19

Chapter 19 part 1 Confront I have no idea where we are heading. All I knew was that I wanted to go home. But even telling Aldrin to take me home I still couldn't hear. I just feel so tired and empty from my encounter with Jared a while ago. I just really hope he senses that I want to go home. "Did I disturb you and Jared a while ago?" The litany of my thoughts was broken when Aldrin spoke. "Not really," I replied without looking at him. My faces were in front of the window and my gaze was on the views outside, on our way. I heard him sigh. "I'm sorry. You look like you were in a deep trouble a while ago so I parked my car in front of you and Jared. I just hope I didn't intervene too much." I turned to him. "Don't be sorry. It was actually helpful. I should be thanking you in the first place, Aldrin." I don't want to tell him why it was helpful, though … But I think he knows. "I was actually planning to take you on a date today but I think I should just … cancel it." I looked at him again. He looks on the road so I can't read his expression. It was as if something was pinching my heart. He is already trying but I just cannot get along with him. "Uh … maybe next time, instead?" I don't think I can go on a date with anyone now that I think I hurt somebody. I don't have much strength to interact with people, too. It's better not to do that first. "Sure." "Really sorry," He turned to me. "It's fine. I understand." He gave me an assuring smile. "Shall I drive you home, instead?" I smiled back. "Yes please." Then there was silence until Aldrin broke it again. "Have you already asked him?" Even though the idea of his question was not complete I knew immediately who he was referring to. "Not yet … I don't think I can." He turned to me abruptly. "I don't want to pressure you but you should." I sighed. "I know … but not now. I'm not ready for his answer yet, Aldrin." I felt his car slow down. "Thal, I admit that I hate the fact that you like him. But what if I'm wrong? What if he says no? You should try," "Do you think I would believe him if I confront him and he denies it?" "It's up to you to decide, Thalia. That's where you can measure how strong the trust you have for her is." I fell silent. Trust. Isn't the fact that I'm avoiding him now an indication that I lack trust in him? That I am not confident in his love for me? "I think I really messed up with your mind so bad. I'm sorry. I just can't let go of the thought that he's maybe just playing-uh, sorry." I winced. "You always apologize, Aldrin. You shouldn't." Even though my brain was really very upset because of everything Aldrin said about Jared, I was still grateful. All of that informed me of the possibilities … That he might be just playing around but I'm too blindly in love with him to notice it. Aldrin's warnings awaken me. His words reminded me that I should really stop for a while and observe him. When I got home I went straight to my room. I just laid my body on the bed for a while and I fell asleep. Maybe my brain is really too tired so that's it. You know that? Would you rather be physically tired than mentally tired? Because when you are physically tired, you just rest for a while, you will feel good. But when the mind is tired, it is very difficult to erase. I woke up because of a call. I was immediately disgusted to see who it was. Jared. I thought, after what he had seen before, he would never feel it again. That was one of the things that bothered me before. I knew he might not be serious with me but I knew in myself by the time he stopped me, I would be hurt. Because I love him. I just stared at my phone until the call died. I don't have the strength to answer that. I was scared to know what he was doing after I left him earlier. Anyway, I haven't really answered his call lately so that doesn't make him new. If that's already his last call, if today's the last time he will chase me, then I should start unloving him now. I don't want to lose the game. When my phone rang again because of another call from him, my heart feasted. I was filled with hope. Isa. Even now, I will answer his call. I just want to know if he's fine. I wanna make sure. I hope he is. So, I clicked the answer button of my phone. A loud sound welcomed my ears upon answering his call. "Thalia," He said in a drunk tone. Shit. Don't tell me he's in a bar! My chest tightened. If something happens to him because of me, I will never forgive myself. I heard him sob. Damn it. "Baby, please speak up. I want to hear your voice," A tear escaped from my eyes. I close my eyes emphatically. "I-I can treat you better than Aldrin. Baby, choose me over him…" My fists clenched. I cannot stand hearing his miserable voice. I clicked the end button of the call. Fuck the possibilities! I just want to forget those and go to him now! If this is how he is affected by what he saw before, it doesn't mean he is serious with me! He wouldn't get drunk if he wasn't serious, eh! But shit, I should really ask him first! I won't be able to continue loving him without asking him and damn it but I'm not yet ready. Also, how do I ask him? 'Jared, someone told me you were just kidding me. So, are you just kidding me or are you serious about me? ' - Is it like this? I guess it's awkward! I stayed walking back and forth inside my room for an hour deciding whether I'll go to wherever he is or not. Even though maybe Jared used to come home drunk, I'm still scared for his safety. Eventually, I just realized I was just calling my bar-loving classmates and asking if they had seen Jared at whichever bar they were currently at. "She's here now, Thalia. Alone-- ah, she has a roommate. The one she's holding … a woman." The hesitation on Kian's voice was obvious. My chest tightened. An hour ago, he was just crying on me and now, he got a girl? What is it really? "Is that so? All right … thank you." I was planning to follow him wherever he is but upon knowing that he's with someone else, my anger flared up. But what if Kian is lying? For the past days, I didn't trust Jared. Doubt reigned in my heart. Everyone deserves a chance to defend themselves. And so, I got up from my bed, took a brisk shower, dressed up, and went to the bar where Jared is. I need to see if it's true. It is enough to listen to what others have to say. I should see for my own self. If it's true that he has a flirtation again, I need to hear his reason why. I know I don't have the right to ask him since I'm not his girlfriend but he told me he loves me. Maybe that's reason enough for me to demand reason. Also, no holding back this time. If I had to confront him now, I would do so even if I was not ready. It's embarrassing to ask, I'll do it. It's as tiring as being hurt. If he denies it, I still need to observe and be careful. If he admits it, then I lost the game. Hello, heartache. Chapter 19 part 2 I immediately went out of the cab and paid for my fare upon arriving at the bar. Fortunately, mommy and daddy weren't there before. I was able to sneak in easily. The coldness of my hands and the weight of my feet. It was very difficult for me to step them inside. My heart is beating frantically that it feels like it'll explode sooner or later. "Excuse me," I said to the waiter I met. "Yes ma'am?" "Where is Jared Arevalo's table?" The waiter thought for a moment before answering me. "Uh, maybe he's on the second floor, ma'am. For VIPs. Just find him there." "Thanks." I took a deep breath before heading to the second floor. Though I am nervous, I still managed to walk elegantly making some guys try to hit on me but they didn't succeed. "Thalia Villegas," I said to the bouncer who was watching over those going to the second floor. The bouncer let me in immediately. As I stepped inside the room I looked around. Tables 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 … My world seemed to collapse when I stared at table 9. Jared Alexandro Arevalo is French kissing a girl. His hands were all over her body. They were shamelessly lip-locking in public. Shit. I think I'll get a heart attack soon if I'll continue watching them. A tear escaped from my eyes. Damn it. Confirmed. The confirmation is not just for what Kian said. It is also a confirmation that he's maybe just playing with me. The possibility that he's just playing with me just got higher or more than that. "Dude! It's Thalia!" I turned to the speaker. Travis, by the way. Jared is turned around. We were right. I wiped my tears with the back of my palm and turned my back to them. I said before, I will ask and listen to her reason why she is a woman again. But to see face to face how a woman she is, the pain! I went here to ask him a question. But maybe I saw that better. How stupid am I to think of giving him a chance to defend his self. I've been a mess these past days weighing situations! I really used my rationality just so I can be fair to him but that's all I can achieve. Just … what the fuck. Did I just confirm that he's just playing with me? That whenever we're not together, that's what he does? I believe that if you love someone, even if he hurts you, you will not be able to look at others. You will never be tempted. Or maybe he wasn't hurt before. It's been his job since then. How stupid am I to think that a playboy like him would take me seriously. I am no exception to other girls he's been with before. Aldrin's assumption was right. He is just playing with me. There is no question question yet. I can see that. Once a playboy, always a playboy. All his words were just sugar-coated and I am damn scammed. By the way, when I first avoided him, I just kept going. You're a fool, Thalia! You have given up too much on your emotions! He even forbade Aldrin to date me just so he could get me alone ?! The real worse of him being a playboy! If he didn't do that, I wouldn't love him! Aldrin would still be there! I wouldn't have been hurt now! I must be happy now because I found out Aldrin likes me too! Chapter 19 part 3 "Thalia, let me explain!" And the devil followed me. I accelerated my pace even more. Tears kept flowing from my eyes. I had a hard time wiping them. He can't see me crying and hurting because of what he did. Pride. I just have pride now. "Thal, you got it wrong-" "You got it wrong you face!" I said it out loud. How can I get what I saw wrong before, aber ?! That friendly kiss just that? Oh come on! I almost lost my balance when he pulled on my wrist. I removed my wrist from his hold and gave him a brittle slap on his cheek. He was dumbfounded for a while. He confronted me. His eyes would bulge with intoxication. "Slap me again. Slap me all you want. If you think that's what I deserve, if it can make you forgive me-" Request granted. I slapped him hard again. Now, on the other cheek. "Fuck you!" I screamed. He moaned again but he remained silent so my blood boiled even more. Speak up, Arevalo! I wanna make you mad like how I am right now! "I should've really believed Aldrin since the day he told me those things," I even got to the point that I'm ready to accept whatever you did to Aldrin and me before, just say you love me … His eyes narrowed. "What did he say?" "You're just kidding me-" "Fuck!" I was silenced by the force and fervor of his swearing. "Is that why you were avoiding me? Fuck again but why are you believing him-" "Oh shut up! Shut the fuck up!" My breathing was fast and heavy. "All of his assumptions were true! I just saw it with my own eyes, Jared! Don't lie!" "I was here because of frustration for seeing you and that bastard going together somewhere. A girl approached me. I'm sorry, okay? I was just so mad at you that I kissed her! She's out of this! I am not playing with you- " "You think I will believe you?" "Yes! You should because that's the truth! Why do you believe Aldrin-" "Because he's a more sensible person! We know from the beginning, you've been a playboy, Jared-" "So just because of that you won't believe me-" "Yes!" His lips protruded. Even if maybe a few times he would insist that he was serious with me, I wouldn't believe it anymore. He just broke my trust. "And you really made every effort to play with me, didn't you?" I laughed sarcastically but contrary to my outer reaction, my heart is extremely contracting. His forehead creased. "What?" "Aldrin already told me everything. You told him not to date me. You even used your power to threaten him. Seriously, Jared. Threatening someone just to fool somebody? You're so mean!" He clenched his jaw. "I don't know why you keep on insisting that I'm just playing with you. Don't dominate how I feel, Thalia. I know myself better than anyone-" "Shut up! Don't say that you are taking me seriously again 'cause I will never believe you!" Then there was a temporary silence. He shook his head in a slow manner. "You are seriously accusing me wrongly, baby. I did that to win you-" My rage risen up immediately. "Win me ?! Bullshit!" I was caught in my forehead. "So you're really playing me. What's this, a tournament? I'm done with the trophy that when you win you can prove to everyone that you get everything? Is that so-" "Damn, Thalia! Is that really how you think of me ?! I'm in love with you so I did that-" "Really?" I laughed sarcastically. "Love is what you call it ?! Well, I call that bullshit! Bullshit that bullshit!" Her lips parted. He licked his lower lip and tilted his head to the side before speaking. "All right, how can you say if it's love, Thalia? Tell me. Because that's my way to make you feel my love. How should I, Thal?" "If you really love me, you should've let Aldrin date me too. Love isn't selfish, Jared. You need to take the risk. But you didn't. You treated me to him so you could get me right away. So you can brag right away! " His jaw dropped. "I can't believe how you perceive what I did. If I didn't do that, do you think, you'll still notice me? Don't you? Because we both know that Aldrin is what you want. You won't give me a chance. if I didn't do that. And I'm sorry but I won't regret what I did- " I shook. "Even though, Jared. You totally forbade him. You didn't fight fair. You really didn't love me." He didn't tok the hard way to get me. That means he isn't serious at all with me. Love involves patience and perseverance. Add what I saw earlier? Oh come on. Almost six months ago, my schoolmates admired me because I could afford to slap Jared every day. Until he slowly got me. But he doesn't know that he already got me. I'm the only one who knows. 'Thalia Ysabel Villegas. The last woman standing. ' Will I let it go forever? Sooner or later, he will leave me. Let us not think about the arrangement anymore. He can always run away from it if I ever choose him. So, before everyone gets caught, I'll go first. I looked at him in the eye bravely and said, "But it's fine. I'm not at a disadvantage. Your poor moves didn't affect me at all. Aldrin is still the one I love." Even if he hurt me, he doesn't know. He has nothing to brag about. The fight is fair. We are both losers. His jaw fell extremely. I waited for what he would say. It took him a couple of minutes before he was able to respond. "I accept it but please give me one more chance, Thal." He said, weakly. He stepped closer to me. I backed away. I moaned as he knelt in front of me. "Stand there." He ignored what I said. He looked up and our eyesight was correct. His tears sparked. "Baby, I'll accept all your accusations but please give me a chance to prove that all of those were wrong." He took my palm and buried it in his face. "Please, please …" At times like this, I should make my heart numb. If I'm going to affect what he's doing now, I'm the poor one in the end. I swallowed the bile in my throat and spoke. "No, I'll never give you a chance again. You don't deserve it. And Aldrin said he likes me. We'll be real," I lied. I don't know when I will fall in love again after this happened. I just realized that what I have for Aldrin back then was only adoration. Puppy love, that is. Jared. He is my first love. And it turned out this way. I removed my hand from his hold. His hands seemed to lose strength. It fell back on the ground. He just bowed. I started to walk away from him. No more chances. If I give in to him, it's as if I'm betting my whole life on a love that I'm not sure if it's true. Arriving at the side of the road I could no longer cope. My knees gave way. I knelt on the cold cement. I cried so loud for the pain, anger and grief. From this day onwards, I will not let my fate direct my life anymore. I will make my own destiny. This is the beginning. Cutting to the worsening I feel for Jared. Letting my fate direct me gave me nothing but pain. That is not possible. "Damn." I looked up to see who was speaking. Aldrin also knelt in front of me. He wiped my tears away using his thumb but it's useless. My tears kept flowing. "If I had known that telling you those things would make you this miserable, I shouldn't've told you about it anymore," he said before he pulled me for a tight hug.