Chapter 16 Under the Full Moon
Maddie Pov
The full moon hung huge in the sky. Silver. Bright. So bright it almost looked like daytime but cold and strange. Everyone was gathering at the edge of the forest for the mandatory run. Excited voices. Laughter. The sound of bones cracking as people started shifting early.
I stood at the very back. Trying to make myself invisible. Trying to blend in with the trees. My heart was pounding. This was the worst. Watching everyone else shift while I had to pretend I couldn't. Had to stand there like some kind of broken thing.
"You could just shift," Gory said quietly. "Show them what you really are."
"And get killed?" I whispered back. "No thanks."
"Hiding forever isn't living," Gory said.
"It's surviving," I said. "That's good enough."
Elara found me. Walked over with a smile. "Hey. You ready to watch everyone act like wild animals?"
"So ready," I said. Tried to sound normal. Tried not to sound terrified.
"Don't worry," Elara said. She bumped my shoulder with hers. "We can hang back together. Make fun of everyone from here."
"Thanks," I said. Relief flooded through me. At least I wouldn't be alone.
Coach Brennan blew his whistle. "Alright everyone. Standard rules. Stay in the designated area. No fighting. No hunting outside the boundaries. This is about community. About running together under the full moon. Got it?"
Everyone nodded. Shouted yes. More bones cracking. More people shifting. Clothes ripping. Fur sprouting. Wolves of every color appearing. Brown. Gray. Red. Black.
I watched. Couldn't help it. It was beautiful in a way. Seeing everyone transform. Seeing their true selves emerge. I missed it. Missed shifting. Missed running on four legs. Missed feeling free.
"Soon," Gory promised. "One day we'll run again."
"Maybe," I said.
The wolves started moving. Heading into the forest. Some running. Some trotting. Some just walking slow. Taking their time. Enjoying the night.
I stayed put. Elara next to me. We watched them go. Watched the mass of fur and tails disappear into the trees.
"Does it bother you?" Elara asked. "Not being able to join them?"
"Yeah," I admitted. "A lot."
"I'm sorry," Elara said. "That must be really hard."
"It is what it is," I said. Trying to sound like I'd accepted it. Like it didn't tear me apart inside.
Then I saw him.
A massive black wolf streaked past. Bigger than all the others. Fur gleaming in the moonlight. Pure black except for a small white mark on his chest. He moved fast. Graceful. Powerful.
I knew who it was before Gory even said anything. Knew it in my bones. In my blood. In every part of me that recognized my mate.
Calix.
He was beautiful. Stunning. The kind of wolf that made you stop and stare. The kind that took your breath away.
Our eyes locked.
Just for one second. One electric second. His golden wolf eyes meeting mine. Time seemed to stop. The world seemed to stop. Everything stopped except that connection. That pull. That bond.
Sparks shot down my spine. Real actual sparks. Like lightning running through my body. My breath caught. My heart stuttered. Everything in me screamed to run to him. To shift. To join him.
"Mate," Gory howled inside my head. "Our mate. Go to him. Now."
I stumbled. My legs went weak. Almost fell but caught myself on a tree.
The black wolf faltered. Mid stride. Like he felt it too. Like the same lightning hit him. He slowed. Almost stopped. Started to turn back toward me.
"No," I whispered. "No please don't."
For a moment it looked like he would come back. Like he would run to me. Like he would ruin everything I'd been trying to maintain. But then another wolf bumped into him. A brown one. Snapped him out of it.
The black wolf shook his head. Turned away. Ran deeper into the forest. Disappeared into the trees.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. My whole body was shaking. That was too close. Way too close.
"Are you okay?" Elara asked. She was staring at me with concern. "You look like you're about to pass out."
"I'm fine," I lied. "Just felt dizzy for a second."
"Maybe you should sit down," Elara said. She grabbed my arm. Helped me over to a fallen log. "Here. Sit."
I sat. Put my head between my knees. Tried to breathe. Tried to calm down. But my heart wouldn't slow. My hands wouldn't stop shaking. That one look had undone everything. Had cracked every wall I'd built.
"That was Calix wasn't it," Elara said. Not a question. A statement.
I looked up at her. "What?"
"The black wolf," Elara said. "That was Calix. And you two just had a moment."
"We didn't have a moment," I said quickly. "I was just watching the wolves. That's all."
"Maddie," Elara said gently. "I'm not stupid. I saw the way you looked at each other. I saw the way he almost came back."
I didn't know what to say. Couldn't deny it. Couldn't lie. Not when she'd seen it herself.
"It doesn't matter," I said finally. "Nothing can happen. Nothing will happen."
"Why not?" Elara asked. "If you two are into each other then what's the problem?"
"The problem is everything," I said. "I can't be with him. I can't be with anyone."
"Because of your ex?" Elara guessed. "Because of Jace?"
"That's part of it," I said. "But it's more complicated than that."
"Then explain it to me," Elara said. "I'm listening."
I shook my head. "I can't. I can't explain. Just trust me when I say it's impossible."
Elara was quiet for a moment. Then she said "Does Simone know? About you and Calix?"
"There is no me and Calix," I said firmly. "There's nothing to know."
"But if there was," Elara pressed. "If you two got together. Simone would lose it."
"That's another reason why it can't happen," I said. "Simone already hates me. If she thought I was actually with Calix she'd probably kill me."
"She's not that crazy," Elara said.
"Isn't she?" I asked. "She slapped me the first day I got here. For nothing. Just for standing near him. What do you think she'd do if something actually happened?"
Elara didn't have an answer for that.