Chapter 74 - The Final Slap - mduno
I hadn't stopped crying since I woke up. I had never felt so rejected, so humiliated, so insignificant. Juan kept looking at me whenever he could. I couldn't stop crying and crying; it was all over, I sensed it in his last sentence. He was so shameless to be offended when he saw me leaving with Juan.
"Can I know where I'm taking you?"
He always kept tissues in the glove compartment. I took one out to wipe my nose.
"I need to pick up my passport and then my things from Raúl's apartment," I said through sobs.
"Okay, where to?"
"Wherever is easiest for you: the consulate, Quinta Paredes, then the bus terminal."
I remembered the afternoon before the presentation at Roland's birthday, the nerves we had. If I had known what would happen... "I'm not a fortune teller," an inner voice responded, and all I could do was cry and cry harder.
"Alright," Juan felt helpless.
"Sorry for making you my chauffeur."
"No problem. Can I know what happened? He made it very clear that I shouldn't get close to you."
"Maybe, but he didn't tell your sister Beatriz," I replied.
"She's not here. What's that got to do with..."
I looked at him; he knew I wasn't a woman who lied.
"Don't be so sure about that... It doesn't matter anymore."
He stayed silent, his knuckles white as he gripped the steering wheel. The consulate was our first stop. The ride was completely silent. We parked the car and he accompanied me to get the passport. He just walked beside me, giving me a smile now and then. I stood in line to collect the document, and when I received it... The photo... Damn it!
"My hair's a mess."
Juan took the document and burst out laughing. Honestly, that document would be the joke of anyone who saw it.
"You don't look that bad, your face is still pretty."
"Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, horrible! Don't try to console me." I slapped his arm. "Raúl would have told me my hair was messy. Beautiful, what a shame when I show this."
I exclaimed, and Juan kept laughing as we walked back to his car.
"At least we've moved from silence to laughter. Want to grab a drink?"
"I just want to leave."
When we got to the neighborhood, I showed him where Raúl's house was. When we arrived, he was getting on his motorcycle. When he saw me, he turned it off, and I ran to take refuge in his arms.
"What did that son of a bitch do to you now?" was his greeting.
"Why did you leave me with him?" was all I could say.
"I thought you reconciled last night. I saw you kissing."
I looked at him; I didn't remember that. God, I don't remember much. I don't know when Roland arrived. I had that feeling of having done something, and with what he said this morning, I confirmed it.
"I'm here for my bag," I said.
"You shouldn't leave like this." He hugged me. Juan came over, shook Raúl's hand.
"Thanks for bringing her."
"Don't worry, Vero, I'll take you where you said, or I'll leave."
"Wait for me. I don't want to be here anymore."
"Your dad..." I looked at Raúl.
"I need to leave. Put some distance, hide again. Take refuge in the only safe thing I have, which is my family."
"You haven't done anything you should regret."
Seeing pity in Juan's eyes was confirmation that I should leave. My head started sending me flashes of the night. I begged him to kiss me. And this morning, when I caressed his face, his words burned my soul. Why couldn't I fill myself with hatred and act impulsively without caring about the consequences? I can't be like that; I need to heal first. I also heard what Raúl and Juan were saying as I left the apartment.
"Watch your words, she's my sister."
"She's a shameless slut!" replied Flaco.
"He accepted it; he must not love her that much."
"I'm not going to argue that with you. You have no idea about Roland's feelings."
I reached them. Raúl lowered his head; my eyes screamed for an explanation, which never came. Why was he defending him?
"We'll talk later, Flaco." We hugged.
"I'll take you." I shook my head. He insisted, and I didn't change my mind.
"No, thanks. Instead, see what day you can visit me." We had agreed on that.
"After the trip to Panama, count on it."
"We leave in two weeks and will be on vacation for one." Flaco stroked my hair.
"I don't like seeing you like this, my Vero."
"I'll be fine." He was my second boyfriend; I left him for the same reason. "I think my fate is to be cheated on." Juan put his hands in his pockets.
"Then he'll regret it for the rest of his life."
I looked at my ex. A moment ago, I didn't give much importance to his comment. If I asked him now, it would give him hope. It was better not to say anything. The ride to the terminal was once again silent, after the teasing. He got out to accompany me.
"I want to make sure you get on the bus."
"You don't have to do that."
"I want to, Vero." He offered his hand, and I discreetly rejected it, standing beside him. "When..." I looked at him. "When we broke up, or well, when you broke up with me, you also took refuge, at your parents' house?"
"My family becomes my therapy to get out of the existential crisis."
"Are you going to forgive him?"
"Everyone deserves to be forgiven; it's just that he hasn't earned it, nor shown any signs of remorse." She looked at me.
"If I had done it..."
"I would have given you a second chance." Juan stopped, and I stopped too.
"It's impossible to come back to you, one feels terrible, mediocre, and unworthy. You are not like other women."
"I am still like all other women; everyone deserves a second chance, as long as they show their remorse. However, I can't overlook the fact that he flaunts another woman in my face."
"There will never be a better woman." He approached, caressed my face. "Tell me, I've been regretting my mistake for years."
"It doesn't matter anymore." I stepped away.
"Vero..." In his gaze, I saw longing, a glimmer of hope, and I can't toy with him.
"I'm sorry, Juan, I can't offer you more than friendship. He took the first place in my heart, and now I belong to him, even if he doesn't want me by his side. Time heals everything. I suppose there will be something for me, and I will think differently in the future, but at this moment in life, my vision of the future, Roland occupies my destiny."
"Don't talk like that, life has many twists and turns, maybe..."
"Maybe."
"Despite what you're going through, I feel you are calm." We resumed walking, reaching the ticket line.
"Because he's alive, far from me, but alive, and that gives me hope that one day I will find him again."
"Are you telling me that if Roland dies, you die too?"
I didn't answer. But that's how it was; I feel a different connection with him. Juan was the one who bought the ticket to La Dorada.
"I was very happy to see you," I said. He pulled me in for a hug and kissed my forehead.
"Can I get close to you?" For a second, I stayed silent.
"Juan, you can, if you don't intend to replace him."
"You've taught me that hope is the last thing to lose." I smiled a little.
"Thank you for bringing me."
"It was a pleasure."
We said goodbye, and I passed to the other side of the glass to head to the bus that was waiting for me. Dad will realize that something happened. Once again, Veronica. Hide your feelings and cry in solitude. I sent a message to my brother telling him.
"I'm on the bus back home."
I looked out the window, and my whole life with Roland flashed by in a second; the day I met him, the way he conquered me, the days in Santa Marta, our courtship. Everything, every kiss, I relived, every caress, every word, I feel it pulling me away, and his eyes scream stay. It's a don't go, other times... they pierce me with indifference.
An old woman handed me a handkerchief; she had sat next to me and with a warm smile apologized for the intrusion.
"I don't know what might be happening to you, dear, but believe me, with my years of experience, crying for love, if it's true love, it will be reciprocated."
"My case is very different, believe me."
"Love is the same and operates the same way." The old woman gave me a sense of peace.
"And if you've been humiliated, if he made you feel so insignificant..."
"I would need to know your whole story to determine if the young man you're crying for, being such a lovely young woman, is guilty or not."
"Are you a lawyer?" She made me smile again with her expression.
"I was in my time." I laughed.
"I'll omit names and places," I replied.
"This is getting more interesting. I imagined I would spend the next five hours sleeping, never in an interesting case."
I smiled again; the gestures on her face were comical. She spoke with every expression on her wrinkled and fragile face. I sighed.
"I met him by accident, unintentionally through my best friend. She was an escort." The old woman raised one of her eyebrows.
"You look like anything but a woman with those adventures." I smiled even more.
"No, no, no. Let me clarify, I am still a virgin. I should have started with that part because my story is surrounded by human depravity."
"Go on, I knew it, I still have that gift of knowing people."
"My friend had never taken me to her meetings; I was her untouchable little sister... That day, to try to make up for a painful mistake, and they had informed her it was an interview, that's why she took me, we wouldn't take long. However, things didn't go that way."
"Life's moments always happen as the Creator wants, as they should happen, not a word more, not a gesture more. Exactly how it is written they will happen." I stopped to think about that; the old woman was right.
"Out of nowhere, a party formed, and for one reason or another, I had to lock myself in the only available room. I waited there until whatever was happening passed, when human beings don't understand the importance of their bodies."
"Wise and interesting words."
"Thank you." The bus started, and I couldn't avoid a pang of pain, I was moving away from him.
"Continue. I sense that your story not only involves love but transformation..."