Chapter Twenty-Two: Ezra

I was surprised to find Lacey down on the beach talking to who else, my older brother. Elijah spotted me first when he stood up from the bench. He said something to Lacey that I couldn’t hear, and she glanced back to look at me. I couldn’t read her expression. I wasn’t sure I wanted to. As I approached the bench, Elijah walked toward me. He clapped me on the shoulder as he passed, but he said nothing. He didn’t have to.

“Lacey,” I said as Elijah disappeared. She looked up at me from her perch on the bench but said nothing, only looked away again, out at the waves. She didn’t ask me to sit down, but I did anyway, hoping she would stay put and not make me leave like she had this morning.

“Hi, Ezra,” she said finally, still unable to look at me. “How did you sleep?”

“Like shit,” I told her honestly, and she nodded, unsurprised.

“You were pretty wasted when you got back to the room this morning,” she reminded me. “Seems like you had a really good time.”

“Yeah, sure,” I said with a sigh. “If you consider a good time getting drunk by myself off cheap tequila until closing time, then I had a blast.”

Lacey looked at me then, but she didn’t quite look convinced. “No Sandy to join you?” she asked. “When I left the bonfire, you two looked awfully cozy.”

“I already told you,” I said, shaking my head. “Nothing happened between Sandy and me. I—I couldn’t do it.”

“You couldn’t do what?” asked Lacey. “What couldn’t you do, Ezra? Kiss her? Fuck her? Drink with her? Who cares? I don’t even know why you’re telling me this. It’s not my business who you screw. That’s been established for years.”

“Don’t be like that,” I pleaded. “You know why it matters now.”

“I know why it matters now?” she repeated, turning her body towards mine, her gaze intense suddenly. Hard. “Tell me, Ezra, why it matters now. I’m curious to know.” I didn’t know what to say to this. Or maybe I did and was just too afraid to say it. Either way, when I didn’t answer immediately, Lacey continued on. “What is this to you?” she asked, her pale blue eyes scanning my face, reading me like an open book. “This—thing we have going on. What does it mean to you?”

I didn’t answer for a moment because I didn’t know what the appropriate response was. I knew what I wanted to say, but how could I? Speaking the truth to Lacey, telling her my true feelings, could be precisely what she didn’t want to hear, and terror clawed its way up my throat when I thought about the possibility of her leaving. What if I scared her away? What if I ruined the one true friendship I’ve ever had?

I opened my mouth and then closed it again. Still, Lacey waited patiently, the softness of her fingers against my arm overwhelmingly intoxicating as she reached over to touch me, her eyes open, pleading, waiting to hear an answer that I wasn’t sure I had for her.

“We’re just friends, right?” I said finally, and part of me hoped that she’d argue this. Finally argue this. But she didn’t. Her hand, however, dropped from my arm, and she pulled away with a nod.

“We’re friends,” she confirmed. “Like I said.”

“Friends with benefits,” I added. I wasn’t sure she would speak again for a long, tense moment, but finally, she did.

“I think we need to stop sleeping together,” she said quietly. This time when she spoke, she wouldn’t look at me. “I think we had our fun, and that’s where it needs to end. We’ll be heading home soon, and I think there should be nothing weird between us once we get back to our lives. Does that—does that work for you?”

I wanted to shake my head and tell her no. It didn’t work for me. But of course, I didn’t, because we really had no choice. That’s what had to happen, and that’s all there was.

“Okay,” I said hesitantly. “We’ll go back to the way things were.”

Tell her the truth, Ezra. Don’t fuck this up. Tell her that you want her. That you need her. Just tell her.

“Great,” Lacey said, getting to her feet. “I’m going to go upstairs for a quick nap, then get ready for the ceremony tonight. I guess I’ll see you around.” She turned away from me to leave, and apprehension clutched at my chest, making it hard to breathe.

“Lacey,” I said, and she stopped to look at me, but only briefly. I opened my mouth and then closed it again. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t say it. And she knew it.

“See you around, Ezra,” she said softly, and just like that, she was gone, nothing but a blur as she vanished back into the hotel and from sight, leaving me on the bench by myself, replaying the conversation in my head, wishing that I wasn’t such a fucking pussy …

… wishing I could just tell her how I felt, regardless of the outcome.