Chapter 4 - IS IT A DREAM?

“Wait... don't tell me that...”

I fall silent, as there is no way I will ever say out loud what happened today.

“That bastard!” My friend's angry shout startles me and makes me quickly pull the pillow away from my face. She goes from silent to screaming out of nowhere, though I shouldn't be surprised because she's always unpredictable, "How that fucker can even think of rejecting you, you're the best thing that could happen to him! Oh, but he's going to pay for it if he thinks he's going to get away with it without any consequences, he's going to listen to me right now!" By this I mean unpredictable.

My friend looks like she's fuming out of her ears and I wonder if she's finally lost her mind. "What's more, I'm going to destroy his social life. If he thinks he'll be able to keep walking around without everyone laughing in his face when they see him, he's sorely mistaken. I still have many of his embarrassing pictures from when he was a baby, and I know he'll die of embarrassment if anyone sees them," Kira keeps talking non-stop and I just keep watching her and trying to understand everything she's saying, “How could she do that!”

It dawns on me that my friend thinks I was rejected. I wish it was just that, but I couldn't even confess properly - surely now Kaiden thinks I'm a complete weirdo! The only chance I might have had with him is gone.

Kira's unkind words against Kaiden still echo in my internal struggle. I should set the record straight before he starts with his destructive plans. “Kira...!” But my friend ignores me and instead keeps pacing back and forth, trying to scheme a perfect plan while biting her right thumbnail. “Kira!”

Finally, I grab her by the shoulders and shake her gently. “Kira, it's not what you think!”

She stops dead in her tracks and looks at me, still furious but now also confused. “What do you mean, he didn't reject you?”

Kira looks at me waiting for an answer but I can't find how to start explaining.

“What's wrong, Yini?” Kira finally answers, as if I haven't been trying to get her attention for a while now.

I grab her shoulders and make her sit on the bed, “Kaiden didn't reject me,” My friend's eyes sparkle with genuine happiness. Oh no, here we go again, she's imagining the wrong things, “He didn't accept my confession either.”

“I don't understand,” Kira says as she tilts her head in confusion, “Did you not propose?”

I let out a resigned sigh before I start telling everything that happened, I just hope her screams don't upset the whole neighborhood.

“WHAT?!” Clearly, my expectations fall by the wayside, as Kira screams at the top of her lungs as she gets out of bed. And boy does she have some pretty good lungs bursting with health. I can hear all the dogs in the neighborhood start barking.

“Kira, keep your voice down,” I say as I grab her shoulders again, trying to calm her down.

"I'm going to make some tea before we go. That will help you relax. And don't worry, we'll think of something,” Kira says seriously before heading towards the door.

Relax? she's the one who was yelling just a few seconds ago!

“Before we leave? What are you talking about? Besides I don't want tea,” Kira loves tea but it's not the best time for tea, “Everything was a disaster, Kira. I said I loved your apartment... and then I kissed the wall to prove it, why would I want to go again?” I say, covering my face with my hands as I remember the humiliation, “Kaiden probably thinks I'm crazy.”

Kira takes one of my hands, her expression softening. "Yini, sometimes things don't go as we hope, but that doesn't mean all is lost. Kaiden can't think you're crazy for such foolishness. Besides, we all make mistakes, and the best thing to do to overcome mistakes is to go back there and face them again."

“No, that would be a really bad idea!” Do I really want to go through another humiliation all in one day again?

“Shut up!” The neighbor's annoyed voice is heard again. Kira walks over to the bedroom window.

“Didn't you understand what we discussed in the morning? Don't make me come over there again!” Immediately, the voice is silenced. Kira turns to me, “You know what, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it! I'm going to take you over there and you're going to tell her everything you feel, even if I have to tie you to my brother so you don't run away."

“Wait, Kira, don't get desperate, next time...”

"How can I not despair, Yini, next time? You've spent a big part of your life in love with my brother and, instead of facing your fears, you end up hiding over and over again. You have to stop being so... so... so..."

“So cowardly? Useless? A good for nothing?”

"Wow, wow, don't exaggerate either. What I mean is..." Kira sighs resignedly. “I want you to be happy with the one you love,” Kira says in a worried voice.

“You're a great friend, you know that, right?”

"I know. Now get up from your bed before I drag you out again. This time I'll be the one to drive and make sure you don't come back here without having told my brother everything you feel," Kira's voice is firm but playful, with a knowing smile on her face. I know everything she says is completely true and I'm glad to have her as a friend instead of against me.

When my feet stop in front of the apartment door, with the number 554 in front of me, I knock on the door before I regret it. I have to, it's better to face him, but as the door starts to open, I realize I have no idea where to start. What exactly do I say to him, I can't just yell at him that I love him or can I?

“Yini, what are you doing here?” Kaiden's voice sounds sleepy. I notice he has on nothing but pajama pants and the muscles of his abdomen are on full display. My eyes travel to every exposed part of his skin as slowly as possible, as if my mind wants to store every memory with utmost care and detail. Every muscle in his arms as he fixes his hair is visible and framed by the artificial light in the hallway. I feel myself melting.

I can't keep getting distracted. I notice Kaiden's face, which seems to be waking up from its sleepy daze, and I have to take quick action. My body starts moving long before I can think about it and I push him into the apartment. My arms wrap around his neck pulling him to me, and my body lunges at him until there is no space between us. Though I stand on tiptoe to reach his full height, Kaiden's strong hands wrap around my waist trying to steady me and not fall from the momentum of the movement. My lips touch his until they merge into one. At first, neither moves, but little by little instinct takes over.

The kiss is soft and gentle, as if we don't want to ruin the moment, as if we're checking that it's really happening and not wanting to venture too far. While all this is happening, my mind is blank. There's no panic or feeling of wanting to run away, it's just me and him enjoying the moment. Our lips part slightly and our tongues touch tentatively until we can't control them. We pull apart panting, trying to catch our breath.

My eyes open slowly just to check what I just did. I watch as Kaiden still keeps his eyes closed, as if trying to regain his composure.

"Is this a dream? If so, I never want to wake up,” Kaiden says. His voice sounds hoarse and cracked. I can't help that, just listening to it, an electricity circulates throughout my body.

“It's now, it's time,” my voice sounds just as choppy as his, and I can't help but be surprised, but this is no time to dwell on it, as I still have something much more important to give my full attention to.

"Don't say it, please, Yini. Don't do it, don't ruin the moment,” his voice sounds like a plea, but his words only confuse me. why is he acting like that?

My arms finally release him, and I pull away a little, trying to search for an answer in his gaze, for all this time they kept him in the same position where it all started, still with the apartment door open behind me.

“What do you mean by that?” my heart starts to clench, why do I feel like something is wrong?

“Just... let's leave things as they are now,” Kaiden opens his eyes slowly. There's a glint in them that I can't ignore, it's because of the kiss. His hand rests on my cheek gently, as if he doesn't want me to pull away, and he pulls me into his face, fading the space between us again. "It's much better this way. Just as friends."

I pull away from his touch, “I don't understand,” A nervous laugh escapes my lips. “You don't even know what I want to tell you,” Kaiden must be confused. There's no way he knows. I watch his face, expecting it to be one of his silly jokes, but instead I only find a pained expression. “Or do you know?”

My smile is immediately wiped away. Is it possible that Kaiden has always known?