Chapter 125. FIONA

Chapter 125. FIONA
The air suddenly felt tight between us. I wanted to run to my room, but I was sure Joshua wouldn’t let me. In his eyes, there was a determination to straighten out any misunderstandings between us.
“I’ll be honest with you. The past two days have been back to square one. I’m a mess. I tried to find solace in bars with willing bitches, but it still didn’t make me feel better. I spent my time at home brooding.”
“You need to forget about it and move on.”
“Listen to me. Nothing makes me feel better than you and Mellisa. That's why when I saw you holding a gun, I wanted you to kill me. There's no point in living if I'm this messed up.”
“You just need time. Give yourself time and try to relax.”
“It's not as simple as you think. I've been living hell for four years. I'm a mess and can't really enjoy my life anymore. I can't focus on work. All the money flowing into my account is like shit. I can't buy happiness with it.”
Joshua rubbed his face in frustration. This was the first time I'd seen him this miserable. His illness and the chaos in his life had caused him to lose a lot of weight. His face looked gaunt, and he had dark circles under his eyes. He used to sleep very little, but he'd never been this messed up.
Guilt welled up in my heart. He was stressed because of me.
“So, what do you want?”
“You and Mellisa.”
Joshua sighed softly.
“I know you don’t like what I did that night. I’ve tried to hide the darkness of my life from Mellisa, but I can’t. I can’t pretend in front of her forever. I want her to accept me for who I am. Our daughter is a strong and brave girl. She’s not afraid of the bad things I do in front of her. On the contrary, she’s curious.”
“I understand. You can’t pretend to be a civilized man forever.”
“But I want to learn to do it,” he interrupted quickly.
“Little by little.”
I shook my head.
“No. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t like. You’re right, you have to be who you are.”
“I want to be Mellisa’s father. I want to be something to you.”
My brow furrowed deeply.
“Well, I’m too tired to talk about that. I guess you are too. I should go to bed now.”
I stood up and placed my empty glass in the sink. I wanted to take Joshua’s glass too, but decided to leave it on the table.
"The guest room is upstairs, next to Mellisa's. I cleaned it yesterday because I thought Scott would be staying here."
I looked down at my ugly toenails, and it was time to take them to the salon. This situation was very strange and made me nervous. I wanted to say something to her, but I held back.
"Good night."
I stopped near the stairs and turned back to see Joshua. He was still where he was, sitting still and unmoving.
I shook my head and blocked out the negative thoughts creeping into my mind. I didn't need them all to worsen my condition tonight.
"Fiona."
I turned when I heard him call my name.
Unexpectedly, Joshua grabbed my wrist and kissed me. His lips moved hungrily against mine. His tongue caressed my lips, teasing me. I moaned softly, releasing the frustration that had been consuming me. I was tired of denying that I didn't want this. My lips parted for him. His tongue slipped into my mouth deftly.
I was overwhelmed trying to keep up with his kiss. He pressed me against the stair railing. One hand still gripped my wrist, but not as tightly as before. His other hand pressed against the nape of my neck to deepen the kiss.
We were both hungry. I couldn't stop it. He lifted me up and wrapped my legs around his narrow hips. I surrendered myself completely to him. I didn't want to fight him anymore. I wanted to enjoy him.
“Room?”
His breath slapped against my face harshly. The fire of passion had heated us both, and it was hard to quell it. I didn't even want him to stop. I'd be furious if he did.
"My room, upstairs."
I clung to him like a koala. Our lips locked, and my arms wrapped around his neck. I was worried about his broken ribs and tried to get down, but Joshua held me close.
"I'm fine. I'll be in pain if you move away from me."
Joshua rushed into my room. He kicked the door shut with the heel of his foot.
He lowered me gently to the edge of the bed. I was dazed for a moment before he unbuttoned my blouse one by one. His lips explored my neck. It felt absolutely delicious. I hadn't been with anyone since Joshua kicked me out of his life. I'd disguised myself as a slut to seduce my targets a few times, but I'd never actually slept with any of them.
“Tell me Gideon didn’t touch you like I’m doing right now.”
My mind was too foggy to answer his question.
My blouse slid to the floor, followed by my bra. I stood half-naked before him.
“Fiona,” he growled in my ear. His hot, wet tongue explored my earlobe.
“No. We’ve never gone this far.”
“Fabio?”
I groaned at the feel of his palm on my stomach. He pulled down my skirt, leaving me in just a pair of lace panties. I missed his touch between my thighs.
“Tell me Fabio didn’t touch you like this.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as his fingers slipped into my wet folds. He pressed it with two of his fingers. It was driving me crazy.
“Joshua, please,” I begged him not to stop. But he stopped, leaving me lost.
“Answer my question.”
“No. Fabio never touched me. No one has ever touched me but you.”
I cupped his face in my palms. My eyes stared intently at him to reassure him that I meant what I said.
“Fuck. Don’t try to lie to me,” he growled and hurriedly stripped off his own clothes.
“I wish I could, but I can’t lie to you.”
Joshua pushed me onto the bed after throwing his pants to the floor along with his shirt.
It had been so long since I’d seen his powerful naked body. He remained the same as I last remembered him: big, long, and thick. I drooled at the delicious sight before me.
“Can’t wait to taste it, baby?”
“Yes.”
I felt the gunshot wound on his rib. It was still very fresh, a bright red, and felt rough against my hand. I also felt the gunshot wound on his chest. I’d never noticed it because it was covered by his tattoos. It had blended in with his sexy tattoos.
“I want to add yours and Mellisa’s names here.”
Joshua pointed to the empty spot on his right chest.
“You two are very special to me.”
“That would be great. I can't wait to see your new tattoos.”