Chapter Sixty Four

Chapter Sixty Four
Elliot

We were so focused on the videos that time had slipped away from us. From the first ultrasound to the birthing of Cyan, Lincoln never took his eyes away from the screen. He was so focused as I watched him closely. It was weird to see my twenty-year-old self big with child and it felt like it was just yesterday that I went through everything while pregnant. I apparently was okay having my dad record whatever he wanted. I covered my eyes and sunk further into my seat as he even got me puking my guts out one time.

It was a bit embarrassing to be honest. Watching the things I had to go through and the parts where I was even vulnerable when my hormones and emotions got the best of me. One in particular was when I was just five months or so, I remember this night as I was overcome with exhaustion, mentally and emotionally. It was one of my worst days as I lay there in bed in the middle of the night, tears swarming down my face as I quietly cried so my dad couldn’t hear me. My head was on the pillow, and I just stared at the camera on my phone.

“I don’t even know what to say, why I even turned this on.” My voice was racked with emotion as you can hear the pain coming through my words. “This fucking sucks not having you here right now. Especially on nights like this.” I went silent for a moment, sniffling as I just laid there. “I just wish you were here, that you could be here. Sometimes, most times, I think about just saying screw it and hopping on a plane and arriving right there on your doorstep but…” I sigh deeply as I wipe my blotchy wet face, staring at the camera looking so broken and puffy.

Then I crack a watery smile as I look down at my stomach that you couldn’t see. “Someone’s wide awake.” I whispered as I changed the camera view to the mound that was a growing Cyan inside. At that moment my stomach did a weird lurching, then slow waves of him moving inside me.

“Guess he wanted your attention too.”

At that point I already knew the gender as I didn’t want to wait to find out. That was actually in the last video we had watched. When the doctor announced the sex of our baby Lincoln had turned to me in that moment and kissed the crap out of me like he had actually been there. As if we were being told for the first time. The joy on his face said everything and I knew I had made the right choice to record whatever I could.

But now he was reserved as he watched me come undone in this video but seeing my stomach move like that brought out a smile. Once the video ends with me saying goodnight from both of us he turned to me with soft tears in his eyes.

“Seeing you go through that…I promise it will never happen again.” He states with conviction making me smile at him feeling so much love fill my heart.

He removes the arm part of the chair between us and pulls me closer to him with his arm wrapped around my shoulders as we continued to watch more videos. Eventually we got to the part where I went into labor. And my cheeks flamed up as I have yet to rewatch this since the day it happened. In fact, I haven’t seen all these videos again since I uploaded them because when the time came to show Lincoln, I wanted to be right there beside him watching them together for the first time. Like we were doing now.

I stare at the big screen as his butler hit the video and it starts playing. “Do you have the bag dad?” I say loudly in the speakers. I could have sworn I was freaking out when I got up from the couch just to have liquid run down my legs instantly getting my sweatpants soaked. But watching myself on the screen I looked way calmer than I actually felt at that moment. My dad wasn’t very steady with the camera as he looked around for my hospital bag that I prepared well in advance.

“Yes, yes it’s right here.” He grunts picking it up as he rushes to me, where I thought I was good enough to drive as I grab the keys.

“What are you doing. You can’t drive in this condition!” He chastises me, taking the keys from my hand.

“I’m good to driv-”

“Absolutely not! You’re in labor, about to have the youngin, the hell is wrong you boy?”

Lincoln chuckles beside me. “I like your dad. He has sense.”

Rolling my eyes I smile to see how bright his eyes were as he watched. The whole car ride was me arguing on one thing or another with my father who just argued back. I had taken the camera from him so he could focus driving. With the camera in my lap facing upward at my face I roll my eyes at something he said that I didn’t quite agree with. Lincoln just chuckles at us but then sobers when he watches pain wash over my face and I start breathing deeply and slowly like I was taught to do.

Eventually we made it to the hospital, and my dad had to take the camera back while I sat in the wheelchair heading for the delivery room. From then on it was nothing but me going through labor pains, nurses coming in and out checking on my progress and my dad soothing me with words of encouragement and stories of when my own mother had gone into labor with me. My dad never stopped recording. And while we could have skipped all this Lincoln leaned forward crossing his arms on the seat in front of him with his chin resting on them. He was completely immersed in the video. So much so that we didn’t even hear the door open behind us.

“Master Lincoln…” Toby calls out, catching both of our attention.

We both sit up immediately when we see Cyan rubbing his eye as he races down the aisle straight toward his father. Lincoln immediately opened his arms to gather him up. “Hey there buddy.”

Cyan hugs him as he gets completely comfortable in his father’s embrace. Lincoln nods to Toby who just slightly bows and leaves the room without another word. I watch Cyan lay his head on Lincoln’s shoulder facing me still not quite fully awake. I reach up to smooth back his unkempt hair that was in all different directions. I give him a smile as I whisper, “How was your nap?”

He just rubs his eyes again while Lincoln rubs his back in gentle strokes.

“What are you guys watching?” He ignores my question, turning to see what was on the big screen. Typical of a five year old’s attention span.

Just then the sounds of my moans of pain and discomfort hits the speakers. We all became focused on the video as I tell him, “We’re watching the day you were born.”

Cyan turns around in Lincoln’s lap and settles his back against his chest completely focused on the screen now. Lincoln looks over to me with a beaming smile on his face as he clutches his son more firmly to him. I knew Cyan always wanted to meet his father since he started realizing that he should have one. Every day he looked at his picture album I had created of Lincoln, always asking me questions about him. Now that it was finally here, and he sensed his father wasn’t a bad person it seemed the kid wanted to be with him constantly.

It warms my heart to see they both have accepted each other wholeheartedly. Raking my fingers in my son’s hair to tame it a little I kiss the top of his head. He was my world, my absolute everything. Just as Lincoln was. And now having the two most important beings in my universe finally coming together my heart couldn’t be more full than it was in that very moment. I stare at the two of them, both completely focused on what they were watching, both with identical looks of wonder as things unfold in that delivery room and it hits me hard on how much they truly were alike.

I knew it before, because I could see it in him every single day. But having them side by side there was just absolutely no way it could be denied that these two men were definitely father and son. They were completely identical. And for a moment I felt like I was seeing what a younger version of Lincoln looked like before I met him. Tears swim in my eyes because how could I ever possibly go through life without either of them here with me? Or even go through life where Lincoln wasn’t a part of it with us? There was one thing I knew to be ultimately true no matter what.

And that was I was never going back to that life where he wasn’t a part of it. Because seeing this…this is what I always dreamed of having and I was never letting it go.