Cracked but Trying

Leo POV

The thud hit loud outside my window. Shadows moved fast and close. Red lights flashed faint. A rough voice hissed low. My heart slammed wild. My hands shook bad. I peeked out, legs wobbly, chest tight. The car rolled slow. Too slow. Fear crashed hard. Was it Frankie? Was it worse? The window rattled soft. Metal scraped loud. My breath stopped short. Then it passed. Shadows faded. Silence crept back. My chest buzzed shaky. I sank to the bed. Alone. Rory gone. Hope thin. Danger close. Me breaking. Still breaking.

Next day, my stomach twisted tight. I stood outside the community center. The door was old, paint peeling slow. A light flickered above, buzzing loud. My heart pounded fast. My hands felt sweaty. I wanted to run. My legs itched to bolt. But I stayed. Something held me. Rory’s voice echoed soft in my head. “You’ll kill us.” It stung deep. My chest ached heavy. I pulled my phone out. My fingers shook typing. I wrote an apology. Deleted it quick. Wrote again. Words stumbled clumsy. “I’m sorry, Rory. I messed up bad. I’m trying now. For us.” My thumb hovered. My throat burned. I hit send. My gut flipped fast. No going back. I shoved the phone in my pocket. My other hand gripped a poker chip. Small and cold. My last loss. It bit my skin. A reminder. I had to fight this. I had to fight me. For him. For us.

I pushed the door open. It creaked loud. The room was dim. Chairs sat in a circle. People slumped quiet. Lost souls like me. My chest buzzed nervous. I didn’t fit here. But I needed this. I sat down slow. My legs bounced fast. My hands twisted tight. The air smelled stale. Coffee sat cold in a pot. Nobody talked much. A guy across from me coughed rough. His eyes were red. His hands shook worse than mine. He spoke first. Voice low and cracked. “Lost my wife,” he said. “Kids too. Gambled it all.” My stomach sank cold. My throat tightened. I saw Rory’s face. His stiff back walking out. I saw me losing him. Forever maybe. My chest hurt bad. My turn was coming. My heart raced wild. I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t know how.

The lady next to me nudged soft. “You’re up,” she said. Her voice was kind. My mouth went dry. My hands got wet. I rubbed them on my jeans. Everybody looked. Eyes heavy. Waiting. I swallowed hard. “Uh, hi,” I said, voice shaky. I tried a laugh. It came out dumb. “I’m Leo. I, uh, I messed up.” My chest buzzed loud. My throat closed tight. I stared at the floor. Scuffed tiles stared back. “I lost the best thing I ever had,” I said quiet. My voice cracked hard. My eyes stung wet. “Thought I could fix things my way. With cards. With cash. I just made it worse.” My hands shook bad. I gripped the chip tighter. It hurt my palm. “I’m scared,” I mumbled. “Scared I don’t know who I am without this. Without gambling. But I want to try.” My chest heaved fast. My tears slipped silent. Saying it shook me deep. Broke me open. Left me raw. I didn’t expect it to hit so hard. But it did. It really did.

The room stayed quiet. Heads nodded slow. The guy who lost his family looked at me. His eyes were soft. Sad like mine. My chest felt lighter. Not much. Just a little. I wiped my face quick. My hands still shook. I glanced at the door. Thought about running again. But I stayed. My phone sat heavy in my pocket. I wanted Rory to text back. I wanted him to care. I wanted him to see me trying. Fighting. Breaking. For him. For us. My gut twisted tight. What if he didn’t? What if he was done? My throat burned worse. My chest ached deep. I stared at my hands. Rough and empty. No Rory. Just me. Just this. Just now.

I didn’t see him. Didn’t know he was there. Rory slipped in quiet. Stood in the back. Shadows hid him good. His hoodie was up. His hands stuffed deep in his pockets. He watched me silent. I didn’t feel his eyes. Didn’t hear his breath. Didn’t know his heart pounded fast. He came to see if I’d show. If I’d fight. If I’d lie again. He stood still. Listened hard. Heard my voice crack. Saw my hands shake. Watched me break open. His chest swelled soft. Pride hit him slow. Love hit him hard. His eyes stung wet. His hands fisted tight in his hoodie. He gripped the pain. Wanted to run to me. Wanted to grab me. Wanted to say, “I see you. I hear you. I still love you.” But he didn’t. Not yet. His throat burned. His legs shook. He turned quiet. Slipped out fast. Left me there. Heart torn. Hope shaky. Fear loud. Love alive. Still alive.

I finished talking. The group clapped soft. My chest buzzed lighter. My legs felt weak. I stood slow. Walked out alone. The air hit cold. My breath puffed white. I pulled my phone out. Stared at the screen. No text. My gut sank fast. My chest tightened again. I shoved it back in my pocket. My hands shook less now. My steps felt heavy. I looked up at the sky. Gray and dull. Like me. Like us. I wanted him back. I wanted him here. I wanted him to know. I was trying. I was fighting. I was breaking. For him. For us. My throat burned soft. My chest ached quiet. I kept walking. Slow and tired. Hoping hard. Hoping dumb. Hoping still.

Then my phone buzzed. Sharp and loud. My heart jumped fast. My breath caught quick. I yanked it out. Hands shaky again. Screen glowed bright. Rory’s name. My chest buzzed wild. My eyes stung wet. I opened it fast. One message. Short and raw. “I saw you.” My stomach flipped hard. My throat closed tight. He was there. He saw me. He knew. My heart raced wild. My legs froze still. Another buzz hit. Second message. “Keep fighting.” My chest cracked open. Tears slipped fast. He wasn’t ready. Not yet. But he cared. He saw. He wanted me to know. My hands shook bad. My breath heaved loud. Hope hit soft. Love hit hard. I stared at the words. Read them again. Again. Again. My gut twisted sweet. My chest buzzed alive. He wasn’t back. But he wasn’t gone. Not all gone.

I started typing. Fingers clumsy. “Rory, I—” My voice cracked soft. I stopped quick. A sound hit close. Loud and sharp. Footsteps scraped fast. My heart slammed wild. My head snapped up. Shadows moved quick. Down the street. Tall and dark. My stomach flipped cold. My breath stopped short. Red lights flashed faint. A car rolled slow. Too slow. My chest tightened hard. My hands shook worse. Was it Frankie? Was it them? Was it now? A voice growled low. Rough and mean. My legs wobbled bad. My phone slipped sweaty. The screen glowed Rory’s words. “Keep fighting.” Fear crashed loud. Hope hung thin. Shadows closed fast. Suspense bit deep. I stood frozen. Heart pounding. Chest breaking. Wanting him. Needing him. Fighting him. Losing him. Waiting tense. Breaking more. Coming now.