318: Small grudges

318: Small grudges
Ella’s POV

The soft hum of the TV filled the apartment as Shawn and I stood in the kitchen, the scent of the roses he’d brought still lingering in the air. His presence felt grounding, like a piece of the puzzle I hadn’t realized was missing until last night. 

But as much as I wanted to stay in this moment with him, my mind kept drifting to Lily. I needed to talk to her, to address what had happened at school earlier with Mirella. It wasn’t just about a bag—it was about her feelings, her place in my life, and I couldn’t let it fester.

“Hey,” I said, glancing at Shawn, who was leaning against the counter with that easy smile that made my heart skip. “I need to talk to Lily about what happened today. You want to come with me?”

His smile softened, and he nodded. “Yeah, of course. I’d love to see her.”

We walked down the short hallway to Lily’s room, the sound of her favorite cartoon growing louder as we approached. The door was slightly ajar, and I could see her curled up on her bed, her eyes glued to the screen, a stuffed bunny clutched in her arms. 

The sight of her, so small and absorbed in her little world, made my chest ache with love—and guilt. I knocked gently on the doorframe, and her head snapped up, her curls bouncing.

“Mommy!” she said, her face lighting up. Then her eyes landed on Shawn, and she squealed, scrambling off the bed and running straight into his arms. “Shawn!”

He laughed, catching her easily and lifting her into a hug. “Hey, kiddo,” he said, his voice warm as he hugged her tightly. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too!” she said, her voice muffled against his shoulder. “Where’d you go? You didn’t come see me for so long!”

Shawn’s eyes met mine over her head, a flicker of regret in them. He set her down gently, crouching to her level. “I’m sorry about that, Lily. But if it’s up to me, I’m not going anywhere again, okay? I promise.”

I smiled, my heart swelling at his words. “And I’m not planning on keeping Shawn away from you again, sweetheart,” I added, brushing a curl out of her face. “He’s here for you, just like I am.”

Lily grinned, her eyes darting between us, but I could see a hint of uncertainty in her expression, like she was trying to make sense of us being together again. 

I gestured to the bed, and we all sat down, the cartoon still playing softly in the background. Lily climbed into my lap, her bunny still clutched tightly, and Shawn sat beside us, his presence steady and comforting.

“Lily,” I started, keeping my tone gentle but firm, “I heard about what happened at school today with Milla. You guys were fighting over a bag?”

Her face scrunched up, and she crossed her arms, her lower lip jutting out. “Milla stole my bag!” she said, her voice sharp with indignation. “It’s mine, Mommy! She can’t just take it!”

I sighed, brushing my hand over her hair. “Sweetheart, Milla didn’t steal anything. I gave her that bag as a gift. Remember when I told you I was giving it to your cousin? You said it was okay.”

Lily’s eyes narrowed, and she shook her head stubbornly. “No! I didn’t want her to have it! She’s always taking my stuff, and you love her more than me!”

Her words hit me like a slap, and my breath caught in my throat. “Lily,” I said, my voice soft but urgent, “that’s not true. I don’t love Milla more than you. I love you so much, more than anything in the world.”

But she wasn’t having it. Her little face crumpled, and she buried it in her bunny, her voice muffled but angry. “You do! You’re her mommy too, and you give her stuff, and you don’t love me the same!”

I felt my heart break, the guilt and pain twisting in my chest. I pulled her closer, wrapping my arms around her, trying to hold back the tears pricking my eyes. “Oh, sweetheart,” I said, my voice trembling. “I’m Milla’s aunt, not her mommy. You’re my daughter, my everything. I could never love anyone more than I love you.”

Shawn’s hand found my shoulder, his touch warm and reassuring. He leaned in, his voice low and calm. “Lily, you’re just a kid, and it’s okay to feel a little jealous sometimes,” he said gently. 

“It’s normal to get confused. But your mom loves you more than anything, and Milla’s your cousin—she’s not taking your place. You’ll see that as you grow up.”

Lily peeked out from behind her bunny, her eyes still watery but less angry. “Really?” she asked, her voice small.

“Really,” Shawn said, giving her a warm smile. “And I bet Milla would love to be your friend if you give her a chance. You two could have so much fun together.”

I nodded, stroking Lily’s back. “He’s right, sweetheart. Milla’s your cousin, and I want you two to be close, like sisters. But no one could ever take your place. You’re my baby girl, always.”

Lily sniffled, leaning into me, and I hugged her tightly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m sorry if you felt like I didn’t love you enough,” I said, my voice thick with emotion. “I promise I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

She nodded against my chest, her small arms wrapping around me. “Okay, Mommy,” she whispered. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I said, my heart swelling as I held her close. Shawn’s hand stayed on my shoulder, a quiet anchor in the storm of emotions. I glanced at him, grateful for his presence, for the way he knew how to step in without taking over.

We sat there for a while, the three of us, letting the moment settle. The cartoon played on, its cheerful music a stark contrast to the heavy conversation, but it felt right—like we were rebuilding something, piece by piece. 

Lily eventually wiggled out of my lap and grabbed her bunny, her mood lighter as she started babbling about her favorite character on the show.

Shawn leaned closer, his voice low so Lily wouldn’t hear. “You okay?” he asked, his eyes searching mine.

I nodded, managing a small smile. “Yeah. It’s just… hard, you know? Hearing her say that. I never want her to feel like she’s not enough.”

“She knows you love her,” he said, his hand squeezing mine. “Kids get jealous sometimes. She’ll be okay. You’re a great mom, Ella.”

His words warmed me, easing the knot of guilt in my chest. “Thanks,” I said, squeezing his hand back. “And thanks for being here. It means a lot—to both of us.”

He smiled, that soft, boyish grin that always made my heart skip. “Anytime.”

We spent a little longer with Lily, watching her cartoon and letting her show Shawn her latest drawings. She was thrilled to have his attention, and watching them together—her giggling as he pretended to be impressed by her stick-figure art—made my heart ache in the best way. This was what I’d missed: not just Shawn, but the way he fit into our lives, like he belonged here.

As the afternoon faded, I knew I’d have to get Lily ready for dinner and bed, but I wasn’t ready to let Shawn go just yet. “You sticking around for a bit?” I asked, keeping my tone casual but hoping he’d say yes.

He grinned, leaning back on the bed. “You trying to get rid of me already?”

I laughed, nudging him with my elbow. “Not a chance. But I’m warning you, Lily might rope you into watching another episode of that cartoon.”

“I can handle it,” he said, winking at Lily, who giggled and climbed back into his lap.

As I watched them, I felt a flicker of hope, like maybe we could figure this out—me, Shawn, Lily, all of us. It wouldn’t be easy, and there were still so many questions, so many things we hadn’t resolved. 

But for now, in this moment, with Lily’s laughter filling the room and Shawn’s hand brushing against mine, it felt like enough.