Heated Moments

Frank walked towards her and grabbed her by the shoulders and yelled into her face. "Are you fucking insane? Who gave you the right to bury her without the consent of her lover? That woman was engaged to me!"

"Listen to yourself!" Eva said, wriggling free from his hold and pushing him violently away. "Listen to your stupid self! Where were you when the poor girl needed you? Your brainless, wicked and insentive twat, did you have any idea the amount of pain you caused her? Has it occurred to your warped, depraved mind that you're the sole cause of her depression and eventual death? Did you know she was raped? I know you did, you idiot! She told me you did know that she was raped and you did nothing, nothing! You told her to fuck off. Christ! In all my years on earth I've never seen anyone with a heart blacker than yours! You broke not just her heart but her soul when she needed you most and now she has died as a result and you're here to see her dead body? What a raving mad swine you are! And you even had the nerve to ask who buried her! What do you care, you mad fool! To think that you had the effrontery to touch my shoulders and yell into my face! Lay that devilish, leprous hands on me again and you'll forever live to regret it. Beast of a man!"

Shorn of strength, Frank staggered back and propped his back against the wall very close to entrance to Jenna's apartment. Well, yes, this had come faster than he had ever thought. He deserved the chastisement all right. The words stabbed him like a Persian blade, causing the guilt and sorrow to overflow inside him in a way that stopped his breath. Eva was right, absolutely right. He had no right to be here despite all he had done. He had no right to be angry at anyone but himself. He knew that Jenna would be still be alive now if he hadn't been so cruel to her. He knew she would still be alive, happy and smiling, healing from the trauma of rape, if only he had so much as held her in his arms and kissed away her tears. But he had not done any of that. He had sent her away in a manner that could shatter anyone who's in love. Frank knew he had no right to grab Eva shoulders like that, to raise questions about Jenna's death. Everything was his fault.

Eva was right, but, but, but, she was wrong. It wasn't him who did all that. Okay, it was him all right. But he had no control of himself then. Okay, okay, he had contol of himself to be honest, but there were many things absent in his life at that moment. Things like love—they were simply gone. It had been that way since he died and came back to life. But how would anyone understand? They would never understand! They would never understand that he was merely acting in a manner consistent with his new nature—the nature imposed on him by an unknown force responsible for his eternal existence. There was no way he could show compassion or sympathy or empathy or love or concern or kindness—all those noble emotions simply died when he died. And when he resurrected, they stayed dead; they didn't resurrect with him. How would Eva understand this? How could he make her understand this? In what way could he phrase or frame his words that would give people a clear picture of what really happened to him and why he did what he did? Would they believe him? Would they be convinced? Would that, by any chance, vindicate him? Or win him some sympathy? Would they not think he was mad? Hell, Eva just said he was saving mad! Just how could he explain to her, or anyone, that those old, great feelings were back now—sparked backed to life when he heard the news of Jenna's death? How would he explain this mighty mystery now? Would it make sense to any living human?

Frank knew there was no vindication for him. There would never be vindication. No one would believe him. And what if they did believe him, what would that change? Jenna was dead. Nothing could change now.

Frank removed his back from the wall and brought his handkerchief to his face again. The tears were pouring out copiously. At that moment, Eva, greatly moved by this strange spectacle of Frank weeping in obvious sorrow, turned away from his sharply, in a way that was meant to give the idea that she was disgusted by his crocodile tears, but in actual fact she turned away so Frank wouldn't see her own tears, which blinded her now.

"I'm sorry," Frank said, walking away. Eva tuned and saw that he was now facing the other direction and she used the opportunity to wipe her own tears with the back of her palm.

"You're going just like that?" Eva said in broken, halting words.

Frank stopped walking and turned around weakly. His face was the exact image of sorrow. "I wanted to ask to see her grave, but I know now that I have no right to make such a request."

"Oh," Eva said. She couldn't hold it in anymore. The tears poured forth from her eyes.

"Thank you," Frank said, "for making sure she was buried. I understand now that the nature of her death occasioned the hurried interment. I was a fool to get riled up by that."

"Oh," Eva gasped, profoundly moved.

"Thank you for being to Jenna the person I never was."

"Okay," Eva said, snuffling.

"If God exists, may He bless you."

"He exists."

"Okay," Frank said, "thank you again."

"Why are all these thanks for? You clearly did not love her anymore."

"I don't know where to start from, Eva. You won't understand, no matter how hard I try to explain to you. But know that I've never loved anyone the way I loved Jenna."

"And yet you chase her way? You let her die?"

More tears dropped from Frank's eyes. "You see? You won't understand. I normally wouldn't do a thing like that. I loved Jenna with every fibre of my body! I was a just a victim of circumstance. A circumstance no human being can fully comprehend."

There was a short silence, and then Eva said:

"Well, she's alive."

"What?" Frank said, unwilling to believe his ears.