Chapter 170 Left

Chapter 170 Left
Crying a little, I kissed her shoulder, failing to maintain our unforgettable eye-contact. 

“I love you more than your husband, more than Asim, more than any man could possibly love you,” 

Allowing my tears to be free briefly, I started to shake, startling her but amid this, she cupped my face. 

When she made me look at her, we both ended up crying again in rhythm, probably making the devastation beautiful.

But, what could I say? 

Everything was exquisite with her- even pain- so what if it was unbearable too? 

“And it is hurting so damn much to know that you are not here. It is hurting right here,” I cried, taking her hand to place it over my heart.

Her one apology had flared the chains I created for myself.

It made my heart scream, it set my soul on fire.

“I love you, Noor-e-Jaan and before I cross my line and do something… leave.”

“Zaviyaar….”

And before it could cause a wrong action, I collected my barely alive pieces and let her go, gasping for her, looking away as she was holding my shirt with a lowered head.

Ah, the shame in her eyes… 

“I was only staying here to know what you want to tell me. I have found my relief, I will gladly spend the rest of my life with your one sorry now.” 

Taking a deep breath, I pulled back before my urge took control, helping her to stand up as well.

“Please forgive me, I didn’t want to break your heart so badly, I was so bad to you, I hurt you, you were never happy with me,” She whimpered, holding my hand for the last time before releasing it with a tight squeeze. 

“It’s enough for me. But, I can’t bear anymore so go. Bless you,” 

I forced a trembling smile, giving her shoulder a pat to go back to her life after ending the weight on her shoulders. 

At least after my blessing, she could start a better life.

“Before you know… I.. just want you to know…” 

Then why did I say it? 

“My arms are open for you,” 

AALIFA NIYAZ

I just wanted to apologize for my actions and late realizations but his last words stole my soul. 

His one invitation had flared the chains I created for myself.

It made my heart scream, it set my soul on fire.

It made me leave my soul here and return as an empty shell.

‘I bet he must have held the same thought but he actually ended up inducing those things he only thought to my core…’

What the fuck was I supposed to do now!?

Barely holding my scattered posture with wide and watery eyes, I was staring out of the window when we were returning. 

At this moment, I realized- I was exhausted but ‘never’ hollow.

From his love, to living for our baby, for him, I always had something to cling onto and now… I had none. 

All that remained was a scar.

What an unworthy life I was living…

“Are you okay?” Ahmer asked, noticing the glistening tears.

Impotent to release them anymore, I merely hummed coldly.

“Who knows?”

“Is that all you wanted to say? Sorry? Or changed it because of me?” He inquired further, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. 

Sighing, I wiped the salty water and turned to him, not having enough strength to force a smile too.

“Just wanted to apologize…”

“No one is perfect or good in this world, then why apologize for who you were?”

“But that doesn’t give me the license to destroy the ones around me. The ones around me are cursed, they meet nothing but sorrow,”

I expressed the perception of mine I had created. Everyone around me had met nothing but misery, I took their glee away too.

I had done nothing good in life. And now I was doubting my existence. How could possibly me going back to him would provide him with solace?

“Do you think I will have the same fate?”

“I guess so. I think I am… Manhoos. (stricken with a curse)”

“Come on, no one in this world is.” 

He frowned at my comment but that was what I had started to consider myself. 

“I don’t see myself as the best partner anyways.” 

“Then why don’t you try to give us a chance…?” He suggested.

Taking a deep breath to calm down and since I had nothing left in me, I nodded emptily.

“Okay,” 

After returning, I took a shower, hoping that could wash away my sorrow but it had no effect. Instead it wrapped itself gloomily around me, suffocating me.

Keeping up my cold gaze, I soaked my hair with a towel, preparing lunch. 

His words, his images, everything about him was flashing before my eyes.

‘What should I do? Was leaping to him a good idea? No, no, I am not a cheater. This is my life now, I am married. I can’t think of…’

And I couldn’t bring myself to regard Zaviyaar as ‘another man,’

I could chest my chest becoming heavy, my breaths being restricted. 

At a certain point, my hands quivered too but swallowing hard, I continued my work until Ahmer thankfully broke my rhythm.

“Aalifa,”

“Yes? Haven’t you gone to work yet?” I asked softly, tugging my hair behind my ear.

“Yeah, I will leave after lunch,”

“I see. Okay, it will be ready in half an hour,” 

Averting my gaze, I didn’t know why but I had zero concerns about what he would think. I didn’t do anything wrong… right?

I just apologized, not confessed my love, or expressed the desire to run away- nothing immoral, right? 

Right..? 

Sighing at me unable to meet his eyes, he came closer. I let the food cook at medium flame as he held my hand, bringing me closer.

“Ahmer, f-food,” 

“Look, I did what you wanted. I think it is time for us to start our lives, just you and me. I truly want to give us a chance, Aalifa,” He whispered, kissing my knuckles. 

My body shivered at the contact. The hopelessness to work this pathetic marriage out, to be a real husband and wife.

He even agreed for the last meeting.

And once again, I had put zero effort as his wife…