20

Chapter 20 part 1 Choose "Drink this, Thalia," Aldrin handed me a bottle of mineral water. None of myself have you accepted and halved. I didn't realize how we got here on the rooftop of the PAV Philippines building, Aldrin's engineering firm. I think we knelt on the road for about an hour earlier. I, crying, he quietly lays me down. He sat down next to me. In front of us were the lights from the city buildings. The city during night time is so breath-taking and relaxing but tonight, it's useless. It can't lessen the heaviness of my chest even a bit. I've felt Aldrin's balance and restraint before and I'm grateful for that. "Does your parents know about this?" I shook my head. My mouth just won't open to utter even a single word. He sighed and then pulled me towards him. I, on the other hand, who had nothing to do with myself, just gave in to what he wanted to happen. He wrapped his arms around me. He hugged me in from my side. I leaned my head on his shoulder. I just need this kind of comforting right now. He sighed. "I don't seriously know how to comfort you at this time, Thalia. I'm sorry. I only know things about engineering. For things like this, I am the dumbest person alive," I barely laughed at what he said. It is still possible to laugh even if you are hurt. I wish I knew nothing about things like love. Life would be easier without love. But do I really know anything about love? I don't think so. I'm stupid. I was fooled, e. He drove me home past eleven o'clock in the evening. We were together for like 4 hours and yes, that was the amount of time I needed to calm down and wrap myself up. That was also the amount of time I needed to bring out all the pain. But I know that's not enough yet. I have to shed many more tears just to get rid of the pain. When we got home I caught mommy, daddy, and Daphne drinking tea in the garden in front of the house. There was a look of astonishment on their faces but I knew they were just holding back from asking because I was still with Aldrin. I can also sense mommy's slight disapproval. I remember we hadn't had a misunderstanding yet. But of course they can't be angry because they know he's one of the options. I was going to prepare a long explanation after he left but he preceded me. He explained why we were together and why we had just come home. Or maybe he didn't explain to my family, he did some sort of lying, covering me up. He couldn't tell them Jared made me cry. I ought to myself that the issue is only mine to keep and since Aldrin also knows it, it's just the two of us. I do not know. There are problems that should be just you. And this is one of those. Heartaches. Heartbreaks. Gone are the days when the lives of everyone around me were running normally. No one knows about what happened, about what I am going through. Every time I go to school I feel like I'm going through nothing. And people around me would treat me normally, too. Except for Aldrin, of course. Little did they know, as I lay in my bed every night, I silently cry until I get tired and fall asleep. I don't really see Jared anymore either. It could be because of his OJT or he really doesn't show up to me anymore. It's better that way. "Are you still there?" I looked up at Aldrin. Here I am on one of the benches outside the gymnasium as I wait for him to finish. "Quite. Are you done?" They have a basketball practice game today for the basketball tournament next week of all universities in Metro Manila. I just chose to wait here outside because I don't want people to have another issue with me. "Yup. Sorry to keep you waiting. Let's go?" He raised his brows. I smiled. "Okay," He's taking me out today again. Being with Aldrin these past few weeks really helps me to heal. He's the only one who knows what I'm going through. And I can say that I feel better now compared to when he found me crying on the side of the road. Gradually I came to accept the painful truth. We became closer now. Maybe what happened to Jared and I became a blessing in disguise for us to be close to each other. But if that is the case, it is a huge reward for what destiny has demanded for it. Every day that I see his effort to make me completely well, I can't help but ask. What if he still is? Am I very happy? But why is it that when I speak my life seems to have been planned? That will not change my current situation now. The only constant thing is change. Many things can still happen. Feelings that are over can come back. I can easily manipulate my destiny. But I don't want to think about them first. I just want Aldrin as a friend right now. A knock on my door stopped Yaya Gina from doing my hair. He went to the door then opened it. It spat out Daphne who was already fully dressed. I just got even more depressed. Everyone is busy preparing downstairs and I am still here in my room, doubting if I should join them later. But I can't not go. Or should I say, will they get angry when I don't go? Me and my decision to feature later. "Ate, can I have a moment with you?" I turned to Yaya. "Yeah, can you just continue later?" "All right. Just hurry up and maybe the guests will come. I haven't fixed your hair well yet," I sighed. "Okay," I watched Daphne walk to my bed as Yaya left. When he sat on my bed I let out another deep sigh then looked in the mirror again. I looked at her reflection on the mirror. There was a trace of pity in his eyes for me. "Don't look at me like that. I don't want to be too pitied. It only makes me even more discouraged." Her eyes widened. He adjusted his seat and then took a sip. I shook. I thought back then, the worst night of my life was when I found out Jared was just playing with me. Not yet. There is something worse there. That was tonight. "What are your plans?" He asked. "Nothing." "Nothing?" I lazily turned to her. "You saw how I begged them to stop this shit and you also saw how they ignored my pleadings. I'm tired of arguing, Daph. I won't get anything either. If they want me to choose, then so be it." She sighed and went to me. He hugged me tightly. "I know this is hard for you. I'm sorry on behalf of mom and dad. But don't think your whole family is cruel to you. I'm still here, sister. I will be here no matter what you do or your decision is. I'm on your side. " I patted her head. I'm still lucky somehow. "Thank you, Daph." It's been six months and two days since my parents told me that they are going to arrange my marriage. That frigging arrangement that messed up with my life, with my heart. And tonight is the moment of truth. I'm going to choose who I can marry to Jared and Aldrin after college graduation. Chapter 20 part 2 Mom reminded me of this two weeks ago. I can almost forget that there is something like this as much as I think. I argued with them again to cancel this. Previously, I had received this arrangement because of Aldrin and later because of Jared. But now, I don't want to again. Who will I choose? I love the other one but he's a danger himself. The other one's safer, but I don't love him. Why can't I have my own freewill? This is marriage that we're talking about! At least a little more time. It's just that I feel better about myself. Maybe I can regain my lost feelings for one. To make it easy to choose. Now, I have no choice. But I ended up hopeless. My parents won't listen to me. I almost knelt down and begged them. I never expected my parents would be this cruel. So I'm lazy now. Mommy actually ordered Yaya to fix me because she knew I wouldn't move. Why would I fix it if I knew in a few moments, I would be considered for something I wasn't ready for? It seemed that in a few moments, I would be hanged. Hopefully, it's just the end of the world before I even step on the table. A few moments later I was called. I languidly went to the dining area. Every step I take toward it makes my heart pound. I can almost hear a climacteric music background in my head because of the intensity of my situation. Bahala na. I guess this is really my fate. They want me to choose now? Then I'll choose now. When I got there, they were all complete. They all turned to me when I entered the room. The Arevalos were on the right side, with mommy beside aunt Jene, while the Villacortas were on the left side, with Daphne beside aunt Andreia, Aldrin's mommy. Daddy is in the head seat of the table. Jared and I were right. His aura right now is far different from the Jared that I used to be with for the past six months. His vibe tonight is dark, lethal, and ruthless. I want to show him that I'm not just any fragile girl he can deceive through my stares. Even that is true. I just stopped when daddy tapped me. The seat adjacent to dad is empty. I got the cue. I went there to sit down. It's as if I'm really going to be taken to a hearing. I was in the middle of it all. The cold makes me sweat. My heartbeat got even stronger when I chose to go through the Arevalo band. Their presence screams of so much power and danger. It's just their last name, it's scary for me. I walked straight, none of them looked at me especially Aunt Jene as if she wanted to talk to me. I just feel like we shouldn't talk first because we're going to get mad at her son. Aldrin stood up and pulled the chair for me. The tension in my chest only got worse. This is so awkward. So damn awkward. I didn't look back at anyone when I sat down. I don't want to see their reactions on his move. Especially the Arevalo. Aunt Jene and … Jared. "Are you sure you're now fine with this? Maybe I can do something to ruin this dinner," Aldrin whispered in my ear. I was even more miserable. Aldrin, Brent (even though he's confused as to why) and Daphne (who I feel like everyone already knows) were my running mate when mommy and daddy and I argued again about it so Aldrin knew how much I hated it happening now. He offered me help to convince the elders to cancel this but I declined it. I knew he would do that for me because he felt sorry for me even though he was okay with this arrangement. I can't always follow my will. I really shouldn't have made him feel bad about the arrangement because he was involved in it. That was insulting to him. But I have no choice. They are the only three I can ask for sympathy. So, after days of ranting to them, I just pretended that I'm already fine with this shit. I am really hopeless. I was the only one who could help myself but I also couldn't fight my parents. "Don't worry about me. I can do this," I whispered back. If anything, even if it can be canceled now, I know I still can't keep quiet because it's my family tradition. So why should I prolong my suffering? I better choose now and face the consequences later. It will take me even more time to prepare. Dad cleared his throat. Everyone's attention turned to him. "We all know why we are all here tonight. But I think before we proceed to our agenda, we should eat first?" "We think so too, Joseph." So, we took our dinner first. The room was filled with chitchats and laughters from the elders. They were talking about business and other stuffs that's not familiar to me. If they can talk it seems like there is nothing serious to talk about later. If so, why are they so nervous? Our lives will be affected, not theirs. And then … "Shall I start now?" Dad finishes dinner. "Sure," Mr. Arevalo and Mr. Villacorta. Dad cleared his throat. "Our family since then practices arranged marriage. It may look outdated now but it is our tradition," Dad shrugged. The elders laughed. It's not funny. Arranged marriage is not a joke. "To address the word 'outdated', we took the modern way of arranging marriage. Xandro, Phillip, six months ago, Daieanah and I sent you letters about the proposed engagement of our eldest daughter, Thalia to your sons and thank you for gladly accepting our offer … " I don't want to hear these nonsense things anymore. "We have given our kids six months to know each other so that Thalia can decide which of the two of them. So … Thalia, who is hija?" They all turned to me. My heart hammered so fast. It's like I was asked in a job interview and then I didn't know what to answer. I looked at every person in the room. Dad looked at me, waiting for my answer. Mommy and Daphne nodded. Tita Jene is looking at me hopefully. Then, my eyes went to Jared. He wasn't looking at me. He's playing with his glass of wine like he doesn't care of what's happening here. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I choose Aldrin." Chapter 20 part 3 There was silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. When there was still no word I decided to stand up. "Excuse me," I said and walked myself to the garden. I don't want to see their reactions. I'm not happy with my decision but it's the best among the rest. I received nothing that I really lost. This is the type of destiny that I can't manipulate because other people manipulate it. I can manipulate my feelings but not my own marriage. Since I cannot escape from this, I should just choose the best option that I know. Aldrin. He is the safest option. He loves me and I believe him. Maybe it's not too late for Aldrin and me. My feelings for her can come back. We can work together for that. I can't choose your one. I don't want to end up being a miserable wife just because my husband has too many love affairs. He doesn't love me. So even if he is the one I love, I will not choose him. I'm going to miss the game. "You're really choosing him, huh?" The familiar voice behind me made my breathing halt for a second. The hysterical beating of my heart whenever he's around began again. He is very dangerous indeed. I simply wiped the tears from my cheek. "You heard that before, didn't you?" I said while still turning my back on him. He could not answer. It was a long time before he could speak again. "You don't love him." I got nervous. He could not know that I was not happy with my decision. I feel like a loser then. I confronted him. "And what's your basis for saying that?" "It's so obvious." "Don't be wise, Jared. I feel it so I know how I feel-" "Then why do you conclude that I'm just playing with you? I'm not allowed to lead how you feel but you're with me, okay? I guess that's unfair, Thalia." I fell silent. "You don't love him. You love me." I laughed sarcastically. "If I love you, you should be the one I choose, Jared. But no-" "Baby, you're just mad at me that's why you're doing this. It's not what you want. Let's settle our argument now. Please don't be impulsive-" "You're already concluding wrongly Jared. Stop thinking stupid things. You're crazy!" The more that he's insisting, the more that I want to point out that I am happy with my decision though I am not. He closed his eyes firmly as he clenched his jaw. "Am I really losing you now?" "No, Jared. You're not losing me because I am not yours from the very start." What a lie. He took out a deep breath, eyes still shut. "Are you really happy with your decision?" "I am genuinely happy with it so I hope you stop me. I want you out of my life, Jared." My first statement was another lie. The last two, I don't know. He nodded and opened his eyes. "I've always wished for your happiness. Sadly, I can't be the reason for it." He smiled sadly. "One last question, Thal. Answer me 'no' and I'll give up this battle now." I gritted my teeth. "Spill it up." "Even … even once, you didn't love me? Even an hour, just a minute? Even a little bit, didn't you feel anything for me?" Her eyes widened. Damn. I have come a long way to manipulate my emotions. I can't utter a thing that won't match my past statements. My courage will be destroyed. I swallowed hard and clenched my fists before answering. "I've only thought of Aldrin for the past seven years. I've only loved him. Nothing else, even just for a minute." And that was the biggest lie I said among all the other lies that I've been saying since earlier. When he came to my life, my feelings for Aldrin easily vanished into thin air. That's easy. He bit his lower lip and nodded. "I guess this is really the end of it …" We were silent for a while. When he looked up at me again his eyes were very red. "Don't worry, I won't disturb you again as you wish. And about the thing that I'm just playing with you, that isn't true. I've been dreaming of you since God knows when, if you only knew. The chance to date you that was given to me, I take that seriously, Thal. I love you so much, e. It's a pity and I can't convince you, "He smiled, sadly. He groaned and looked up to stop his tears from falling. I felt pity and pain but shouldn't. He closed the distance between us and planted a quick kiss on my lips. My eyes rolled but before I could speak he turned his back on me. "Goodbye, Thalia."