Chapter 11 Regrets in my Past

Naabutan ni Zoe si Lexie sa opisana ng kanyang ama.

“Well as I expected you’re here Lex. Dad tell me ilang lies pa ba ang malalaman ko sa mga darating pang panahon. Will you stop interfering my life. Di ako umuwi para lang maging puppet mo. For God sake dad matanda na ako I can decide on my own.”

“Lexie please give that to Zoe.”

“Here’s all the report of Paige case. It’s not just about Paige but other documents also.”

“Zoe I’m sorry. I’m sorry kung kailangan kong magtago sayo ng mga bagay bagay. Gusto lang kita protektahan.”

“Protektahan from what? Dad nakukulong na ako sa mga decision mo. Nagkaroon na ako ng pamilya di mo na ako kailangan pa pangunahan.”

“Sir can I go now.”

“Please stay, Zoe lahat nang ito ay desisyon ko. Lexie have no intentions on hurting you. She’s doing what I ask her to do. Kaya please don’t hate her.”

“I don’t know dad. I thought I will be happy knowing your close to Lexie now but it seems nagbago na. I feel pinagkakaisahan niyo ako.”

“Zoe, I’m really sorry.”

“Di na ikaw ang Lexie na nakilala ko.”

“Zoe.”

“Pwede mo ba kaming iwan muna ni dad Lex. I need to talk to him.”

Malungkot na lumabas ng opisina si Lexie.

“Zoe listen. Please don’t do that to Lexie.”

“Dad stop! Okay? Stop dragging Lexie to my life again. Di na natin maibabalik ang nakaraan. Please understand that Lexie is now my past.”

“I really thought na kaya kong nang gawin ang tama but unfortunately di parin pala. Zoe it’s time for me to open this.”

Diego sigh..

Diego memories

Habang papalapit ako sa kinaroroonan ni mama napansin ko si tita Syd na walang tigil ang pagluha. Bumilis ang pagtibok ng aking puso na para bang gusto kong magwala. That’s the woman that broken my family sa isip ko that time. Siya ang babae na naging dahilan kung bakit ako iniwan ni mama kay dad, kung bakit ako lumaki na walang ina. Pero habang palapit ako ng palapit sa kwadradong kinalalagyan ni mama. Unti unti akong nanghina at nanlumo. Diko alam pero ang naramdaman kong galit sa babae ay napalitan ng awa. Nang makarating ako sa kinaroroonan ni mama doon kumawala ang luha kong pinipigil. Tita Syd hug me.

Ma, please. Come back. Please di na ako magagalit. I will be more understanding. Just come back.

Niyakap ako ng mahigpit ni tita. Naramdaman ko ang tuloy tuloy na pagluha niya habang bumabagsak ito sa aking mga balikat.

Im sorry Diego. I wasn’t there. I promise to be with her diko siya naligtas.

It wasn’t your fault tita. Ako ang dapat e blame because I didn’t accept mom kung ano talaga siya.

She understand you Diego. It’s just all the judgements. Akala ko na she’s okay pero dinidibdib lang pala niya lahat. Ako dapat ang eblame dahil i dragged her to my world that full of judgements.

Diko maintindihan bakit ginawa ni mama magsucide. Masaya siya kasama si tita Syd. Malayo ito sa malungkot at magulong buhay kasama si papa.

After the funeral bago umalis si tita syd paibang bansa she gave me a box. Inside in it was the title of the house and the bussiness na mamanahin ko kay mama. Kasama rin dito ang sulat ni mama para sakin. I cant believe na nagsinungaling si papa sakin. Lahat ng pinanggastos niya sa pag aaral ko at sa amin it was came from my mom. Nakaramdam ako ng regret dahil naniwala ako kay papa at lihim akong nagagalit kay mama at that time. Kung sana di lang ako naging matigas at sefish maybe mom will not do it. Isa ako sa mga taong nagkait kay mama ng kaligayahan and I will bring this regret for the rest of my life. As I read moms letter my heart start to fall again nang malaman ko ang struggle and pains ni mama in the society. She was suffering of deppression because the judgement of people about her being a lesbian mother. I really thought my mother was happy because she fpund her true love and had a name in the business pero di pala. Behind those smile I see when I saw her is the wekness of her to accept those hurtful words from others. Day by day she was suffering and that’s why she commit suicide.

Present

Di mapakaniwala si Zoe sa kwento ng ama about her grandmother. Ang inis at galit sa kanyang ama ay napalitan ng awa habang nakikita ang patuloy na pagluha nito sa kanyang harapan.

“Anak I’m really sorry kung naiisip mong I manipulated your life. I’m just afraid na magaya ka sa lola mo. I don’t want you to be weak. You need to be strong dahil alam kung diko kayang bayaran ng pera ang mga taong mapanghusga. When I found about you being a lesbian day by day natatakot ako na baka mawala ka sa akin gaya ng lola mo. “

“Dad I’m sorry. Diko alam ang mga pinagdaanan mo. I never thought that you were just afraid.”

“Wala kang dapat ihingi ng tawad. Ako ang may mga kasalanan sayo. I was a messed up father. Pati si Lexie nadamay ko sa lahat ng ito.”

“No dad, your not messed up. Siguro di nagkakaintindihan. Kung alam ko lang ang past mo maybe di na tayo aabot sa ganito. After hearing those words from you dun ko naintindihan na ayaw mo lang ako magaya kay lola. I realized now”

“Zoe anak ipangako mo wag kang papatalo sa sasabihin ng iba at pag di mo na kaya wag kang magdadalawang isip na tawagin ako. I will be there for you no matter what.”

“Yes dad. I promise you magiging matapang ako.”

Niyakap ni Zoe ang ama.

“Dad can I ask you a favor?”

“Sure what is it?”

“About Lexie?”

“What about her? If its about your feelings about her then go for it. I think Lexie still have feelings for you also.”

“No , no dad. That’s not it.”

“Oh, then what is it?”

“Dad let Lexie live her life now. Ayaw kung magstay parin siya sa nakaraan. Dad I will be okay.”

“Okay alam mo naman kung bakit si Lexie ang nilapitan ko she knew you more than anyone else here. Siya lang ang masasabi ko na sobra kong mapagkakatiwalaan pagdating sayo. Pero if that’s what you want then im okay with it.”

“It’s just we have our own life now. Our past will be a history. Besides I don’t want to cause any trouble with her relationship with Kim.”

“Ah okay anak kung yan ang gusto mo. From now on hahayaan na kita magdesisyon sa sarili mo. I promise na di ka pangunahan o e interfere.”

“Thanks dad. And by the way one more thing. Can I ask you something.”

“Yeah sure what is it?”

“You know Juaqin Carillo?”

“Yes Juaqin is my friend and one of our concrete distributor. Why? Is there a problem about him?”

“No, it’s not him. It’s about her daughter.”

“Uhm Dr. Stephanie?”

“She’s a doctor?”

“Yes. She study abroad. Did you met her? She’s beautiful you know.”

“Dad.”

“Di nga diba maganda siya. Did you already meet her?”

“Yes actually I did.”

“So what about her?”

“I found out their were facing some business problems.”

“Yes they were. Nabaon sila Juaqin sa utang when her wife got sick. Ang dami nilang kailangan bayaran sa medicine and bills unfortunately her wife died last year. That’s the reason about their financial issues.”

“Dad can we offer them some extra business ventures to help them.”

“Well we could but di agad agad. We should think it thoroughly especially my business na tayo sa kanila. Can I ask you bakit biglaan ka naging invested sa kanila?”

Kinuwento ni Zoe ang tungkol sa pinagdadaanan ngayon ni Stephanie.

“So medyo personal ang reason mo anak. As much I want to help you but you know kailangan pa natin talaga to pag isipan mabuti. But we could try. But I will not make any promise okay?”

“Thanks dad. I really appreciate it.”

After mag usap nila Zoe at kanyang ama ay ipinatawag niya si Lexie sa kanyang opisina.

“Lex I’m sorry about earlier.”

“It’s okay lahat naman ng sinabi mo totoo. I was out of line. I shouldn’t do those things for your dad.”

“Lex do you still have feelings for me?”

Lexie was off guarded sa tanong ni Zoe.

“What? Nnoo…”

Lumapit si Zoe kay Lexie at hinawakan ang pisngi

“You are the one who taught me how to love Lex. The first woman I really loved kaya nga kahit ilan pa man babae dumating sa buhay ko. Di kita pwede kalimutan. That’s why I don’t want you to stuck in our past. I want you to live now and be happy.”

Unti unti namuo ang mga luha ni Lexie. Nagulat si Zoe ng bigla siyang halikan ni Lexie.

“Lex?”

“You promise that day na babalik ka pag ready kana para ipaglaban ako pero agad kang sumuko. I tried to forget when you get married but when Paige died doon ka nalaman I still love you. So that’s it Zoe, all the things I’ve done is because I still love you.. Pero now I get it. Salamat at pinaalala mo sakin that matagal ka nang nakamove on sa nakaraan. I’m sorry if umasa pa ako na makakaalala ka.”

Di makapaniwala si Zoe sa narinig niya. Why her heart feel sadness. Why she has this feeling na gusto niyang yakapin si Lexie. Bakit niya ito nararamdaman ngayon.

“Goodbye Zoe. Don’t worry this is the last time na mag uusap tayo sa ating nakaraan. I will assure you the next time we talk it's all about being you my boss.”