Chapter 26

I stood by the fire pit as I saw Chris walking over towards me and he had a grin on his face that I couldn’t tell if he was actually happy or amused. I froze because I was too afraid to move and he had to come at the worst time when Elliot isn’t here. He stopped walking, the fire barely lighting his face, and I stared at him wondering what he could be thinking by approaching me. I took a quick glance around seeing everyone still looking between us and was waiting for me to respond back after Chris called my name.

“Holy shit, it is him.” I heard from behind Chris and I saw it was his best friend that used to bully me; I never bothered to remember his name.

“What do you want?” I asked.

“Hey, come on, that’s not what you say to a friend you haven’t seen in two years.” His friend said as Chris watched me.

“Michael, let’s talk.” Chris said as he kept his eyes on me.

I glanced around as they looked at me curiously, as if uncertain about joining in the interaction, and I slowly walked over towards him.

“Michael, where are you going?” Luis asked as he finally reached our group with Jennifer.

I couldn’t look at him and stared at the ground, “I’ll be back.”

“Come on, Michael.” Chris said, almost sounding impatient.

I followed him when suddenly someone grabbed my hand pulling me back and it was Luis. “Do you want to go?” He asked me.

I couldn’t look at him because I wanted to say no and was afraid of what could happen when I’m alone with him, but I nodded my head as I slowly moved my hand to get out of his hold. It took a lot in me to follow beside them but once we were further out of their site Chris reached to grab my upper arm leading me away from his friend and I glanced back seeing how further out we were away from the fire pit. Chris pulled me to a building used for public showers and he pushed me against the wall once we were inside alone.

“What do you want?” I said, my voice came out low.

“Come on, I miss you,” he said. “I didn’t think I'd see you again after the day you ran into me.”

"I didn't want to see you," I said pressing against the wall. “Aren’t you done with me?”

“I’m not. What’s with all that shit you were telling people before you left huh?” he asked as he poked me on the shoulder. “Saying it was my fault.”

“It is,” I said, my voice coming out hard. “If you don’t believe that then you're still the same person after all this time.”

“Don’t even blame me.” He said as he grabbed my arm. “I didn’t fucking tell you to kill yourself.”

“I’m not blaming you for what I did, but you know it is partly your fault,” I said, stunned at hearing his words and feeling disgusted at his touch. “Let go of me.”

“You’re so fucking stupid and pointing fingers for your pathetic life. You’ve always been full of yourself. Crying like a goddamn baby. Always saying, ‘why me?’ ‘Poor me’ and it was so annoying.” He said. “You just wouldn’t shut up when you couldn’t handle it.”

“And what was wrong with that when you were the one kicking me in the ground? You saved me from my past, but you end up being like the people I tried to run away from.” I tell him. “Don’t you see what you caused or you just don’t want to admit it? You’re a bully, Chris.”

“Don’t you compare me with those kids that bullied you in middle school.”

I shoved him away as I felt suffocated from the tight space between us. “Then don’t fucking act like them. I thought we had something in the beginning and I thought you felt it too. I didn’t mind it when you kissed me because I thought you cared about me.”

It finally became silent between us and it made the air feel so heavy around us.

“I did feel something.” He told me softly as he walked towards me again. “You were something that I didn’t want to share with anyone and I thought that would be better.”

“You’re such an asshole,” I said pushing him away as I was close to tears. “I’m not a fucking property that you can do as you pleased.”

He sighed loudly, “Don’t start crying.”

I wiped my face, I couldn’t help it that I already am. “I almost died and I was so scared.”

“It was your decision on what happened and I didn’t tell you to do it either.” He said as he started moving away from me like he was shrugging off my words.

I wanted to reach out to grab his arm so I can have him listen to me, but I didn’t. “No, don’t you tell me that after what you did to me. Don’t you remember that you forced yourself on me when I didn’t agree to it? How do you think I felt afterward and you started to treat me like shit too. How do you expect me to react to all that? All you did made me feel alone and worthless.”

“It’s almost two years and you're still thinking about that?”

“It made me sick,” I said. “You don’t know how much I’ve been struggling since then.”

“So, do you want me to say sorry? Is an apology all you want?” he asked as he looked down at me. “You’re acting like I should feel guilty over sex.”

“It's not just sex!” I shouted as I looked at him starting to feel both irritated and frustrated that he wasn’t listening to me.

“Then what is it?” he asked, his voice rising as he reached out to grab my arms.

I felt my chest tighten when he grabbed me and my body froze as I couldn’t say anything because I was afraid of what he might do. He looked as if he was waiting for me to say something then he leaned over towards me feeling his lips close to mine, but I shove him away. Somewhere in me felt like this was going to get dangerous if he was going to try to do something like this and I had to leave now while I still can. I was about to move around him to leave when he grabbed my face pushing me back against the wall and it caught me by surprise before I quickly raised my arms to shove his hands off me.

“Just stop. I’m done talking.” I said as I tried to control myself so I would be able to leave and I can feel the panic rising. “I just want to go back to my friends, please. I never want to see you again, Chris. Don’t even come near me and just forget about it like we never met.”

“We’re not done talking.” He replied as if he didn’t hear what I just said.

He tried to grab my arm again so I moved away almost slipping from the wet floor and I just felt his hand shove my shoulders back against the wall forcefully. I gasped; either in shock or maybe my anxiety finally caught up to me that I believed it hurt. He grabbed my arm again trying to hold me while all I could do was push him as my panic started to grow more becoming harder to control and I’ve forgotten how strong he can be. I’m beginning to struggle to keep my anxiety under control and trying to focus on my surroundings while figuring out what to do next. I reached out to put my hands over his face scratching his face so it caused him to take a step back and this gave me a chance to run around him, but he pulled me back by grabbing my shirt. We both fell to the ground after slipping on the wet sandy floor after our quick action and he moved to be on top of me.

“Stop,” I said fitfully.

I was starting to have a hard time breathing as he kept pressing me down and I tried to pull away every time he pinned me down, but Chris always wound up over me. I lay there staring at him feeling my chest hurting from my rapid heart beat and I wasn’t sure what was going to happen if I looked away. I feel like I’m being suffocated just by having him over me and so many things are running through my mind; so many memories coming back to me. I felt like I couldn’t breathe as he leaned closer to me when suddenly I felt him being thrown off me and someone grabbing both my arms lifting me away. I looked over to see that Luis was the one that grabbed me while Elliot was on the ground on top of Chris hitting him with his fist.

I slowly moved to try to go over towards them, but my body felt so heavy from shock and Luis was also holding me back. “Elliot,” I called.

He wasn’t paying attention to me and I watched as they both fought against each other. Breathing heavily, I tried walking over to them just wanting all this to stop, but Luis pulled me back and I could only imagine Chris hurting Elliot as he did with Ceasar. When I saw Chris taking his turn to hit Elliot I took my chance by reaching over grabbing his arm trying to pull him away, but when Chris realized that I was getting involved he pulled his arm so hard that I fell to the ground. I hit my forehead on the pavement and I groaned as I tried to pull myself up when I saw a crowd coming over. I don't know how they all found us because I was sure that we were alone when I left the group, but I’m so thankful that someone can help us.

By this point, I was breathing heavily that I noticed both Fernando and Brian were trying to break the fight as they arrived, but everything was a blur. It seemed like Chris tried to leave after seeing there were more people involved now but all three, Fernando, Brian, and Luis went after him; I couldn’t tell where they ran off to. I touched my forehead feeling it sting from the impact of hitting the floor when Elliot came beside me and he was saying something but my eyes couldn’t help look around for Chris hoping that he wouldn’t return. What happened to Chris? Where did he go?

“Michael, look at me,” Elliot tells me, his breath heavy from the scruffle.

“Where is he?” I asked him.

“It’s okay. He’s being taken care of,” he said, reaching to grab my arm but I pulled it away from him as I continued to look around and stayed sitting on the wet ground. “Michael, we were able to call for help.”

I shook my head, “He’s going to come back.”

Elliot moved to block my vision so I can focus on him, “Michael, listen to me, he’s not. I promise. Now, tell me, are you hurt anywhere? Aside from your head, did he do anything else?”

I raised my hand to touch my forehead and saw a bit of blood on my hand, “Um, no, he didn’t. We just had a fight… How did you find us?”

Elliot was about to open his mouth when he turned to see two policemen walking towards us then he glanced back at me as he stood up. “Wait here. Don’t move.”

I saw the cops talking to Elliot when Luis reappeared in front of me again, “Who called them?”

“I had Jennifer call while I followed you. I’m sorry we took long.” He tells me as he helped me up and I took a step back feeling the wall behind me. “Hold on, don’t move so much.”

“I need to get out of here,” I told him as I couldn’t stop shaking and my breathing was coming out short; I was still feeling suffocated. “Please, I need to get out of here.”

“Okay, let me help you. You're going to need to talk to the police since we’re gonna make a report of what happened.” Luis said as he reached for my arm to lead me outside.

I could only nod as he helped me step outside feeling the fresh air hit my face and I can finally let myself take a deep breath no longer feeling trapped inside the building. Glancing around, I saw that there was another cop beside their patrol car and for a second I couldn’t tell what was going on before seeing Chris sitting inside the car. I stared at him for a long minute until I turned away as Elliot walked over to me with the policemen beside him and now they were wanting to hear my explanation of the event. It took me a while to explain what happened from Chris calling me away from my friends, to the argument and how I injured my head.

“Do you need medical attention? We have to escort you to the pier then be transferred to the hospital to get that looked at.” One of the police officers asked.

I shook my head, “No, I’ll be fine. It’s just a scratch.”

Elliot stepped forward after they were done with me, “Can we press charges? Assault?”

I glanced at Elliot, a little stunned by this question, then looked at the policemen.

“We’re going to have to call your parents if you're underage and file the report,” he said as he's writing on a clipboard then turn to us. “Considering that there was an injury during the event and witnesses to back up the report.”

“You don’t have to call my parents since I’m already eighteen.” Elliot said before glancing over at me. “We should call your mom as well and report for both the assault and battery”

Stunned, I didn’t know how to respond but nodded my head as I’m giving the policemen my mom’s number and Luis had to leave with everyone else after they were done giving their statement since they were involved in breaking the fight. They wouldn’t allow them to stick around so Luis told me to reach out to him once everything was over and I made sure that I stood beside Elliot the entire time until my mom arrived. It took awhile to process the whole event and, like Elliot, she also wanted to press charges after hearing the whole story. I knew this was something that should be done, but it was making me nervous as they were talking to the police while I tried to not look over at the car where Chris is still inside handcuffed. After another fifteen minutes passed, they finally started leaving and I felt my mom wrap her arms over my shoulder as she pulled me closer to her while checking me.

“How’s your head?” she asked me as she saw the bruise.

“Okay, but Elliot shouldn’t you go see a doctor?” I asked as I noticed that he had a cut across his nose and his bottom lip looked a little swollen.

He shrugs his shoulder, “I’ll be fine once I clean it at home.”

“Wait, you're going to head home on your own?” My mom asked, turning to him.

“I’m fine. It wasn’t like he beat me up so badly.” Elliot said, his cheeks turn a bit red as if embarrassed. “I got him back for it as well.”

“Elliot…” I mumbled.

“Sorry, I was kidding…” He said as he looked at me before turning to my mom. “I hope you don’t mind me coming over tomorrow.”

I looked at him reaching out to grab his hand, “Stay the night.”

He glanced down at me before turning to my mom. “Would that be fine?”

She looked over at us before nodding, “Yes, that’s fine with me.”

I didn’t want to sleep alone tonight and I still felt shaky after everything that happened that my anxiety hasn’t settled down. It should have calmed down by now, but I still felt on edge like something else was going to happen and I couldn’t let my guard down. We started making our way to the parking lot, heading back home, and my mom made sure to check on my forehead. There wasn’t much that she could do for the small swelling of it besides cleaning it, add some ointment on the cut, and cover it with a bandaid. Elliot didn’t arrive at my house until another hour later and we went to my room to lay down after my mom checked on him as well.

My mom had me take my pill before letting me go to my room and I hoped that it would help me so I could sleep comfortably. I took my time in the restroom after getting home and I just wanted to wash everything away. I don't know if I wanted to wash the dirt off me or the feeling when Chris touched my body that left me this feeling that I wanted to wash everything away.

“How are you feeling?” Elliot asked me as I stepped out of the restroom.

“Tired. I have a headache and I feel sore.” I told him as I pulled the covers over me laying down on my bed and turned to face him. “And you?”

“I’m fine. You shouldn’t worry about me. I’m just glad that he didn’t hurt you more than he already did.” he said as he lay down beside me and reached out to pull me closer to him. “Why did you even follow him?”

“I was scared. I remembered how he hurt Caesar when he tried to be involved and he had his friend who is also violent so I didn’t want them to do something if I didn’t go.” I tell him. “I didn’t want anyone else to get hurt because of me.”

“Luis and the others would have protected you if you had said that you didn’t want to go.” He tells me as he brushes his fingers over the top of my head. “Luis had Jennifer call the police right away when he watched you leave and tried to follow you from a distance because it thought something was wrong. It could have been worse if it weren’t for him.”

I listened to him as I reached a hand up to clutch his shirt feeling close to tears. “I’m sorry. I was scared. I knew it was wrong of me to go, but I felt like I didn’t have a choice as long as no one else was hurt.”

“It’s fine that you were concerned about everyone else, but you also need to think about your own safety and what else that could have happened to you.” He said as he wrapped his arm around me. “I’m just glad that you're safe now.”

“What’s going to happen to him?”

“Well, he could be held overnight or wait to be picked up by his parents since he’s not eighteen yet. With us filing a report against him, there could be a chance that he can be locked up for a year at most.” Elliot tells me and sighed heavily. “It can be more if you tell them about him taking advantage of you, but that’s up to you if you want to file a claim and they can give you compensation if you ask the judge. You have proof from your suicide attempt to the assault he did on Caesar if he speaks up and anything else that you can share.”

I listened to him before pushing away from his hold, slowly sitting up, “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“I think you should.” He said as he watched me. “Don’t let him get away with all this again. What if he ends up hurting someone else? Or what if he already has?”

I looked away as I thought about Chris hurting someone else, “I just don’t know…” I mumbled.

“It’s a suggestion, Michael, but I would want you to consider it and you can finally do something about all the things he did to you. The scars that he left you.” He said as he reached out to grab my hand and held it gently.

I thought about it before pulling my hand away and moved to lay down closing my eyes. “I’ll think about it,” I whispered.

Maybe because the conversation was overwhelming for me I wanted to be left alone until I fell asleep, but sleep reminded me why I wanted Elliot to spend the night and it was a long night after I kept waking up as I dreamt everything that happened repeatedly. I would wake up having a panic attack that Elliot had to calm me and it was a restless night for me, but with my body being exhausted I didn’t wake up until noon. I wasn’t in the mood to leave my room after my mom checked in on me once I woke up and checked to see if I was hungry enough to come out of my room while Elliot could only stay until evening.

“You’ll be okay?” he asked as I walked him to the front door.

“Yeah,” I answered, holding his hand. “I just don’t know how well I’ll be able to sleep tonight.”

“Your mom said that you’ll be seeing Dr. Brown tomorrow,” he reminds me.

“Yeah,” I answered again.

“Michael.”

I looked at him and he gave me a soft smile.

“You’re okay.”

“I’m not. I just can’t stop remembering how I felt and I just end up imagining him grabbing me again like he used to haunt me in the past.” I tell him, trembling a little.

Elliot let go of my hand to hug me, “Come on, no more crying.” he whispers. “Please, let him get out of your head. He’ll never bother you now or ever again.”

I tried to take a deep breath calming myself and rest my head on his shoulders. “Why do I always mess things up…”

“That’s not what you're supposed to say,” Elliot said as he hugged me tighter. “You have to say: I’m safe and alive; I can finally let everything go that’s been holding me back; I can just be free of the monster that won’t get me anymore.”

I listened and nodded as I’m taking his words in.

“You really are going to be fine.” he continues to tell me. “You say you're not, but you are a strong person.”

I didn’t have any words to say as I held on to him and now I don’t want him to go home.

We stayed like this for a while longer until he had to let go of me as he brushed my cheeks kissing me and I don’t know how he always does this. Always being able to calm me with his words; with his actions; with him just being there. I don’t deserve this. I looked at him as he takes a step back because if he doesn’t go now then maybe I’ll have him come back inside and stay the night again. This was why I’m always worried that he’ll leave me because if people see how loving he can be then they will try to take him away and I don’t want to let him go.

“When you go to bed, don’t think about him,” he tells me. “Or ever again.”

I smiled as I watched him, “I won’t.”

“Just think about… those blue tuxedos that we’re going to wear together,” he says, taking a few steps back as he tries to leave.

I chuckled, nodding my head. “I will.”