way that should raise anyone’s concerns about my mental state or put me on suicide watch but just enough to wonder what the serenity of the after life will feel like.
Too dark, too fucking dark........
I toss and turn again and a-fucking-gain, looking for the best position to contort into while another wave of pain washes over me.
“Candy?”
I turn around to find the owner of the voice, my neck whipping so fast it almost snaps.
I might be a grown ass woman but I’m also the biggest scardy cat on the planet and seeing as nobody is supposed to be in this apartment besides me, this is some horror movie bullshit right here.
“Your door was unlocked.” My sister says, looking at me apologetically which is a first since this whole mess between us kicked off.
Maybe I’m in enough pain to hallucinate her or something so I just nod to make it go away.
It doesn’t.
I feel rather than see her come around the couch to sit next to me, her eyes going over my current condition.
“You don’t look good.” She says quirky.
“Yeah, no shit Sherlock.”
Another spasm of pain follows almost immediately and it literally feels like my insides are being clawed to shreds. Is there no way we can live without this? Can’t we just swear we’re women every month and just get a pass or something.
“Why are you here?’” I manage to force out.
“I......I dunno.” She says quietly. “I’ve been thinking and honestly, I realized I’ve bee very shitty to you for no reason. I was wrong about you and I’ve been really selfish about this whole thing. I don’t....”
I lose track of the next few lines as I half run half crawl to the bathroom to throw up the hot water I just chug minutes ago.
“Continue.” I say while she watches me pitifully as I rinse out my mouth.
She helps me back to my bed this time since it’s closer to the bathroom.
“I’ve never done anything for this family, not like you have and that’s because I’ve never had the brains for it and I guess it got to me. All I have is this stupid face and if this is what it can do to help, then let it. I really want to help out this one chance I have but I also want to do it with you by my side.”
She makes her infamous puppy face that mostly gets her whatever she wants and I laugh besides myself.
“You were cruel, Peach. I wasn’t saying any of those things out of hate but because I care for you. I love you, you’re my baby sis.”
She winces, her face covered in regret.
“I know now. I’m deeply sorry. I was hurt and I was so eager to please dad I forgot what’s important. I started to project.”
“And.......” I bite back a wince.
“What’s changed?”
“I missed you......so much it hurt. After our last call, I spent the entire night wondering why I said the shit I did when I didn’t even mean half of it and why I’ve been so mean to you. The party was shit because King couldn’t be bothered to show up but also because you weren’t there to gossip about all his friends that did. They all looked like they walked out of some dark romance book and you weren’t even there to call dibs with.” She whines with a smile and it’s one those ones you can tell is genuine from a mile away.
Memories of that night, of being in Nikandr’s arms in ways that I’m ashamed of now swamps my head, forcing my face to flush. I don’t regret it, not exactly but having Peach like this reminds me why it has to be our dirty, little secret. There’s no way in hell I’m letting her find out he missed their part because he was buried so deep in me I forgot my name.
I avert my eyes so she doesn’t see the guilt in them and she doesn’t query why because cramps is a pass for everything unusual.
“I missed you too.” I say quietly, watching her light up.
“Oh thank God, fighting nearly killed me. It takes so much energy to be pissed at you. Let’s not do it again okay?” She sighs like she wasn’t at the helm of this particular fight, throwing her arms around me in a warm hug.
“King is not a terrible person. I know the circumstances doesn’t look like it but he’s nice and kind to me and Candy you have to agree the man is as handsome as fuck.”
I make a noncommittal sound because I’ll definitely betray how much I agree with her if I do anything else.
“And he’s so hot too with that body. I can’t wait for him to stop being so cold about our marriage so we can get to the good part.” She winks.
“Maybe I should seduce him or something......get him interested and naked.”
That throws me into a coughing fit that I narrowly get away with because again, cramps.
“Peach, I promise I don’t want to hear your gross thoughts about him right now, I’m dying here.” I groan.
“Oh yeah, yeah......I’ll run out and pick up whatever you need. I’ll make your favourite soup when I get back and we’ll see if you can keep that down. And after, we can binge everything with Nicholas Galitzine in it while I fantasize about King and the naughty things I want to do to him.”
“Go away.” I moan even though I’m dying inside with every word that leaves her mouth.
Healing is going to be the longest journey ever if it’s going to include listening to my sister thirst over Nik every passing second.
She pauses on her way out, looking all serious and grown up as she looks at me.
“You’ll like him too if you give him a chance. Promise you’ll try to meet him halfway at least.”
I smile weakly.
That’s the problem, I think to myself, I know I will, I already do more than like him and giving him up for this is cutting me up even though it’s the right thing to do.
Secrets like Nik and I gets taken to the grave.
I watch her sashay out the door, beaming as I feel something die in me all over again.