Chapter 56

“Don’t move! Another Inah, just one really!”

I could see its snout when I presented it to me to adjust its bangs to the side which was a bit longer. Lana’s skin. I said don’t just put on bangs!

“You sure? You don’t want to come with us?” Zaffiro repeated that he had asked five times but I also shook five times.

“Nope. Just enjoy. Just give my kids back.” I smiled here then I heard his laugh that I just laughed softly.

I just held Van who had been whispering to his father. I noticed Van chatter even more when the three of them were together. Normally, only Inah is really talkative, I can’t say that Van inherited from his father but, not sure, he is also talkative, it just depends on the mood.

When we got downstairs the children went straight to the living room to say goodbye to their grandmothers, while Zaffiro and I were just standing at the entrance, the others were looking at us I don’t know if they were teasing.

“I know I’m beautiful,” I said with a sigh to the others then I heard the weak laugh of the person next to me.

“Next time, teach them how to marvel quietly,” I whispered to Zaf who scoffed at him.

“Let them treat you as a goddess.”

“Goddess of what? Medusa?”

“Your words …” We laughed at the same time but immediately stopped when the children approached.

I just waved at them while Inah teased me that I was not with them, and that they would be alone with their father. If I could just drag that boy, to grow old, he still had plans to fight me.

“We’ll be back,” he told me as they got out the main door.

“Oh, You just have to. Be careful,” I said then turned my back on them.

I don’t know why my eyes suddenly got wet, I lost my smile and my conscience enveloped me, maybe it’s just right that I shouldn’t go with them with the kids, I might just ruin their day with my frown. Instead of going upstairs, I just went to the kitchen to get some food and then chewed it in the living room. I could see their surprised look at me and Nikasha closing the book she was reading.

“’You didn’t come?” she asked as she sat on the far side away from them. “Pride or conscience?” she added.

“Do I have to be with you?” I asked then it nailed.

“Pride,” she whispered then handed me a paper.

I immediately raised an eyebrow because of what she did, she was still very abused, nothing really changed this woman. “Buy that, Lucas isn’t here yet so you can buy it. Your husband won’t take care of that either,” he said then led his son to wave at me.

I was about to open that paper when I noticed Aunt Nieva standing up and calling to me, she motioned for me to follow her so I immediately stood up and left what I had eaten. I still hold the role Nikasha says. I still don’t know why we were in the car while he was driving. I just stared at Zaffiro’s mother who occasionally looked at me.

“How are you, now?” she asked along the road where there weren’t many vehicles.

“We’re okay,” I replied hesitantly when I looked at him.

It nodded and then turned the direction of the car. “You’re not okay, both of you aren’t,” it began as I shrugged.

“Honestly, I really disappointed you, Veron, at first, I couldn’t accepted not until l heard your side, that Almira told us what happened to you at Spain, with your kids. If I were in your situation, I would have a hard time, I would do everything for the kids. But I actually don’t want to do what you’ve done before, you judged him first and never let him explained his side. I didn’t defend him, ija, I just wanted to clarify those… those loopholes, you know?” She said for a long time and then our car stopped due to traffic.

I don’t know if she’s preaching to me slapping me with her words. But I can do nothing but keep quiet and listen to her because maybe I deserve it.

“He told me once, that he wanted you as his wife. He’s a busy person, he’s even begging his brother to help with the work to take care of your wedding that he’s preparing. I was quite by that time. I really supported what he did wanted, because he often smiles when you’re the one in ask. He’s a shy person, you knew that. I’m very thankful to you because you didn’t hit him before,” she said with a smile and then resumed driving.

“Ever since you left, I haven’t known him. I lost my son. He only says your name, he always apologizes in front of me, when he’s drunk, he thinks you’re Nikasha. Then he approached me for having a psychiatrist because his mental health was not that strong as I thought.”

I was no longer aware of my tears because of what he said. They only say one thing about Zaffiro. We are both guilty, but why do you feel that I am the one who is stressed by what happened to him?

“Everyone deserves to be listened to. I know it’s hard but I don’t know that we still have to go that far. If that’s what happened to me, I will listen to him, and try to figure out those problems.”

“You’re saying it’s hard.” I couldn’t help but answer. I have the right to speak, even if it’s tiring to say what I’m aiming for, I will insist.

“I know that I am very guilty of your son, I did not like what happened to him. I do not know if it is right for me to leave the Philippines to think abroad and take care of myself and my children. I really had no intention of taking the child away from him, I was angry, but I knew he was the father of two children. I only needed time then, eh, I also don’t know why it got to that point. But it’s hard to listen if I know in myself that I can’t listen, we don’t have the dead who are forced to get up from the coffin, right? I’m not that strong to be with anger in my heart. We’re different, auntie,” I litany long and quickly wiped away the tears as the car stopped, as the pharmacy reached again.

She held my hand causing me to glance at her. Her eyes get wet and then she sighs.

“Thank you for being honest, Veron. You’re right, we’re different,” she said smiling then took the paper in my hand. Zaffiro’s prescription. “Just call me, Mom, or Mama, you’re the only one I really want to hear call that for my eldest.”

One word made my heart beat faster before he left me in the car. This is how I felt when everything was fine. Zaffiro’s mother and I spent a long time, at first not really I used to call her mama even though it was my dream then, she didn’t force me and it’s up to me if you do that. We also hurried to leave because we saw my father and I, Zaffiro holding the Van while Inah was sitting on the nape of her father. I didn’t want to break their bonding so we left immediately. I just sat quietly in the bedroom and arranged things.

It was already night and Zaffiro just left a message that they had eaten and that the children had fallen asleep in the car. I had already made their bed because I had already noticed their arrival. I hurried downstairs and noticed that Lucas, who was in the kitchen opening, looked at me.

“Asleep already?” I asked Zaffiro who was supporting Van.

“Van is mine,” I said because he was heavier than Inah.

At the same time the two of us took the children up to their room, I also changed their clothes which I carefully undressed so that they would not wake up. They get tired quickly when they do a lot, especially when they are not used to walking because they were only in the apartment then.

“Aren’t you going to sleep yet?” I asked when I got up.

He just looked at me and then smiled. “Can I sleep beside them?” I nodded immediately.

“Of course. I’m going to rest too—”

“Ahm, here.” There was something about it that I was still staring at.

I was still devastated when I accepted it but his smile faded. I just want to accept that so he can rest because he looks really tired.

“Thanks for whatever it is. Take a break maybe.”

“Can I hug you?” he asked quickly.

I even stared at him as he averted his eyes and then smiled a little. “I-I’m sorry, it’s okay—” I quickly hugged it.

Strictly but I know all that is still missing, I want to strangle him with everything he did to me but I prefer to hug him like this, I still really love him, I’m satisfied with this. Maybe, we need time to fix everything, I still want to save our family. If he wants too.

“Forgive me Veron,” he said softly as I whispered. “I really love you, Veron, but I’m not like you way back then, you’re so vocal, unlike me… I’m indeed a coward.”

“It’s okay, everything will be fine, Zaffiro.”

“I’ll just fix myself, first. Just give me a time. I’ll be more mature next time, I’m Sorry,” she whispered to me then I felt the hot liquid on my shoulder.

I immediately tapped her softly on the back as I could hear her soft sobs. I am in pain for him. He cries because of the sins we have committed that we did not want. If only time was running back, I would listen to him, I would listen.

“I’ll just wait. When we’re both okay, then we’ll start, okay?” I calmed him down but a kiss on the forehead I received.

“Next time, I’ll be better. I’ll be a good father and husband for you. Next time,” he whispered softly, causing me to cry forever.

I really can’t afford not to have him. “I will wait.”