Chapter 124. FIONA

Chapter 124. FIONA
It had been a tiring day, but also a fun one. I laughed a lot with Scott's friends. They were funny old men. It felt good to laugh again after being stuck in sadness and frustration for so many days.
Mellisa was sleeping soundly in her car seat by the time we got home. I carried her to her room and gently laid her down on her bed. I wiped her cheeks, which were stained with chocolate sauce. She ate fudgy brownies made by one of the nursing home staff. Mellisa was the center of attention today. Everyone loved her cheerfulness. She greeted everyone at the nursing home and shared her favorite candy with everyone.
"Sleep well, my princess."
I kissed her forehead gently, and pulled the blanket up to her chin. I turned off her bedroom light, then walked to my own.
I felt like taking a hot bath before bed. I was supposed to go to the salon for a massage and manicure after completing my last mission with the FBI, but I didn't have time because, after returning to Atlantic City, I had to help Scott pack his things and sell off any other items he no longer needed. I was so relieved that I had proven to those old-fashioned FBI higher-ups that I wasn't what they thought I was. Jarvis accepted my decision to resign. He wished me the best for my life.
Such a lovely boss. I felt lucky to be able to work under him for the past two years.
Mr. Jarvis was going to recommend me to another division, but I told him I wanted a break from my routine as an agent. I planned to take Mellisa on vacation to the countryside. Clio had a friend rent out a cabin in the Redwoods. I'd like to rent it for two or three months. It would be nice to spend time alone with Mellisa in the countryside, with a different atmosphere and new surroundings. It would help me forget Joshua more quickly.
Even though Scott encouraged me to reconcile with Joshua, I didn't feel ready to do so just yet. My mind was still filled with negative emotions. I worried I wouldn't be able to speak calmly in front of him. He left too many wounds in my heart, and I didn't know how to heal them.
I took out the finest wine Travis had given me from the cupboard and poured it into a ball glass. The aroma was exquisite. I sipped it slowly, savoring the flavor of the expensive wine. It was indeed delicious. He said it was a friendship gift for me. Travis had moved on and was engaged. I was happy for him. Travis deserved a better life with the woman he loved.
As I was arranging cookies on a crystal plate to take to my bedroom with the wine, I heard three knocks on my door.
"Who is fucking lunatic knocking on my door this late?"
I grabbed my pistol from the drawer and walked to the front door with a frown. I'd never had guests this late. My neighbors never came over because they knew I was rarely home.
There was another knock.
My palm gripped the pistol tightly. I counted three times before opening the door.
"Joshua?"
Joshua's gaze shifted down to the pistol in my hand.
"What are you doing here?"
"Are you going to shoot me?"
He smelled strongly of alcohol and his gaze seemed unfocused.
“Are you drunk?”
“No. I’m not.”
Suddenly, Joshua grabbed my wrist and pointed the muzzle of his gun at his chest.
“Shoot me. Kill me now, instead of torturing me. I’m sick of living like this, Fiona. Shoot me.”
“Joshua, let go of my hand. What are you doing?”
My breath hitched as Joshua forced my index finger to press the trigger. He seriously wanted me to shoot him.
“You’re crazy!”
“I am. I’m crazy with everything you’re doing to me. I’d rather die than have you torture me like this.”
“Let me go, Joshua!”
I tried to pry the gun away from Joshua. My index finger was on the trigger, ready to fire.
We wrestled in the doorway. Joshua forced me to shoot him while babbling about things I didn’t understand.
I raised my gun and kicked him in the shin. Joshua groaned, but that didn’t stop him. He grabbed my wrist and tried to point the muzzle at him.
My index finger was on the trigger. I aimed the gun to the right before Joshua pressed my finger on the trigger.
My bullet flew upwards and hit the porch light. I screamed loudly and threw the gun to the floor. Joshua reflexively pulled me into his arms as shards of glass rained down on us. He used his broad back to shield me from the sharp shards of the light fixture.
“What the hell was that? Why did you tell me to shoot you?”
I broke free from his embrace and shuffled backward. My foot quickly kicked the gun away before Joshua could pick it up.
“That was dangerous.”
“Sorry. I just—”
“What? How much did you drink tonight?”
“Only five shots.”
“Five?” I glared at him in annoyance.
“That’s a lot.”
“I’m not getting drunk on just five shots of whiskey.”
Joshua seemed particularly troubled tonight. He looked down at the floor before looking up at me.
“I don’t know what happened to me tonight.”
He rubbed his face roughly.
“I’m going home. Good night. Sorry about the light. I’ll send a technician to replace your light in the morning.”
“I can’t believe you’re not drunk. Come in.”
“I’m fine. I’m going home.”
“No. Come in.”
I crossed my arms and gestured with my head for him to come inside.
“Stay at my house tonight. I’m worried you’ll do something weird on the way home. Don’t get me wrong,” I warned him.
“I just don’t want to deal with the police because I might be the last person to talk to you tonight. If something bad happens to you on your way back to NYC, I’ll be the one in trouble.”
“You’re being as convoluted as ever.”
I ignored his mutterings and locked the door once he was inside.
Joshua stood awkwardly in my living room. He didn’t look the same as he did weeks ago when he stormed into my house with such arrogance.
“I poured some wine. Would you like some?”
“Please. If you don’t mind.”
"Not at all. Come with me to my kitchen."
It felt strange and awkward. This was Joshua's first time entering my kitchen and seeing my house in depth. There wasn't anything special here. I didn't hang any pictures in the living room, either. There were a few photos of Mellisa as a baby in my bedroom. The house was as plain as my apartment in New York City. I'd been so busy with work that I hadn't had time to decorate it.
This house was usually just a transit point. Mellisa spent most of her time at Scott's house. I didn't have many of Mellisa's toys before, but after Scott moved into a nursing home, I had two large boxes of Mellisa's toys that I hadn't unpacked from the car. I planned to donate them to an orphanage, leaving only a few that Mellisa really liked. The little girl got bored easily. Her new toys only lasted a month at most.
"Is Mellisa asleep?"
"Yes. She's exhausted. Today we helped Scott pack his things and take him to the nursing home."
“Good for him. It must have been hard being alone after his wife died.”
“He said so too. Lea and Scott were a lovely couple. Scott successfully completed his FBI assignment. That was lucky, he said. We all never thought we’d lose Lea like that.”
I poured wine into his glass and pushed it toward Joshua.
“I have some cookies, too. If you’d like some.”
“Are you celebrating something?”
“Umm… It’s just self-reward for working so hard over the past week. It’s good for keeping me sane on these difficult days.”
Joshua looked at me over the rim of his glass as he sipped his wine. He looked like he had a lot to say, but he didn’t know how to begin.
I wanted to laugh at Joshua’s dazed expression. He was a mess, I was sure of it. But I didn’t want to take the initiative to start this conversation because I wanted to see how far he would go.
“How’s life been?”
“As you can see. I’ve made it through the worst, I guess.”
“Nice.”
I took a cookie from the plate and chewed slowly. It was my favorite cookie, with almond and dark chocolate filling. I chewed it with my eyes closed. It tasted absolutely delicious. The wine and the chocolate almond cookie were a perfect combination.
When I opened my eyes, Joshua was staring at me.
We stared at each other. The silence made me nervous. I felt a warm sensation spread across my cheeks. Joshua's eyes rolled down to my lips, where I was chewing an almond cookie. I licked my bottom lip because the chocolate had smeared at the corner of my mouth.
"How's your body doing so far? Are you still undergoing physiotherapy with Greyson?"
I finally blurted out the question because I couldn't stand the tension. It was the kind of tension I'd tried to avoid when I was alone with Joshua, but it was unavoidable.
"I'm fine. Just like you, I've gotten through the worst of it. My therapy sessions with Greyson are over. I'm doing light weight training at home and climbing stairs more to work out my muscles."
“I’m glad you’re recovering so quickly. What are your next plans?”
“Going back to Chicago and getting back to work. Erick’s been fussing and telling me to get back to Chicago right away. He said he'd take some time off when he gets back.”
“He's been so busy since he arrived in NYC. I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to take some time off.”
I sipped my wine slowly. It was to kill time, which felt so slow between us.
“I have other plans, too.”
I raised my eyebrows, waiting for his words.
“To mend my relationship with you.”
“I think we’re fine.”
“No, we’re not fine. You left before you even heard me explain.”
“Josh, you don’t have to explain anything to me.”