Chapter 25

By morning, I woke up to my phone almost dying because I forgot to charge it while listening to music and I must have been tired after being out all day with my parents. I laid in bed a little longer, almost falling back to sleep, before reaching out for my notebook writing on it hoping it'll wake me up while I catch up to what I didn’t put in from yesterday. I yawned as I finished then stepped out of my room going to the kitchen and poured myself a drink before going to sit in the living room turning on the television. It took almost an hour for my mom to step out of her room and she made herself oatmeal before going to sit beside me trying to see what I was watching.

“Have you had breakfast and took your medicine?”

“No.” I answered.

“Is that supposed to be your breakfast?” she asked. “Do you want me to make you something?”

I looked down at my half-empty cup and shrugged my shoulders, “I’m not hungry right now.”

“You should have something more filling,” she tells me.

I sighed, “Mom, I’m not hungry. Please don’t make it a big deal just because I don’t want to eat breakfast and I’ll take my medicine in a bit.”

“I was only saying…” she said as she saw my reaction before nodding. “Alright, but when you are hungry let me know and I'll make you something.”

“I will later,” I said getting up, going to the kitchen to put my cup in the sink then started making my way to my room. “I’m going to do some homework. Let me know what time dad wants to come over.”

“Alright,” she answered.

I closed the door behind me then went over to my bed sitting down as I tried to understand why I'm feeling a little annoyed and I wondered if it could be the medicine since it says some side effects can be either loss of appetite or agitation. I looked down at my bracelet on my wrist playing with the leather straps before moving to lay down closing my eyes and hope that taking some deep breath can help me a little. Maybe I wasn’t fully awake just yet which put me in a grumpy mood or I'm just not going to be in the proper mood today. Taking small breaths, I reached for my blanket to cover myself hoping that a little nap can help me and I wasn’t sure how long I slept until I heard knockings at my door. I looked around for my phone, it was past twelve, then saw the door open as my mom stepped in.

“Honey, you haven’t come out of your room for a while now,” she said, looking over at me.

“Sorry, I fell asleep.” I said, rubbing my face trying to wake up. “Did dad call?”

“Not that he called, but he messaged me to say that he won’t be able to make it,” she said as she walked in to place my pills on the nightstand beside me and a cup of water. “Don’t forget your medicine. Do you want me to make you something?”

I reached out to grab my pills to take them before turning back to her, “I’m still not hungry.”

“Michael, you haven't had breakfast and it's already the afternoon. At least let me make you a sandwich or something small,” she tells me as I move to lay down again. “You can’t go back to sleep.”

“Okay,” I sighed as I slowly sat up and turned to her. “Fine. I’ll have a sandwich or maybe soup.”

She didn’t say anything for a second before nodding her head and stepped out of the room.

I moved to put my face on my pillow, staying there for a second before moving to get out of my room. “Mom, I’m sorry,” I said, seeing her in the kitchen. “I guess I’m a little tired today.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” she said as she handed me the plate and I moved to sit at the dining table.

I ate quietly until I was done and turned to her. “So, Dad isn’t coming then?”

“No. Seems like something came up and he couldn’t make it,” she answered as she looked at me then gave me a small smile. “Do you still want to do something?”

I shook my head, “No. It’s okay and I’m honestly not surprised that he couldn’t make it.”

“But, still, he has to come to see you when he is supposed to. That’s the arrangement that we agreed on.” she commented.

“But I blew him off last weekend so this is fair if he couldn’t make it,” I said as I got up to put the plate in the sink.

My mom looked a little confused for a second, “No, just because you didn’t go for one weekend doesn’t mean that he can do the same to you. As a parent, we have to be responsible and see our own child no matter what.”

“You don’t have the right to be saying that, Mom. It’s not like you were there when I was young.” I said, standing by the table then quickly shut my mouth after realizing the words that slipped out of my mouth and quickly regret saying it. “Um, I’ll be in my room.”

I didn’t get the chance to hear if she said something and I hoped that my words didn’t hurt her, but it felt embarrassing trying to go back to her after stepping away. I went to my bed to lay down feeling a little angry at myself and I knew I shouldn’t have said something like that considering that it was the truth, but I’ve already told her that I forgive her. Maybe in words I did, but maybe somewhere inside me had meant it considering she did leave me at a young age, but the words that came out of my mouth were not meant to hurt her. I covered my face with my pillow again as I lay there quietly trying to calm down then I reached for my phone and dialed Elliot, but it only went to voicemail. I sighed as I looked down at my phone going through my contact list before making another call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Luis,” I said, nervously.

“Michael, everything okay?”

“Well, yes and no,” I answered, sitting up a bit. “Mind if we talk for a bit? Unless you’re busy then I’ll just see you at school tomorrow.”

“No, I’m free. I’m just a little surprised that you called me,” he tells me. “Is everything okay? You don’t sound so good.”

“I’m not sure… I’ve just been a little… I guess antsy since I woke up.” I said as I looked at the door for a second then turned away as I started biting my thumb. “I don’t know if it's just my mood, but I said something that might have hurt my mom and that's not really me, you know? I’m just confused right now.”

“I’m sure she knows that you didn’t mean it,” he said.

"I just don't get why I'm in this mood…”

“Don't beat yourself up for something that you didn’t mean to say and talk to her again when you feel ready.” He suggested. “Do you want me to come over?”

I lay down, curling up. “No, it’s okay. I might just read or something to help clear my mind before I talk to her.” I tell him. “Thank you for saying all that.”

“Alright. You’ll be okay?”

“Yeah, if not then I’ll call you right back.” I promised.

“Alright. Text me if you need more help and I’ll see you tomorrow, Michael.”

“Bye, Luis.” I said before hanging up and setting my phone to the side.

I spent the rest of my dad actually doing a bit of extra credit work for my history class and just letting myself be distracted with that hoping to clear my thoughts like Luis' advice. I looked at the workbook that I had bought when I went to the bookstore for the first time with Elliot and decided to look over the pages. There were a few good tips that I was curious about on certain chapters when I received a text notification from Elliot saying he went out with his parents and will call me back later. I put my phone down as I got up deciding to check on my mom hoping that she’ll accept my apology and my words didn’t hurt her.

“Mom…”

She was washing the dishes and turned, surprised. “Michael, you scared me. I didn’t hear you.”

“Sorry… And I’m sorry about earlier. I don’t know why I said that.” I began to say as I pulled out a chair to sit. “I didn’t mean anything by it and also about my attitude. I guess I'm just not in the proper mood today and said something that I didn’t mean.”

She came over wrapping her arms around me. “It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize. I know that you didn’t mean it and I’m not going to be mad over it. You were right to say that because I wasn’t there when you were young and I couldn’t help you, but your dad can’t do the same thing as I did.”

“I think I’m okay with it now. If dad doesn’t want to see me as often later on or if I don’t want to talk to him then I’m not going to push it.” I said and hugged her back. “I don’t think I ever had a good relationship with him to begin with.”

“Well, your dad has always been a difficult man,” she mumbled then sighed as she held me tighter. “I’m cooking dinner. Will you eat with me?”

I gave her a soft smile and nod, “Yeah.”

“Good. Now, wash the rest of the dishes while I finish cooking.” She said as she let go of me and walked over to the stove.

I smiled, getting up to finish washing the dishes as she said while I tried to keep this good mood that I'm finally in and Dad never messaged me the rest of the day; I wasn’t going to wait for his excuse. Maybe mom was right, when I’m eighteen I might not be in contact with him as often if our relationship continues like this and I won’t have to bother with the shared custody. I thought about this for a while then set the thoughts aside as I just tried to start a conversation with my mom hoping to make up for my behavior. By the time I went to bed, Elliot finally called back and I told him about all that was going on in my day while reassuring him that I was better. Elliot came by to pick me up in the morning and we went out for breakfast like promised. For a second we debated about where to go until he agreed to stop to eat inside a restaurant and we were sitting in a booth waiting to order.

“What are you getting?” I asked him since he wasn’t interested in pancakes.

“They have omelets…” He mumbled, continuing to look at the menu before turning to me. “And you?”

“Strawberry and banana pancakes,” I answered, excitedly.

He chuckled, “You're way too happy over pancakes.”

“Hey, let me be,” I said, giving him a stern look. “Now decide what to eat.”

He laughed as the waitress walked over to us and Elliot put in our order while he looked over the menu deciding on what he would eat. While having our breakfast, we exchanged our events over the weekend and he told me how his parents wanted to spend more time with him before his graduation. I thought about this and I wonder if this was also because he recently came out to his parents about his orientation. He tells me that by next week he should start receiving letters from the colleges he applied to; there’s two that are local and two that are about three hours away. I knew that whichever he decides on, I wouldn’t think so much of it since he wants to go to college to focus on his career while I wanted to keep working on myself.

I thought about what my mom told me, how I should see my friends more before he leaves and maybe she was right. I should also be around other people and get out of my comfort from always hanging out with Elliot or being at home hiding away. Another problem, David returned to school and he tried approaching me a few times only to be saved by either Elliot; which he promised that he wouldn't fight again. Fernando also helped me out a few times during gym. With his attention on me, I felt anxious until I realized how lucky I am that my friends wouldn’t leave me alone when he’s nearby and Karen told the teacher during class when it became uncomfortable. Friday arrived and I was walking out of the school with Brian and Fernando as we talked about our plans for the bonfire at the beach.

“Hey, we’re actually going to buy some things right now like wood and some drinks for tomorrow. You want to come with us?” Brian asked.

I was surprised by the invitation, but I'm on my way to my appointment with Dr. Brown. “I can’t…”

“You sure? Fernando can drop you off when we’re done.”

“Are you going to catch your boyfriend's game since he’s playing at another school?” Fernando asked as he shrugged his shoulder against mine.

I smiled, “No. I just have another place to be.” I answered as I slowly started walking away from them. “But get me some gummy bears”

“Alright, bye.” Brian said as we dispersed.

After arriving for my therapy session, it now felt easier to talk to Dr. Brown and having to feel open with her to share about my life, but I was a little shy to bring up David’s bullying. I was at least happy to say that my friends have been there for me during the whole situation and that they even reached out to a teacher which was something that no one student has ever done for me. Dr. Brown listened as I talked about my worry for the bonfire for tomorrow and we did more exercises to help with my anxiety. Afterwards, when I arrived home Elliot was outside waiting for me and we sat outside after grabbing some chairs showing me an envelope in his hand.

“I thought you were supposed to get the letters next week?” I asked as he handed it to me and felt how heavy it felt. “This is definitely an acceptance letter.”

“Well, we won’t know until you open it.”

“Why don’t you?” I asked as I tried to hand it back to him.

“I’m too nervous.”

“So am I,” I said, looking at the envelope. “Is this one of the colleges that you want to go to?”

“One of the three.” He answered as he looked at me. “This is one of the colleges that’s about two hours away.”

“Oh.”

“I know.”

I looked back at him before I slowly started opening the letter and began to read it outloud before turning to him, smiling. “Congratulations.”

He reached out to take the letter and read through it before giving me a hug. “I can’t believe it.”

I smiled seeing his excitement as I hugged him back. “I’m really proud of you.”

He looked at the letter once more before turning back to me, “I’m not going to decide with just this letter. I still have to see about the other colleges.”

I nod, “I know.”

He kissed me softly as I reached out to hold his hand. “So we’re also going to celebrate tomorrow?”

“No, we can tell them but I think we should celebrate until I decide which college I’ll be going to,” he said resting his head on my shoulder.

“Alright. So, how was the game?”

“Good. We won, barely.” he answered. “We could have lost by two points and after our last match next week the team wants to go out.”

“That would be fun.”

“Do you want to come?” He asks, curiously.

I thought about this, “I don’t know.”

“I can finally introduce you as my boyfriend,” he said as if that’ll convince me.

“Then that’s a no.”

“Aw, please?”

I pressed my lips together, “Maybe. Let me think about it.”

“Okay,” he said. “So, what time am I going to pick you up tomorrow?”

“Well, Fernando is going around three to make sure we have a spot for the fire pit. Do you want to stop by the market or do you think we won't need anything?” I asked. “Brian and Fernando went to the market after school today, but I don’t know what they bought.”

“Yeah, we can go and grab snacks for ourselves,” he said as he started getting up. “I should head home now. My parents are probably waiting for me. I have to show them the letter.”

“Okay,” I said standing up.

He reached out to hug me, “Good night.”

“Good night,” I said as I watched him leave before going inside.

Throughout the night I thought about Elliot's acceptance letter and I wondered how it would be if we were apart, but after seeing his expression I knew that I would be happy at the college he chooses to go to. He would also have to deal with my decision as well when I graduate next year and that will be something that we have to work out with; if we are still dating. I closed my eyes hoping that these negative thoughts would go away so I can sleep and just thought about things that are going on now. I’ve had so many challenges and changes in my life recently that Chris hasn't come to my mind for a while or the memories that we’ve had together couldn’t be compared to how they are with Elliot.

Maybe Elliot and I might not last after a year or so, but at least I’ve been reassured that there are people out there that can be better or can have a healthier relationship compared to how it was with him. Elliot arrived to pick me up in the morning and we were heading over to the nearby market when we had to stop to pick up Luis since he couldn’t get a ride. I went over to look at the drinks as we were all trying to agree on snacks that we could share with the rest of the group and what type of drinks to take because we each wanted different types of items. It took us almost ten minutes to finally decide and by the time we left it was already past three that everyone had already made their way to the beach.

Luis and I had to call someone to figure out where to meet or where the firepit is at when we came across Brian. He was with the girls standing around the round pit as they were putting the wood inside and Fernando met up soon after as he had to grab something from his car. I looked over to see that we were quite near the pier and there was a large crowd walking around the area. I moved to sit on the blanket that we laid out and watched as Elliot helped light the pit because the wind was a little strong that it couldn’t stay lit. I saw Jennifer with her friends already preparing themself to go to the water and were trying to have me tag along with them.

“No, I’m okay here,” I said shaking off their invitation.

“Oh, come on, it’ll be hot sitting under the sun,” Alex tells me.

“Maybe I’ll join you later,” I said, giving them a reassuring smile until they agreed to leave me behind.

“Are you sure?” Elliot asked as he moved to sit beside me wiping his hands over his shorts.

“Yeah, I wasn’t planning to go swimming anyways.” I answered him.

“Really? How come?” Luis asked as he looked through the bags of food that we brought.

“Just. I didn’t want to get wet.”

“Well, we did come for a bonfire so just relax and enjoy it,” Brian said as he went over beside Luis to look through their own things before tossing a bag to me.

I caught it and looked at it before smiling, “Thanks.” I said as I opened the bag of gummies that I asked for.

“You could have told me you wanted some when we went to the market,” Elliot said as he saw my glee.

I handed him one as I chuckled. “Don’t be jealous. He asked if I wanted anything but I didn’t think he was going to buy it.”

“Don’t say it like that. I’m not a bad guy that I won’t get something if I offered.” Brian said as he had a long twig poking at the fire.

“Sorry. No, I’m just… Thank you.” I stuttered.

Fernando laughs, “Okay, I’m out.” he said as he pulled off his shirts and started walking to ocean shore where the girls were swimming.

“You should go,” Elliot tells Luis.

“For what?” He asked.

I ate a gummy as I lean back against Elliot trying to feel comfortable and I can feel the sun over my head. “Don’t be blind. Go out there with the girl you like… In the dangerous sea.” I hinted as I raised my hand to cover the sun from hitting my face.

“If you don’t go then I’ll go,” Brian said as he started walking to follow after Fernando.

Luis didn’t say anything until he sighed and got up as he kicked off his shoes. “You guys are stupid,” he mumbles.

I smiled as I watched him leave and looked back over my shoulders at Elliot. “You don’t want to go?”

“Not unless you're coming with me.”

I ate another gummy and shook my head, “Fat chance.”

He chuckled as he wrapped his arms around me and reached to grab some of my candy. “Come on, you better share.”

I laughed as I playfully pulled away for a second before letting him get another. “Hey, when should I get my tux for prom? Isn’t it coming up already?”

“Yeah… Actually I need to buy one too,” he said as he ate the candy then turned to him. “Should we have matching colors?”

“Wasn’t that the plan?” I asked as I closed my eyes feeling the warm sun.

“Well, for a second I thought it would just be plain black and white,” he tells me. “I never thought about adding color.”

I sat up quickly to face him. “Let’s try blue!” I said excitedly as I imagined how our tuxedos would look.

Elliot looked a little taken aback before laughing, “When you say it like that.”

I blushed, embarrassed now. “Nevermind.”

“No, no, no. We’ll go together and try on some tuxedo to see the styles. I’ll make sure they have them in blue too.” he tells me as he reached out to pull me closer to him again.

“That was embarrassing,” I said as I tried to cover my face.

“It wasn’t. I’m glad that you’re excited,” he said as he reached out to pull my hand away from my face then leaned forward to kiss me.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as I kissed him back, almost forgetting that we are out in public, and maybe that didn’t matter for a second until he pulled away. It looked like he was blushing and I think my face might be red too or it could be from being under the sun. I moved to lay down again knowing that we should hold back and leaned my head over his shoulders feeling the cool breeze. The sound of the ocean was relaxing to hear that it felt like I could fall asleep when I suddenly felt water splashing on my face and I sat up wiping it off.

“Wake up,” Luis said as he was standing by me, drenched.

“You're getting water everywhere,” I said reaching for a towel.

“Sorry,” he said as he went to sit by the fire and Jennifer came back to grab a drink. “It’s actually great weather to be out here today.”

“Hey, with summer coming up, we should try and do this more often or come over to my place since I have a pool,” Fernando said running his hands over his wet hair as he grabs a towel.

“We brought things to make sandwiches. I can make some for you guys if you're hungry.” I offered.

“I want some!” I hear Alex yell as she walks over and a few others nodded their heads.

“I’ll help you,” Elliot said as he sat up and started taking things out of the bad.

We all grouped together as we started making lunch while Brian hands everyone drinks like it's a picnic and we spent the rest of the time hanging around the pit. We discussed plans for the summer that they all would like to do and it was interesting to hear because I never did much during the summer besides staying home. Thinking that I could be included with these plans was a little exciting and they said there is a firework show at the pier so everyone wants to go together to see as a group. I wondered if Elliot will have time to join us or it could be good for me to go out with friends since it’s something I never had the chance to do before; taking my mom’s advice.

As the sun was setting, Elliot left with Fernando to grab jackets from the car because a few of us were getting cold from the ocean water and the fire wasn't keeping all of us warm. It has gotten quiet around us now as I can see the pier lit up with crowds of people walking around like ants and I moved by the fire poking at the pile of wood burning when I noticed a group of two men walking over towards us. For a second I thought it was Elliot and Fernando coming back when my hand slowly started to grip on the stick noticing that it wasn’t them and I glanced around trying to find Elliot. He should have returned by now and the person walking towards us started calling my name as he was getting closer.

Everyone started turning their heads confused as a stranger they never met was calling me and began to ask if I knew him, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk. Luis was barely walking back with Jennifer after they stepped away to buy ice cream and I couldn’t focus on them as I slowly put the stick down. I slowly started feeling my heart pounding against my chest as I stood up and took a step back.

“Michael, I found you,” Chris said as he reached us.