Chapter Sixty Three

Chapter Sixty Three
Lincoln

“How long to do you plan to stare at him?” Elliot whispers behind me.
I turn to see him standing there with his arms crossed. Earlier, after our talk, I took him back downstairs to officially meet my birth father, Andi. With everything going on I realized I haven’t properly introduced them. The memory of them meeting warms my heart as I watch them smile, hugging and Andi saying,
“I remember you and your father. He always made sure the flowers in the garden I frequented was in perfect condition and had plenty of shade in the warmer weather. I used to find small joy to know that you made friends with Lincoln, even though no one else was supposed to know about it.”
“How did you know then?” I couldn’t help asking with a little shock.
“Axel told me. When you were younger you weren’t as subtle as you thought you were Lincoln. I caught the two of you sneaking into the maze at separate times before. I never spoke a word about it and had Axel promise me to never tell.”
So much for that promise.
“And to think I have another grandson as well.” He smiled warmly at Elliot, holding onto his hand with a gentleness I had craved all my life.
“I apologize that you all found out this way-” He started out with a flush of guilt hitting his cheeks.
“Oh nonsense. I know there were reasons. The important thing is you’re both here now. He’s a beautiful child who looks just like his dad that there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that he was a Besson. Our family just keeps growing and I want to get to know you both if you’ll let me.”
“Of course!”
After that they went into a full-on conversation about Cyan growing up and listening to him talk about his baby days a part of me couldn’t help feeling what Elli had mention he was afraid of happening.
The resentment.
The fact I lost the beginning of my son’s life that I’ll never be able to get back. It was an uncomfortable feeling; one I didn’t want to feel at all but deep down I couldn’t help the seed being planted there.
“I can’t help it. I guess I’m still trying to process that I fathered him.” I whisper, looking back at Cyan’s sleeping form.
He looked so small in my bed and so vulnerable too. He slightly moves reaching his small hand to rub his nose and eyes before drifting back in deep slumber. The strong feeling of protectiveness and wanting to hold him all the time swells within my chest that I realized a whole new fear hits me.
The fear of ever losing him.
Elliot reaches down and wraps his arms around my neck, leaning in to squeeze me into a hug while whispering, “He is yours. And always will be.” He reaches to grab my hand, hauling me out of my seat to head out the door.
Once we got out to the hallway, leaving the door just a crack he turns to face me. “I have something for you.”
He pulls out a black USB from his pocket and hands it to me. “When you had Jonesy and my dad go to my apartment to grab a few things I asked my dad to grab this for me. It’s Cyan’s entire life from the moment I found out I was pregnant up to his first day of preschool. I recorded everything for you. I knew that one day we would eventually be a family again or at least hoped, and recording everything was the only thing I could think of to ensure you could see what he was like as a baby. I know it’s not the same as being physically there in person but-”
I kissed him hard, not letting him finish.
He relaxes in my embrace, the tension he was feeling finally melting away. I knew the guilt of keeping Cyan a secret was eating at him. And though that little sprout of resentment had hit earlier, I could never hate him for it. Because it was partially my fault for not reaching out to him when Han went to prison.
Slowly moving back I clutch the device in my hand emotions running through me wildly. “Can we watch it right now?”
He cracks a smile. “Of course we can, but just so you’re aware this is hours of footage, might even take you days to watch everything on there.”
“I don’t care. I want to see everything.”
Taking his hand I pull him after me down the stairs and into another hallway that isn’t used very often. We had an indoor movie theater that never gets used, until recently that is. Now that Shiri and Zachary were old enough they beg me to watch movies on the big screen with them and with the new threats happening, I thought it was best to have them here at the mansion instead of going to a public one. Instantly my heart swells knowing I can do this with Cyan, as many times as he wants.
Calling out for my butler, who stayed with me after Han left, I say, “Take this to the theatrical room and play it for me please.”
He gives a curt nod and goes to do just that.
“Whoa, when did you get this?” Elli sounds a bit surprised seeing the room.
“I’ve always had it.”
He sighs with dejection. “Imagine if we were able to come in here when we were kids. We could have even had our first date here.”
I stop to face him in the aisle. “We still can if that’s what you want.”
A slow grin appears on his beautiful face. “I don’t think we’ll last throughout the whole movie. But I’m definitely up to it if you are.”
I give him a grin back pulling him after me again until we got to the middle rows. “With you here now, I’m sure this entire mansion will get christened in no time.”
He barks out a laugh. “That will be kind of hard with all these people present.”
“Is that a challenge? I honestly don’t care if they hear us fucking in every room. In fact, it’s best to tell them all exactly who you belong too.” I say seriously just for him to swat my arm hard.
“Not while Cyan is around you won’t. I would rather not have our son learn early on what his parents do behind closed doors.”
It was my turn to sigh in a dejected tone. “Shiri as well since she lives here.”
He shakes his head with a huge smile on his face, then it becomes somber. “I really miss this Lin. I really missed you.” He whispers.
I kiss him again, something I know I won’t have any control over when I’m around him and say, “Me too Elli. More than you’ll ever know.”
Suddenly the lights turned down low and the big screen lights up from the projector above us in the film compartment. We quickly sit down as he asks, “How is it possible that you can watch the USB on here? The videos and pictures are set in files.”
“I upgraded it a few months ago when Shiri wanted to watch a slideshow of our family pictures, but she didn’t want to watch it on the laptop she said. She’s spoiled beyond all reason.” I admit.
He chuckles as we watch my butler go through the files like watching a large computer screen. There were so many of them labeled with Cyan’s milestones that I became fixated on it. I didn’t even think about telling him what I wanted to look at and in what exact order, but he must have figured it out since the USB literally only had anything and everything Cyan. I watch him click on a file that states,
“Cyan’s First Ultrasound.”