Empty Bed Blues

Leo POV

The car roared close. Red lights cut the dark. Shadows stepped out fast. Boots hit the ground loud. Metal glinted sharp. My heart slammed hard. My breath got stuck. I watched Rory freeze down the street. His back was stiff. His hands shook. Fear hit me cold. I knew he was gone. I knew I’d pushed him out. I knew those shadows might be Frankie. They might be worse. I stumbled back inside. My legs felt weak. The door slammed loud. My chest buzzed wild. I was alone now. Really alone. Rory walked away. Trust was broken. I broke us. Old demons screamed loud. They won again.

Morning came gray. It was cold and quiet. My eyes opened slow. My hand reached out. I wanted Rory. I wanted his warmth. I wanted his breath. But the sheets stayed flat. They were cold and empty. My stomach sank fast. My gut twisted hard. He wasn’t there. He hadn’t come back. I’d fucked it all up. Again. I rolled over slow and heavy. My head pounded. My chest felt tight. I could still smell him. It was faint and fading. Soap and sweat. Rory’s smell stuck in the pillow. It stuck in the air. It teased me. It killed me. Silence choked me thick. No grumbled curses. No coffee bubbling. Just nothing. Nothing at all. The place felt empty and wrong. I was alone. He was gone. The apartment was dead without him.

I sat up shaky and slow. My feet hit the floor. The wood was cold and bit my skin. My hands rubbed my face. They felt rough and tired. I tried to shake it. I tried to move. I tried to breathe. But my chest stayed heavy. My throat burned. My legs wobbled. I walked past his jacket. It was still tossed where he’d left it. Crumpled and quiet. It mocked me soft. It screamed he’s not here. It screamed I’d lied. It screamed I’d lost everything. Him. Us. All gone. Because of me. Because of poker. Because of smoke. Because of cash. Because I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t keep him here with me. Safe with me. Mine with me. Not anymore.

I grabbed my coat. My hands shook. I needed out. I needed noise. I needed something. Anything but him. My chest buzzed. Guilt ate me slow. I knew I’d messed up. I knew I’d promised. I knew I’d broke it. Over and over. Old demons called. Poker pulled. Cash whispered fix it, fix it. The lie grew. I slipped. He walked. Trust cracked. It shattered loud. It left me here. Alone and dumb. Sinking fast. Drowning slow. I needed to run. I needed to bet. I needed to feel something. Anything but this quiet. This empty. This cold. Without him. Without Rory. Without us. It was breaking me. Breaking bad. Breaking now.

The game was close. The basement stunk. Smoke was thick. Cards slapped loud. Guys grunted. Chairs scraped. My hands got sweaty. I slid in fast. My heart raced wild and high. I needed this. I needed more. I needed cash. I needed out. I needed him. I needed us. I thought I could fix it dumb. Fix it wrong. Fix it desperate. Chips clinked. My pile grew fast and big. Hundreds stacked up. My chest buzzed. The high hit hard. I was winning big. Winning loud. I thought rent. I thought Rory. I thought us. I thought maybe I could bring him back. Show him cash. Show him hope. Show him me trying. Fighting. Lying. Still lying. Still slipping. Still me. Still dumb. Still lost. Still gone without him. Without trust. Without truth. The high faded fast and cold. Danger crept in. Eyes watched. They were dark and sharp. Frankie maybe. Shadow maybe. The cost was coming. Close. Too close. Too late. Too much. Too now.

I bet big. Chips slid over. My hands shook. My heart pounded. The high was gone. I was desperate now. I needed more. I needed all. I needed him. Cards flipped. Guys laughed. My stomach twisted cold and sick. I watched it go. I watched it slip. I watched it lose. My pile shrank fast and hard. Cash was gone. Hope was gone. I was gone. Losing quick. Losing bad. Losing everything. I clutched one chip. The last one. It was small and heavy. It shook in my hand. I stared hard. My eyes got wet. My chest broke. I realized it. I felt it. I knew it. I’d thrown it all away. Thrown him. Thrown us. For this. For nothing. For smoke. For chips. For lies. For demons old and mean. They won loud. They killed me. They killed us. They killed him. Gone from me. Gone for good. Gone because of me. Fucking me. Fucking up. Fucking done. Rock bottom. Cold and dark. Deep deep deep. Here and now. Alone alone alone. Gutted bad. Gutted raw. Gutted real. Gutted him. Gutted us. Gutted all. Gone gone gone. Again and again and again. Too late too late too late.

I saw him then. At the table. Losing bad. Rory in my head. His voice cut sharp. “You swore you were done.” I saw him walk out. His voice broke. His back was stiff. He forced himself not to turn around. My chest cracked. My hands shook worse. I remembered gripping his pillow. Breathing him in. Knowing it was fading. Just like us. His eyes burned in my mind. Wet and mad. “You’ll kill us,” he’d said. It hit hard. It hit true. I lost another hand. Chips gone. Cash gone. Him gone. My throat burned. My eyes stung. Tears slipped quiet. I saw him leaving. I saw me breaking. I saw us dying. Because of me. Because of this. Because I couldn’t stop. Couldn’t stay. Couldn’t keep him. Here with me. Safe with me. Mine with me. Not anymore.

I walked home slow. Legs heavy. Chest empty. The apartment was dark. I kicked off my shoes. They thudded soft. I climbed into bed. My side cold. His side empty. I stared at it. Flat and still. No Rory. No warmth. No him. My gut twisted hard. My chest broke worse. I reached out slow. My hand shook. I touched his spot. Cold sheets mocked me. My throat burned. Tears fell fast. Wet on my face. Wet on his pillow. I pulled it close. Hugged it tight. Breathed him in. Faint and fading. My heart ached. My voice cracked. I grabbed my phone. My hands shook bad. I started a voicemail. I never sent it. “I fucked up, baby,” I whispered. “I fucked up so bad.” My chest heaved. My tears soaked in. I stopped it. I couldn’t call. What would I say? Sorry wasn’t enough. Nothing was enough. He was gone. I’d lost him. I’d lost us. For nothing. For poker. For demons. For me. Always me. Always fucking me.

Then a thud hit. Loud and sharp. Outside the window. My heart jumped fast. My breath caught quick. I sat up slow. Eyes wide. Dark blurring. I saw shadows move. Tall and close. My stomach flipped cold and hard. Fear crashed in. My hands shook bad. I stood slow. Legs wobbly. I peeked out. Red lights flashed faint. A car rolled slow. Too slow. My chest tightened. My throat burned. Was it Frankie? Was it them? Was it worse? A voice hissed low. Rough and mean. My heart slammed wild. My breath stopped short. The window rattled soft. Something scraped loud. Metal maybe. Close maybe. Coming maybe. For me. For us. For him. Breaking in. Breaking me. Breaking more. Hope gone. Fear here. Suspense sharp. Waiting tense. Wanting him. Needing him. Losing him. Still losing him. Now.