Chapter Twenty-One: Lacey

It was around three-thirty in the morning when the front door to the room opened, and Ezra stumbled in, mumbling something to himself under his breath as he flipped on the light switch. The entire room lit up at once, blinding me from my spot on the couch.

“What in the hell are you doing, Ezra?” I muttered, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I sat up on the couch. “It’s late. Are you drunk?”

Ezra stood in the archway between the main bedroom and the seated lounge where I was sleeping, staring at me. His eyes were bloodshot, and he swayed a bit where he stood, but he said nothing at all.

“Go to bed,” I told him. “Your brother’s wedding is tomorrow. Sleep it off.” From where I sat, I could smell the other woman's perfume on him. Sandy Something. I hoped he’d had a good time with her. He should have just stayed with her.

“Why are you on the couch?” he asked, ignoring my comment. “There’s a perfectly comfortable king-sized bed out here.”

“You still don’t think it’s inappropriate?” I asked him. “This entire trip has been inappropriate, Ezra. Besides, I didn’t want to hog the bed if you decided to show up with your latest fling. As if things weren’t awkward enough already.”

Ezra said nothing to this, but he looked away from me, guilt tugging at his features. “Take the bed,” he said. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“It’s fine, Ezra. I’m already here.” Feeling irritated, I slid back down under the covers with a sigh, drawing the blanket over my head to block out the light. “Go to sleep. I don’t want to explain to your brother why you look like shit tomorrow.”

I could feel his eyes on me as he continued to hover there in the entryway, and I was just about to rip him a new one when, finally, his footsteps retreated. I heard the click of the bedroom light shut off, and a moment later, his body flopped onto the bed with a groan. A few short minutes passed before he was snoring lightly.

Of course, I lay awake and restless for the rest of the night, with only a few hours between rest and getting up to get ready for Elijah and Ava’s wedding. Thinking about what Ezra had done tonight with the girl Sandy made my heart hurt, and nausea rolled in my stomach. I wanted to scream at him, to yell and hit him and make him hurt the same way he’d made me hurt tonight. But—I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that because I knew just as well as he did what we were getting into when we decided it was a good idea to sleep together. And now it had happened, just as I had known all along that it would. Ezra would never change, not even for me, and I couldn’t fault him because I knew him well enough to accept it. The fault was mine and not his. I should have expected nothing less.

At a quarter to six, I finally threw in the towel on trying to get some shut eye, and I went to the bathroom to shower instead, feeling sore and bothered by the stupid couch and emotionally and physically drained. Ezra was still snoring on the bed, face-down on the pillow, fully dressed still and on top of the covers. Glaring at his back, I grabbed some clothes from my bag before retreating into the bathroom, cranking the water on hot to try and scrub off the night before. As I stepped under the faucet, putting my face to the spray of the water, the tears I’d been holding back all night finally emerged, like the opening of a dam, and I sobbed beneath the stream of the hot shower, letting all of my emotions run free.

I hated this.

I hated him.

But mostly, I hated myself.

Just as I felt like the tears were finally easing up enough to survive outside in the real world, I heard the bathroom door open, and I froze, holding my breath to listen.

“Lacey?” Ezra said softly, and for a long moment, I didn’t respond. Didn’t even breathe. “Lacey,” he said again, but he was only speaking. He made no move to open the shower door to look at me, so I kept still, wondering what he could say to make this better for either of us. “I’m sorry,” he said after a moment. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

He sounded so sincere and genuine that I almost began to cry again. But I didn’t. Not this time.

“You didn’t hurt me,” I said finally, closing my eyes against the warmth of the water. “You did what you always do, Ezra. I expected it would happen sooner or later.”

Silence followed this, and I thought he might have left for a moment. “I didn’t do it,” he said finally, and through the frosted glass of the shower door, I saw his silhouette rest against the sink counter.

“You didn’t do what?” I asked, and Ezra took a deep, heavy breath.

“I didn’t sleep with that woman. I didn’t sleep with Sandy.”

I wanted to believe this, I really did, but somehow I doubted this. The last I’d seen him, Ezra had been whispering something to the woman on the beach—laughing at something she’d said. Sandy was a beautiful girl, and she’d been all over him. My best friend couldn’t have resisted her—not really. Primarily after we’d already determined that friends with benefits were all that we could ever be.

“I don’t care, Ezra,” I said, hoping he hadn’t noticed the crack in my voice. “You’re an adult. You can do whatever you want.”

“I understand that,” he said. His tone was so quiet that I almost hadn’t heard him over the spray of the shower. “But I thought you should know anyway. Nothing happened. I—I couldn’t do it.”

Unsure of what to say to this, I sighed and closed my eyes, resting my forehead against the shower wall. “I need to get dressed,” I said finally, abandoning the conversation. “Can you give me some privacy?”

“Lacey—”

“Please, Ezra.”

After a moment’s hesitation, my best friend walked away, closing the bathroom door behind him, leaving me once more alone with my own toxic thoughts.

As the water began to run cool, I finally forced myself out and got dressed, noticing that Ezra wasn’t anywhere to be found. I was both disappointed by this and relieved. I wasn’t sure I could face him again, especially not now, not after last night.

Slipping on a pair of sandals, I walked downstairs, stopping at the café for a coffee and muffin before heading down to the beach to rest my toes in the warm sand. Elijah and Ava’s wedding was tonight, and in a couple of days, we’d be heading home, back to Seattle, back to the grind of our daily lives.

What would happen then?

I took a seat on an empty bench, gazing out across the water with a sigh. It was so beautiful here that I could have stayed on that bench for the rest of the day, just gazing out across the rolling waves, but the truth was I couldn’t keep my mind off Ezra. I knew I had to talk to him, preferably before tonight's wedding. I just didn’t want to. Not anymore. What was there to say now? The whole thing was almost over, and we’d royally screwed up.

I don’t know how long I sat there on the beach, zoning in and out, hesitant to face reality. I was just psyching myself up to go and find Ezra when someone sat down next to me on the bench, catching me off guard.

“Elijah,” I said in surprise. “What are you doing here? It’s your wedding day!”

“Hey, Lacey,” he said, gently nudging me. “I just needed some air. Everyone is so stressed back at the venue that I needed a break.” He laughed, but his tone was tense.

“Is everything okay?” I asked, and he nodded.

“Of course. Ava kicked me out because I kept telling her to calm down.”

I rolled my eyes, but Elijah was still smiling. “Men,” I grumbled. “You guys are the worst.”

“Speaking of being okay,” said Elijah, his eyes on my face. “You look lonely sitting out here by yourself. Where is my idiot younger brother?”

“How should I know?” I hadn’t meant to sound so frank, but my irritation with Ezra wasn’t about to just go away. “I’m not his manager.”

“That’s not what I meant,” he said. “Apologies, I just—”

“No, I’m sorry.” Shaking my head, I rubbed my temples, trying to ease the oncoming headache creeping up. “I didn’t mean to sound so rude, Elijah. I’m not sure where Ezra is. I haven’t seen him since this morning.”

“I see,” he said. “You two are usually attached at the hip.”

“He was certainly attached to a hip last night,” I said with a shrug. “It just wasn’t mine.”

It took a moment for comprehension to dawn on Elijah’s face, but when it finally did, he grimaced. “Sandy?” he asked, and I nodded my head.

“He didn’t get back to the room last night until three-thirty. He was wasted.”

“I’m sorry, Lacey,” said Elijah. “I only meant to help, not make things tense between you two.”

“You did nothing wrong,” I assured him. “Your brother and I are not a couple.”

“I knew that, but with the way you two have been together this week—”

“Don’t say it.” I cut him off before he could finish his thoughts, groaning. “Whatever did or didn’t happen between Ezra and me this trip is not relevant, and it’s not practical. He’s allowed to sleep with who he wants. He always has been.”

“And how do you feel about that?” Elijah asked, his brooding eyes reading the emotions in my face like an open book.

“I don’t feel any way,” I assured him, though we both knew better. Elijah knew me well, almost as well as Ezra did. There was no denying it.

“Lacey,” he said gently. “I know my brother is an idiot. Really, I do. And I know that you've been especially smitten with him for all the years we’ve known and loved you.”

“He’s my best friend, Elijah.”

“I know.” He nodded, briefly drawing his eyes to look out at the waves before us. “But have you never wanted him to be something more?”

I didn’t answer immediately because we both already knew the answer to that. But then I sighed. “Some things don’t happen the way we want for a reason,” I said softly. “Ezra and I would never work, and that’s part of the reason that nothing ever happened between us until now. He doesn’t have the same feelings that I do, Elijah. I’m just his friend, now his booty call, and nothing else.”

“Are you so certain that you’re willing to never take the leap?” he asked, catching me off guard.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, have you ever admitted your feelings to Ezra? Have you ever told him how you feel?”

“Why? So he can reject me?”

“Maybe,” Elijah said with a shrug. “Or maybe so he could finally open up himself.”

I shook my head, unable to meet Elijah’s eyes. “I spend every day with Ezra,” I reminded him. “If I had any inkling that he might share these feelings, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, would we?”

“Fair enough,” said Elijah, but he didn’t sound convinced.

“I just have to deal with it,” I murmured. “Once we go home, things will go back to normal. Ezra will continue to sleep around like he’s the catch of the year, and I’ll go back to dating mediocre men that I only wished were as great as my best friend. But maybe someday, even soon, I’ll find the man who wants me just as much as I want him.” I paused, taking a breath to compose myself, then turned my head to look at him. “You’re one of the lucky ones, Elijah. You found the love of your life, and you’re marrying her today.”

Elijah nodded, mulling this over. Then he reached over and squeezed my arm fondly. “Just don’t ever let my brother make you feel like you’re not a wonderful human being,” he said softly. “And from here on out, I will keep my nose out of your business and let you two sort it out. I promise, no more introducing him to random hookups.”

I laughed and shook my head. “Only Ezra and Ezra alone can determine whether or not to do something,” I assured him. “You did nothing wrong.” I didn’t bother mentioning that Ezra had already confessed to me that he hadn’t even slept with Sandy, but I wasn’t sure if that was true, so I didn’t bring it up. Never had my best friend been able to deny a woman when he wasn’t on a bet with me.

“Hey,” Elijah said, forcing me to look at him. “We love you. We all do.”

“I know. And I love you all, too. Now go. Go be with your fiancé. Do whatever she needs you to do before the wedding tonight and remind yourself how lucky you are to have her.”

“Thank you, Lacey. I think I’ll do that.” Elijah stood, winking at me, and glanced over his shoulder. His eye caught something of interest, and I turned to see Ezra walking towards us, hands deep within the pockets of his shorts.

“Oh good,” I mumbled quietly, and Elijah laughed.

“Good luck,” he said. “See you two tonight.”