Chapter 3 - A DISASTROUS DECLARATION
“I mean in the apartment...” I try to excuse myself as I gesture around me, moving my gaze around the space in a way that looks natural and not nervous. I fail to notice anything specific, though, so clearly I fail in my attempt to look calm. I am completely and utterly embarrassed.
“To the apartment? Do you love the apartment?” Kaiden's curious and incredulous look is not long in coming, and a half-smile forms on his lips. Seriously, I can't look him in the face, my embarrassment consumes me.
"Yeah, I... I love the apartment. It's... great." For some reason, my body reacts faster than I can actually process. I walk over to the nearest wall and plant a kiss on it, leaving a fully visible lipstick mark. Even I am shocked by what I just did. I don't want to turn around and find Kaiden looking at me like I'm deranged.
A completely raucous and unmeasured laugh is heard behind me, and my face becomes almost as intense as the color of my lipstick. I want to melt into the floor and get sucked into the carpet as long as I'm out of Kaiden's sight.
I force myself not to turn to look at him, or the first thing I'll do is run for the door and flee from here as fast as I can. I remain silent after my statement, unable to take my eyes off the kiss on the wall. Where can I buy that exact color of paint to cover my shame? Should I ask Kaiden? No kidding. I don't want to make my embarrassment any worse. I don't think I'll even be able to look him in the face or talk to him anymore.
I feel Kaiden's footsteps approaching. My pulse quickens. What is he doing? I don't want to turn around, but curiosity kills me. Before I can react, Kaiden's warm breath is felt on my neck, very close to my ear, “I love... this apartment too,” His whispery voice makes the hairs on my body stand on end, and an electric shiver runs through my entire body, starting from where his lips almost brush against my skin.
“Emm... I...” I start to say nervously, unable to articulate precise words when I feel his breath getting closer and closer to my neck. His hands rest on my waist in a delicate way, as if Kaiden is afraid of breaking me under his touch.
“Are you going to help me fix this mess?” Kaiden pulls me closer to his body and my back collides against his chest. I can't help but focus on all the sensations of his body close to mine; I feel something under his chest and closer to my ass.
His voice is whispery and his scent envelops me. I feel like I am losing the ability to control all my senses, “I must go,” I say at the edge of my sanity, on the verge of breaking. It doesn't take me a second to start running away, sprinting out of his apartment, leaving him behind. I'm sure I hear a laugh as I get on the elevator, followed by footsteps. I press the button several times and very quickly so that the doors close. When the footsteps are closer and I can almost see Kaiden, the doors close.
I lean my back against one of the elevator walls, still looking at the door as if it were about to open. I drop all my weight until I'm in a squatting position, hands on my head, weighing everything that just happened. I take a big breath of air that fills all my lungs, waiting for my heartbeat to stop pounding in my head. What just happened?
I arrive at my parents' house, defeated. It's a good thing they're in a crosswalk, because I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I know that if I walk through that door and my mother sees me, she will immediately question me about what happened, and I am in no condition to explain anything to anyone. When I am about to open the door, it opens quickly, as if they had been waiting for me. Indeed, they were waiting for me, because it is Kira who opens the door for me and she cannot hide her smile and her expectant look. I know she wants me to tell her everything that happened, but my mind doesn't feel ready for that.
“How did it go?” At my silence, Kira opts to ask about what happened herself. I'm almost crawling on the floor. Is it really necessary for me to explain? Can't she notice for herself that it was a total failure, again?
“You took longer than expected,” Kira keeps trying to draw out information. I may not have gotten home as quickly after fleeing the apartment, but that was because I was left having a panic attack inside the car in the parking lot of the building. I needed to calm down before I got going.
I don't want to look at her, or I'll vividly remember the embarrassment I just faced. I keep walking, climb the stairs to my room and throw myself on the bed, trying not to curl into a ball and bury myself in the sheets. Kira comes up behind me, not giving up.
“Kira, please, not now,” I murmur, voice muffled by the pillow. She sits on the edge of the bed, her hand resting gently on my shoulder.
“Well, did you propose?” My friend sits cross-legged next to me, staring at me, waiting for an answer. I know she's anxious to know what happened.
“Yes,” I just limit myself to answering that. I don't want to have to remember what I did.
“Really, you really did it? Oh, Yini, I'm so proud of you!” my friend grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me excitedly. Once she lets go of me, I continue to stare at the ceiling, as if that's the solution to all my problems.
“Yini?” My friend's voice still sounds extremely excited. With such excitement from Kira, I can do nothing but grab one of the pillows on the bed and put it on my face as I press it to muffle my cry of despair. I seriously want to be swallowed up by the earth.
“What's wrong, did something bad happen?” Kira pulls the pillow away from my face, forcing me to look at her.