Chapter 28 What the fuck

Chapter 28 What the fuck

Cecilia

For the first time in weeks, I drove home smiling.

Not a fake smile like I always did when people asked how I was doing. This one was real.

My doctor's appointment should have been the highlight of my week as I was now declared cancer free and completely healthy. But instead, the thing replaying in my head wasn’t the doctor’s words. It wasn’t even any words.

It was Alex sitting across from me in that booth, doing absolutely nothing and somehow still making me feel better.

I could still picture him leaning back in his chair, pretending not to notice how miserable I was. The memory made my chest feel strangely warm, maybe because lately everybody wanted something from me.

Teachers wanted good grades, my parents wanted me to be okay and my friends wanted reassurance. Everyone was always asking, expecting, talking. Alex had simply sat there and the realization made me smile again.

If Amber heard my thoughts right now, she'd never let me live it down.

I parked in front of the mansion and grabbed my bag. I stared at the house again and let out a deep sigh.

The house looked perfect, the kind of home people saw in magazines. The kind of home people assumed contained a happy family. If only they could see me now standing at the front door and dreading entering. How ironic.

I stepped through the front doors and immediately hit with screams from very familiar voices.

"Maybe if you actually communicated like an adult…"

"Communicated? That's rich coming from you!"

The warmth from earlier disappeared immediately and so did my smile. The screaming echoed through the house. I closed the front door quietly. Maybe if I slipped upstairs quickly, I could hide in my room until they were done fighting.

"You never listen to anything I say!" Mum's voice came, loud and angry.

"Because everything somehow becomes my fault!" Dad responded with the same intensity.

The voices were coming from Dad's office. I quietly began to walk towards the staircase. I wasn't doing this today, not after everything. I was in a good mood and I have every intention of keeping it that way.

I climbed the first few steps and paused. Their voices got louder.

"You forgot her appointment! How could you forget your own daughter's hospital appointment?"

The words made me stop and then I turned around slowly. My heart sank as I realized they were fighting about me.

Mom's voice echoed through the house. "You forgot too!"

"Because I had a meeting!" Dad fired.

"Oh, and I didn't?" Mom fired back.

"That's not the point!"

My stomach became painfully tight. I couldn't believe they were arguing about the appointment that they had both forgotten. Neither of them had bothered to show up for. Once again, they chose work over their daughter.

I should have just kept walking and gone upstairs, locked myself in my room. But I couldn’t move. That feeling was returning. The same one I had tried to push away for months.

The argument continued. "If you cared…"

"If I cared?" Mom laughed bitterly. "Don't you dare question how much I care about our daughter."

"Our daughter?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Dad scoffed. "When was the last time you spent actual time with her?"

The silence that followed lasted only for a second, but it was enough.

Enough for something inside me to finally snap. I dropped my bag so loud that the argument stopped immediately and the both of them turned towards me.

Neither of them looked angry, they just had that look of surprise on their faces.

"Cecilia…"

"No,” My voice came out louder than I intended. Neither of them spoke.

I laughed, but it lacked humour. "No, don't start acting concerned now."

Their expressions changed. Mom looked confused and Dad looked worried.
I was so unbelievably tired.

"Cecilia, sweetheart…"

"No." I repeated, this time even more louder.

My hands shook and I hated that they shook. I hated that I could already feel the tears building and I didn’t want that.

Dad took a step towards me. "Cecilia, let's talk…"

"About what?" My voice cracked and I swallowed hard.

What exactly do they want to talk about? The fact that they forgot again?

The fact that I'd sat alone in a hospital waiting room today wondering if my cancer had come back?

The fact that I'd watched every other patient arrive with family while I sat there by myself?

Which part exactly were we discussing?

"You know what?" I laughed again. "Forget it."

Mom looked like she was going to cry any second. "Cecilia—"

"No!" The word echoed through the house that the force of it even surprised even me.

For a moment nobody moved and nobody spoke. I looked between them. At the people I loved most in the world. The people who used to feel like home.

And suddenly all I felt was exhaustion.

"You guys don't even hear yourselves anymore."

Dad frowned. "What?"

"Every day." My voice trembled. "Every single day."

Mom opened her mouth to speak, but I didn't let her. The dam in me had finally broken and I need to let those words out.

"You fight every day."

Silence.

"You scream every day."

Dad looked away first.

"You hate being around each other."

"Cecilia, that's not…" Mum interrupted but I cut in.

"Then what is it?" My voice cracked again and this time I didn’t bother to hide it. "What is it, Mom?"

She stared at me without a word. I felt tears burn the corners of my eyes. But once I started talking, I couldn't stop.

Months of fear, of disappointment, of pretending. Everything poured out.

"If you're so miserable, then just divorce each other!”

The silence afterward felt deafening. Mom looked stunned and Dad looked like I'd slapped him.

Good.

Because maybe now they understood. Maybe now they'd finally see it.

"Do you know what it's like?" I shut my eyes tight. "To come home every day wondering who's going to start screaming first?"

Nobody answered.

"Do you know what it's like to sit at breakfast and feel like you're interrupting a business meeting?"

Still nothing.

My vision blurred and tears that I had been trying so hard to hold finally began to drop.
I hated that.I hated crying. Especially in front of them.

"You forgot my doctor's appointment."

Mom's face crumpled and Dad closed his eyes.
Neither of them denied it, because they couldn't.

"I sat there alone,” I clenched my fist tightly. "I was terrified."

My voice shattered completely. I remembered the last time, the first diagnosis. The fear, the uncertainty, all of it. And I had gone through it alone. Again.

"I know everything turned out okay," I whispered. "But what if it hadn't? What if something was wrong? What if I needed you?"

My voice broke at the last word because it was the truest thing I ever said. I had needed them, both of them. For months I'd wanted the both of them to see me, not cancer, not my recovery, just me.

I wanted them the embrace this part of me that came out victorious in the end. I just wanted everything in my life to go back to normal again. I wanted to stop being so terrified and…alone.

I wiped my face angrily. "I can't keep doing this. I can't keep pretending that everything is fine."

Neither of them spoke but I caught tears streaming down my mom's face. I didn't let myself look as I picked up my bag and began to walk away.

"Cecilia…" Dad's voice followed me, but I didn't stop.

"Cecilia, please." Mom was full-on crying now. I still didn't stop, because if I stayed another second, I would completely fall apart.

I ran upstairs, past the family portraits, expensive decorations and past every beautiful thing in the house that couldn't fix what was broken. Then I slammed my bedroom door shut.

I slid down against the door and let everything out. I cried until my chest hurt. I buried my face in my hands.

This week, I had received the best medical news of my life and somehow I'd still ended up feeling alone. The irony almost made me laugh.

Instead, I kept crying. I didn’t stop until I was too tired, but I didn’t get up. I remained curled on the floor, emotionally exhausted.

The house was quiet now and I stared blankly at the ceiling. Then my phone buzzed. I ignored it until there was another vibration. I let out a deep sigh. It was probably Luke or Amber.

I reached for my phone. An email notification glowed on the screen. It was from Blackwood High Administration. I furrowed my brows as I opened it.

My eyes scanned the first few lines and then I sat upright and read it again.

"What the fuck?”