Chapter 55

I quickly pulled Zaffiro to his feet, I could hardly convince him and I still had to tame him, I was already afraid of what was happening to him. I want to kill my own pride. We almost fell down the stairs when I helped him because of the swelling in his eyes. Is he drunk?

“Veron—”

“Just go to sleep first. We’ll talk tomorrow—” But I immediately stopped when it touched my hand.

His hands were shaking as if begging me to listen to him, to sit next to him.

“I’ll explain,” he said softly to me before finally releasing my hand. “W-Will you listen?” its joint so I was stunned.

Late at night, I don’t know where my children are, I just want Zaffiro to sleep but he wants to explain now. I took a deep breath and then nodded slowly to him.

“Okay,” I replied.

“I will answer your questions, you can ask me,” he said hoarsely that I still wasn’t looking.

We just faced the bedroom terrace and watched the full moon. This is what I was waiting for and what Lana insisted on me. I just want an explanation that now he will give me, I will believe him because I know he will tell the truth, I know there is a reason for everything that happened then.

“Did you love me before?” I ask directly here.

That is where everything is rooted. I heard its grin and its look at me based on the edge of my vision. “Yes. You were in college, back then. I don’t want to say because I know I’ll mess you up, that you’ll put me ahead of your studies. I knew you. You put me ahead of anything else and I don’t want that, so I let you go,” he explained at length to me.

I stared at it, I wanted to smile but my lips had no strength. All I know is that I was just staring at the man I loved so much then, I don’t know how he feels now, he still has the same effect on me, my heart beats faster when he’s there. But I’m not young anymore, he’s thirty-five and I’m thirty years old now. I just want to think about my kids and how to fix it.

“Why did it come to this?” I asked him at the same time dropping liquids I could not control.

“Why are we here? We love each other, but why are we here?”

“Where do you want to start?” it’s a quick question that is obviously desperate.

“At the beginning, Zaffiro. At the beginning,” I whispered.

He nodded repeatedly and then I heard him sigh. “When you were in college, that was the first time that I broke my own rules. I don’t like to be noisy, but all I don’t want is to lose because I can’t teach myself, Veron. I talked to your uncle, he said it’s okay to him, that he trusts me. I promised that when everything is okay then I will just make my plan. You knew what my work is, my obligations, I can’t just be a child, I have to act as a company owner, who has control over everything. As much as I can I try to insert you, I put my work aside when you’re there, because I know you’re more tired than you do coming to me… “ I just smiled because he seemed to be telling me what I used to do to him, and I couldn’t help but laugh once, especially when he glanced at me once more.

“…I asked Von for help on how I could the ring can be given to you simply. Only the two of us know. I’m really busy at work so I thought I’d give you mommy’s ring that daddy gave her back then. I got busy that time because of our w-wedding preparation since you didn’t sign the contract in spain. Your plans before I made, I know you will like that. I was going to see you so I mixed coffee with my secretary, but, the day after that, Von just woke me up, believe me or not, I didn’t have a blanket then. I tried to explain those things with Von, but even he didn’t believe me, not until Honey confessed it to my mom.”

I don’t know if I’ll believe it because even Von that I’ve talked to a few times before didn’t tell me, he didn’t say anything. My ears throbbed even more when I remembered Honey. That was the woman who answered my call then and someone called honey, so meaning… The woman I was talking to was referring to the secretary then.

I treated her well after that?

“H-How did you know I had children?” my weak question that now resists his gaze.

He smiled and then looked at the vast hacienda. “Ashley. Remember our model? She’s with her fiance, I went with them because I need to rest. We saw you, your huge womb, I haven’t met you before, fortunately I saw Lana hurrying to leave then I started to confuse, then I saw you with Cyron. I left then to go to Manhattan with Ashely still with them. I spent a year there, I just found out that you had given birth and Simon’s friend gave birth to you is that Filipino nurse, remember?”

My eyes almost widen because of the harmony of everything, were they planned or really just coincidental?

“I rented the apartment in front of your building, when the couple left there, I stayed there for almost two or three years, five months before you left. And yes, I’m the one who’s often the children’s interact.” It laughed softly but I could see its tears.

“Inah’s frequent crying and the three of you fighting. Inah’s throwing your cellphone and your underwear,” he said, adding that we both laughed at the same time.

I didn’t know he witnessed that, it was just funny because somehow the weight on my chest was reduced, somehow he saw the kids grow up. His children.

“I didn’t want to give a different meaning then but I accidentally heard Van call Cyron uncle, who I thought was their father. Only Simon knows, but I can’t hide from my brother, Lucas. They promised not to tell because they wanted to come from you. And Simon do his job, I don’t know how he talked to your children because he got what he needed right away, and he started the examination. Then the result is positive, they were my children.”

“Did you approach them?” I asked.

He nodded. “Once. They were in alley. They were just on the side, then I accidentally dropped my wallet, they called me. My only intention was to take the wallet and leave there but they still asked me, they still argued what language to use they, I tried to answer their questions to get out of there immediately, I know, for sure, Lana saw me, she just smiled at me and averted her eyes when you came out of the shop. We’ve met once but she’s just saying hello. Lana, really a trusted person. Then after that, I left Spain, I went to Manhattan, I arranged myself, then Lucas told me to go home. So I went home. I want some clarification and hear your side, that’s why I’m here.” He just smiled while staring at me, these are the eyes I used to go crazy with.

I’m look so happy I just saw him. This is the person I have been longing for for five years. Sometimes I was afraid that he would disappear. But I was more afraid of losing my value suddenly. So I left, walked away, but I never planned to take them away from their father. I just need time, and that’s it.

“I once told myself, that this time, I will not ever force you. If you didn’t love me anymore, and don’t want me to become your husband, at least, I must have do my part for our kids. They’re still my children, I just want to be a father even if I’m no longer the one you dreamed of being married to.”

I smiled bitterly, I didn’t know how I would feel at what he said. This is what I want, isn’t it? To clarify everything. I just want my kids to be happy, they want their father. That’s enough. I will no longer seek another.

“Do you still have a question?” he was cutting into my stupidity.

I immediately turned to him, smiled slowly and then shook my head. I just want everything to be fine.

“Nothing. Take a break. I know they’ll tickle you tomorrow, so you need strength,” I said softly then I stood up.

But I was also immediately taken aback when he took my hand. “We’re okay, right?” his question not to look at me directly.

“Of course. Maybe we just need time to make the situation better, isn’t it okay? Even a little time?” I venture because my brain is still confused.

I don’t want to make another decision and then nothing will happen in the end. “Yeah, take your time. Thank you,” he said with a smile and then I finally left the room.

I just went straight to the living room and then drank water there, my throat was very dry because of that conversation even though I didn’t say much. I just sighed because I remembered the kids.

It was late at night so I didn’t know if they were asleep yet. I immediately went to their room and noticed that the door was ajar. I immediately prevented myself from entering because of the familiar voices I heard. I noticed Zaffiro turning away from the door but I could see my two children in the big bed, busy staring at their father.

“Are you crying, papa?” Van asked as Zaffiro immediately asked, then lifted the blanket up to their chest.

“You can sleep with us, don’t worry about mama, she’s a big girl, so you’re here,” insisted Inah who was already sulking, obviously still crying.

I heard Zaffiro’s laughter then messed up the hair of the two children who laughed at the same time. He took off the soles of his feet, and then stood between the two children. Its arms were made into pillows as it gently patted the children until they fell asleep.

“You might get annoyed with that, brother in -law.”

I immediately walked away from the door and then Lucas came up to me with something to drink. Milk? He smiled at me and then shook his head.

“Thank you,” he said and I immediately shrugged.

“Huh? Where?” He smiled at me and then averted his eyes.

“Thank you for confessing and for your return of your children. Ever since you disappeared, it’s like I don’t have an older brother anymore, you know? He was next to us but it didn’t seem like he was. Now just smile that, e. So, what, ahm, don’t do that again, Veron, of course he’s my older brother, it’s annoying to see him cry, I’m already annoyed because he always say your name.” He laughed and then looked at me.

“I don’t know, but maybe, I’m grateful that you and your children came, let’s say that you saved my older brother,” its long litany that stopped when he looked at me.

I immediately wiped away my tears and moved slightly away from that room.

“I-I’m sorry, I’m really sorry,” I whispered but I could see the conscience in his eyes.

“Hey, I’m not angry. I just explained, just incase my older brother didn’t tell you, what he went through. That’s all. You’ll be okay too. I’ll just consume this milk. Go to sleep too, good night.”

How else could I sleep if I heard them from people who witnessed his suffering?