Chapter 168 Bad Dreams

Chapter 168 Bad Dreams
Sade

I am asleep beside Rain. She was shy at first about sharing a bed with me. I, of course, wore long sleep pants, an unusual occurrence for me, but I wanted to make her more comfortable while also getting her used to being around me, beside me, seeing me without my shirt, thinking about the whole married aspect of our lives. 

I gave her a very chaste kiss on her lips this time, but nothing dramatic. I also hugged her, and I heard her inhale when she had her face against my chest. I smiled and had to make sure she didn’t see my face until I was able to get my smile under control. 

I didn’t hold her that night; I lay beside her, but I didn’t pull her into my arms against me like I so desperately wanted to. I did lay awake and watch her for a while. Just absorbing that she was here, she was back, and I had a chance to write all of this all over again. I could do some things differently this time. Try to adjust to what I had always expected back then, to what I know now. 

I was ecstatic when I opened my eyes the next morning to find her draped all over me. I pretended to be asleep and just relished her against me. When she opened her eyes, she was shocked, and I heard her inhale a huge breath, and then she moved off of me. She was blushing really badly. When I opened my eyes, I just stretched and smiled at her. I didn’t say a word about it, just held onto that feeling. 

Seeing her finally paint was amazing. It has been so long since she painted. Then when she did paint, it was like nightmare landscapes of all sorts of shit. This reminds me of what she used to paint when we lived in Derek’s house. The painting she started isn’t done yet, so I am anxious to see the final result and see what she thinks about it. She was smiling when she left the room, though, so that’s a positive. 

Right now it takes me a moment to realize what actually woke me up. Then I hear her whimper, and I realize it’s Rain. I think she’s caught in a bad dream. I am a bit worried about that. Not just because I hate the idea of her having a bad dream, but also, what might she be dreaming of? I know the doctor said the probability of her memory ever coming back was slim to none; there is always that small sliver of opportunity for it to. I will forever be watching for something to slip through that I need to help navigate. 

I touch her arm, and then as she moves restlessly, I see some tears on her cheeks, so I call out to her, “Rain, honey, wake up, baby. Rain, you’re having a bad dream, sweetheart.” 

She does finally sit up, and I hear a huge inhale of air. She looks around, and then her eyes land on me. She looks back around the room, and then wipes the tears off her face. 

“Hey, sweetheart, it sounded like you were having a bad dream. Are you okay?” She doesn’t answer right away. So I wait. 

Then she turns to me, and her lip trembles, and then before I know what she’s doing, she flings herself into my arms against my chest and starts to cry. I don’t say anything. I just wrap my arms around her and hold her to me, gently rocking her. I have no clue if that will help her, but as she always did it with our kids, I’ll give it a shot. I also kiss her head and forehead and whisper that she’s safe, and everything is okay. 

She finally manages to get a hold of herself and stop crying. She sits up more and turns and gets a Kleenex from the nightstand and cleans up her face. I just wait and watch. Then she turns back to me and just watches me for a moment. 

“Sorry about that. I just felt really sad and trapped, and I had no clue what was happening. I don’t really remember it; I just remember the feeling. I didn’t mean to cry all over you like that.” I smile just a bit. 

I decide to just do what I feel I need to, so I reach out and pull her back up against me. I kiss her forehead once more. “I am here for you to cry all over any time you need to. That is in my husband job description.” She laughed lightly, which had been my goal. 

I just lay there, with her against my chest, my arms wrapped around her, and although I’m sad she had a nightmare, and I really hate the context, and I’m glad she remembered nothing, it was just a feeling; I am loving having her where she is. I continue to run my hand up and down her back in what I hope is a comforting gesture. I am having to fight to keep my dick from getting hard because she’s in my arms and I’m touching her. I keep telling myself this is not the right time yet. 

She just stays there breathing softly against my chest. Eventually she falls asleep there. I just smile, holding her, happy to have her in my arms. I do eventually fall asleep as well, but it takes me a while to be willing to close my eyes and not just watch her sleep. She doesn’t have another nightmare, though. 

In the morning, I can tell she’s embarrassed. “Please don’t be embarrassed. I’m glad I was there for you. I’m sorry you had a bad dream. I am here if you want to talk. You have had a huge amount of stuff thrown at you, and adjustments you are trying to make. You have years of memories that are just gone, so give yourself a break. It’s no wonder you had a bad dream with all of the stress of all of that.” She just nods at my words. 

She doesn’t say anything else, and she does eventually seem to be able to relax about it. I don’t bring it up, and neither does she. I do watch her more that day, though, if that’s even possible. I just want to make sure that nothing will interfere with this new life we are building together. I finally have her in a happy spot, and come hell or high water, I intend to do anything I need to do to keep her there.