Chapter 62 Nightmares Of Blood
Calix Pov
I was running through the forest at night. Trees blurred past me on both sides. The moon was full overhead and bathed everything in silver light. My wolf was in control and we were hunting something.
Then I saw her. Maddie was ahead of me running in her white wolf form. Her fur glowed like starlight. She was beautiful. She was perfect. She was mine.
"Maddie," I called out. But my voice came out as a growl. I was still in wolf form. I couldn't shift back. I couldn't stop running.
Maddie looked back at me over her shoulder. Her eyes were wide with fear. She was running from me. She was scared of me.
"No," I tried to say. "I won't hurt you. I would never hurt you."
But my wolf didn't listen. My wolf kept chasing. Kept hunting. Kept pursuing her through the dark forest.
Then suddenly the scene changed. We were no longer in the forest. We were in a clearing. Maddie was on the ground. There was blood everywhere. So much blood.
Her white fur was matted red. Her breathing was shallow and labored. She was dying. And I was standing over her with blood on my claws.
"What did you do?" someone was screaming. I looked up and saw my mother standing at the edge of the clearing. "What did you do to her?"
"I didn't mean to," I said. But even as I said it I knew it was a lie. The curse had taken over. The curse had made me kill her.
"You killed her," my brother said. He appeared next to my mother. His face was pale and his eyes were accusing. "Just like you killed us. Just like you kill everyone you love."
"No," I said. I dropped to my knees beside Maddie. "No no no. Please don't die. Please stay with me."
But Maddie's eyes were already closing. Her breathing was stopping. She was slipping away and there was nothing I could do to save her.
"This is your fault," my mother said. Her voice was cold and emotionless. "This is what happens when you let yourself love. This is what the curse does."
"I tried to stay away," I said. Tears were streaming down my face. "I tried to protect her. I tried to push her away."
"Not hard enough," my brother said. "You should have tried harder. You should have left her alone completely."
The clearing started getting darker. The blood started spreading. Maddie's body started dissolving beneath my hands. I tried to hold onto her but she was disappearing.
"Come back," I begged. "Please come back. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
But she was gone. And I was alone in the darkness with only the sound of my curse laughing.
I woke up gasping for air. My sheets were twisted around my body and soaked with sweat. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it might explode out of my chest.
Just a dream. It was just a dream. Maddie was alive. She was safe. She was somewhere on campus sleeping in her own bed.
But the images from the nightmare wouldn't leave my mind. The blood. The white fur matted red. Her eyes closing as she died in my arms. All of it felt too real. Too possible. Too much like the future I was trying to prevent.
I sat on the edge of my bed and put my head in my hands. My whole body was shaking. I couldn't catch my breath. I couldn't stop seeing her face as she died.
"It was just a nightmare," my wolf said quietly. But even he sounded shaken. Even he had felt the horror of what we dreamed.
"It felt real," I said out loud. "It felt like a vision. Like the curse showing me what will happen if I don't stay away from her."
"Or maybe it was just your fear," my wolf suggested. "Your guilt manifesting in your sleep."
"Either way the message is clear," I said. I stood up and walked to the window. The campus was dark and quiet outside. "I have to push her farther away. No contact. No hope. Nothing that could lead to that nightmare becoming reality."
"You're already pushing her away," my wolf said. "How much farther can you go?"
"As far as it takes," I said. "I'll be cruel if I have to. I'll make her hate me. I'll make sure she never looks at me with love in her eyes again. Because love is what triggers the curse. Love is what kills everyone."
"That's not how mate bonds work," my wolf argued. "You can't just turn off love. You can't just make the bond disappear."
"Then I'll suffer with it," I said. "I'll live with the bond pulling at me for the rest of my life. But at least Maddie will be alive. At least she'll have a future."
I looked at the clock on my nightstand. It was four in the morning. Practice didn't start for another two hours but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep again. Not after that nightmare. Not with those images still burned into my brain.
I got dressed in workout clothes and grabbed my phone. Then I left my dorm room quietly and headed toward the training field. Maybe if I exhausted myself physically I could quiet my mind. Maybe if I ran far enough I could outrun the guilt and fear eating me alive.
The campus was completely empty at this hour. Just me and the darkness and the weight of my choices pressing down on my shoulders.
I reached the training field and started running laps. My feet pounded against the track. My breathing fell into a steady rhythm. But I couldn't escape the thoughts chasing me.
What if the nightmare was right? What if pushing Maddie away wasn't enough? What if the curse found a way to hurt her anyway?
"You're spiraling," my wolf said. "You need to calm down."
"How can I calm down?" I demanded. "How can I be calm when every choice I make could end with her dead?"
"You're doing everything you can," my wolf said. "You're staying away. You're protecting her from a distance. You're making her hate you so the bond weakens. What more can you do?"
"I don't know," I admitted. "But it doesn't feel like enough. It never feels like enough."