Chapter 29 Why do I feel this way

Chapter 29 Why do I feel this way

Cecilia

I was still angry when I got to school the next morning.

Actually, angry wasn't the right word. I was completely furious.

The kind of furious that made me walk faster than normal and made people step out of my way in the hallway. The kind that had Amber texting me three question marks after I sent the email to our group chat.

I ignored her and Luke's message because I had bigger problems. Namely the fact that our teacher had apparently lost his mind.

The email sat open on my phone as I marched down the hallway towards the faculty office, the words replayed in my head.

“Congratulations, Ms Evans,

You have been officially been registered as Blackwood High's representatives for the State Inter-School Debate Competition. Your debate partner is Alex Gomez.”

I reread the email multiple times, hoping the content would change. It didn't. Our teacher had registered Alex and me for the debate competition I specifically said no to.

After everything that happened last night, this was the very last thing I needed to worry about.

I turned the corner and immediately stopped as I saw the person standing outside Mr Holloway's office.

Alex.

He leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, looking equally annoyed and I knew instantly that he too wasn’t happy about it.

For a moment neither of us spoke. Then his eyes landed on my phone. "The email?"

I held it up. "The email."

He sighed. "Yeah."

At least I wasn't alone in my outrage. I folded my arms. "You got it too?"

It was a stupid question because of course he has gotten it. He wouldn't be standing here if he hadn't. But I was too outraged to check my words.

"No, Cecilia. They only entered you into a duo competition." He responded sarcastically.

I glared at him.

He looked completely unimpressed. "Obviously I got it too."

Alex pushed himself away from the wall. "I figured that's why you're here."

"No kidding." I scoffed.

He glanced toward the office door and then back at me. "What are you gonna do?"

I didn't answer. Because honestly? I didn't even know. Part of me wanted to scream at Mr. Holloway. Another part wanted to withdraw immediately and a tiny, irrational part of me wanted to crawl into bed and pretend the email didn't exist.

Instead I grabbed the door handle. "We're fixing this."

Then I walked inside. Alex followed behind me. Mr. Holloway looked up from his desk.

The second he saw us together, he groaned, "Oh no."

"You entered us into the competition,” I didn't even bother greeting him.

Mr. Holloway closed his eyes briefly. "Good morning to you too, Cecilia."

"No." I pointed at him. "We already said no."

Beside me, Alex nodded. "We were pretty clear about that."

Mr. Holloway sighed heavily. "Sit down."

"We're not sitting down." I crossed my arm.

He pinned me with a glare that had me complying to his request. I might be angry but I didn't want to get into trouble for disrespecting my teacher. So Alex and I were sitting across from his desk.

Mr. Holloway folded his hands. "I know you're upset."

"That's a funny way of describing fraud." I scoffed.

Apparently, my mouth didn't seem to get the whole ‘not disrespecting the teacher’ message.

"Cecilia."

"No, seriously. Is identity theft the next school initiative?"

Alex made a choking sound beside me. I glanced at him. Was he trying not to laugh? This wasn't even funny.

Mr. Holloway rubbed his temples. "I had a deadline and I couldn't find another pair.”

I stared at him. Surely he wasn't serious. But unfortunately he looked like he was.

Mr. Holloway leaned forward. "The competition registration closed yesterday."

I frowned. "So?"

"So I needed representatives."

Alex spoke this time. "There are hundreds of students in this school."

"None of them are you two."

The room fell silent. I hated that answer. Mostly because I knew he wasn't entirely wrong. The class debate had gone well.

Too well, apparently.

Mr. Holloway continued. "I've watched students debate for years and I know you two are a formidable pair. You challenge each other intellectually and academically. You make each other better.”

Normally, I would have scoffed at his last statement, but for some reasons, I found myself shifting uncomfortably in my seat. I could have sworn Alex had gone entirely stiff beside me.

Mr Holloway continued, oblivious of the tension he had somehow created between us. “And it's not like the debate prep is going to make any difference when you're already spending so much time together.”

My head snapped up. It's not like the tutoring sessions between Alex and I was a secret but how did he know about it?

The teacher continued, clearly oblivious of the turmoil she had caused inside me. “It's not going to take much of your time beyond a few minutes after school. I can even discuss with Principal Watkins to incorporate the debate prep into your sessions. That way you aren't wasting any time on it. All I'm asking is that you think about it before withdrawing."

Alex glanced at me with a somewhat soft expression on his face. He adjusted in his seat and leaned forward. And I just knew that whatever he says would change the trajectory of things.

“No.” I blurted. Alex turned to me with a surprised expression on his face.

“No?” He repeated.

“No.” I said firmly this time. I stood up and cleared my throat. “I appreciate you entering us into the competition but I will be withdrawing. I'm not doing it.”

Mr Holloway looked a bit disappointed. “Is there a specific reason you're not doing it?”

“It's my senior year. There are other things I need to focus on. I've already missed out on too much school work. If you'll excuse me, I have to go back to class.” I said.

“You're excused.” The teacher muttered reluctantly.

I turned and walked out quickly before anyone could say anything to stop me. The hallway blurred as I marched away, desperate to get out of this vicinity. I didn't know where to go, I just knew I had to hurry up before Alex caught up with me.

"Cecilia." And unfortunately, he caught up with me.

I inhaled sharply but didn't stop walking. I just increased my speed. "What?"

"Can you stop walking for a second?"

"No."

"Why?"

Because if I stopped, I'd probably say something stupid. Unfortunately I stopped anyway.

I spun around. "What do you want?"

Alex looked genuinely confused."What's your problem?"

"My problem?"

"Yes. You didn't have to drop out from the competition. Holloway was wrong for including us without asking but we can still make it work. He's right, we spend so much time together anyway.”

“Well, maybe that's the problem.” I snapped at him.

Alex looked even more confused. “What do you mean?”

I glared at him. I was running high on emotions. Anger, frustration, but most importantly, intense confusion.

Lately, things between us had changed. And that scared me more than I wanted to admit, because things were easier when Alex was just my rival. The annoying boy I competed with. It wasn't the same anymore.

So instead of saying any of that, I lashed out because that was easier. "We don't even like each other."

The words came out harsher than intended. Alex froze and something flickered across his face. Briefly. So briefly I almost missed it.

Hurt.

But I didn't let myself consider it. I didn't question why it bothered me that he was hurt. So I continued,

"We shouldn't pretend we do."

The silence that followed my word was so thick that you could cut through it. Alex stared at me and slowly, his expression changed and immediately. I wanted to take the words back, but it was too late.

Then I remembered how just yesterday he was telling me about his mom, about the job and how scared he was. How vulnerable he had looked.

He didn't have to tell me any of that. But he did. Because he'd trusted me. And now, I had basically thrown that trust in his face.

Alex laughed softly. "Oh."

The single word hit harder than shouting would've.

I swallowed hard. "Alex.."

"No."

For a moment he looked away and then he turned back at me. "I thought things were different."

My stomach dropped. I had thought so too, I just didn't want to admit it. I don't want another thing to change in my life.

Alex shook his head slightly. "Forget it."

"That's not what I meant." I tried to explain but it was already too late. He’d heard what I said, not what I intended.

And honestly? I couldn’t blame him.

He stared at me for another second and then nodded once.

"See you later, Cecilia." Then he walked away.

I stood frozen in the hallway and my chest tightened painfully. Why did my heart suddenly feel like it was sinking?

I looked down at my hands. They were shaking and I closed my eyes and wondered whether I had just ruined the best thing that had happened to me in months.