Chapter 63 Can’t Escape
Maddie Pov
I was walking down the hallway between classes when I felt it. That familiar pull in my chest. That electric awareness that meant Calix was nearby.
I stopped walking and looked around. Students passed by on both sides of me heading to their next class. Nobody paid attention to me. But I could feel him. I knew he was close.
Then I saw him. He was at the other end of the hallway talking to another student. His back was to me. He hadn't seen me yet.
But my body knew he was there. My skin started tingling like electricity was running through it. My pulse raced. My breathing got faster. The mate bond pulled hard trying to drag me toward him.
"I hate this," I said quietly to Gory in my head. "I hate how much power he has over me without even trying."
"It's not power," Gory said gently. "It's the bond. It's natural. It's how mates are supposed to feel about each other."
"Well I hate it," I insisted. I forced myself to look away from Calix and keep walking. "I hate feeling like this. I hate that just seeing him makes my whole body react. I hate that I can't control it."
"You can't control a mate bond," Gory reminded me. "Nobody can. That's what makes it so powerful. That's what makes it sacred."
I walked past Calix without looking at him. I kept my eyes straight ahead. I pretended I didn't notice him even though every cell in my body was screaming at me to turn around. To go to him. To close the distance between us.
But I didn't. I wouldn't. I refused to let him have that power over me anymore.
Then I heard his voice behind me. "Maddie wait."
I stopped walking but I didn't turn around. I just stood there frozen in the middle of the hallway while students flowed around me like water around a rock.
"What do you want Calix?" I asked. My voice came out colder than I intended.
"I need to talk to you about practice," Calix said. He moved closer until he was standing right behind me. "About tomorrow's drills."
"Then talk," I said. I still didn't turn around. "I'm listening."
There was a long pause. I could feel him standing there. I could feel the bond pulling stronger now that we were so close. It hurt. It physically hurt to be this close without touching him.
"Never mind," Calix finally said. "It can wait until practice."
He walked away before I could respond. I heard his footsteps fade down the hallway. I felt the bond stretch as the distance between us grew.
I finally turned around but he was already gone. Disappeared into the crowd of students. Like he was never there at all.
"Why did you stop me?" I asked Gory. "Why did you call out to me if you weren't going to say anything important?"
"Maybe he wanted to say something but couldn't," Gory suggested. "Maybe he's struggling just as much as you are."
"I don't care," I said. But it was a lie. I did care. I cared too much. "He made his choice. He chose to push me away. He doesn't get to have moments of weakness now."
I continued walking to my next class. The tingling in my skin slowly faded. My pulse returned to normal. The bond settled back into its constant dull ache instead of the sharp pain of proximity.
But I couldn't focus during class. All I could think about was that moment in the hallway. The way my body had reacted to him. The way the bond had pulled. The way everything in me wanted to turn around and go to him despite everything he had done.
"I won't let him control me again," I said to Gory silently. "I won't let this bond make me weak."
"The bond isn't making you weak," Gory said. "It's making you honest. It's showing you what you really feel beneath all the hurt and anger."
"What I really feel is angry," I insisted. "Angry that he marked me. Angry that he bonded us together. Angry that he did all of that and then pushed me away like I meant nothing."
"You don't mean nothing to him," Gory said quietly. "You know that. You can feel it through the bond."
She was right. I could feel it. When Calix was close I could sense his emotions beneath all the walls he put up. I could feel the longing. The pain. The love he was trying so hard to deny.
But that didn't change anything. Feeling something and acting on it were two different things. He could love me all he wanted but if he wasn't willing to fight for us then what was the point?
The rest of the day passed slowly. Every time I turned a corner I tensed up expecting to see Calix. Every time I felt that pull in my chest I looked around searching for him. But I didn't see him again.
Maybe he was avoiding me on purpose. Maybe he felt the same struggle I did every time we got close. Maybe he was trying to make it easier on both of us by staying away.
Or maybe he just didn't care enough to seek me out. Maybe I was the only one suffering. Maybe the bond affected him less because he had already decided to reject it.
I went back to my dorm room after my last class and collapsed on my bed. I was exhausted. Not from physical activity but from emotional turmoil. From fighting the bond every second of every day.
"How long can we keep doing this?" I asked Gory.
"As long as we have to," Gory said. "Until things change. Until he changes. Until something breaks."
"What if nothing changes?" I asked. "What if this is just how things are now? What if I have to spend the rest of my life bonded to someone who won't acknowledge me?"
"Then we survive," Gory said simply. "Like we always do. We adapt. We endure. We keep going."
I closed my eyes and tried to rest. But all I could see was Calix standing in the hallway. All I could feel was that pull in my chest. All I could think about was how much easier everything would be if I could just stop loving him.
But I couldn't stop. The bond wouldn't let me stop. And that was the cruelest part of all.