Ch165 A Father’s Embrace

Leo smiled at her, the same comforting smile Fenris would use. “I feel bad betraying him, but how I see it he betrayed me first. My whole life he tried to make me feel unwanted and a burden that even my parents didn’t want. That I was some useless thing that could be cast away like garbage. Despite that, I saw how you fought for me, even before you consciously knew you were mine. Namuh had poisoned me and you sacrificed the power to harm Dr. White to pull the poison from my wound. Of course you keep cutting along that scar,” Leo chuckled as he showed it to her. He found it humors to be honest. “And I saw the look in your eyes when you came to visit when you were starved. Drakon said you had even stopped eating human food you were getting so sick. Even through all that you never once hurt me or laid a hand on me. People who don’t care about people don’t protect them like that,”

“I hate to admit it, but the average vampire doesn’t protect people like that,” Dagrim said gentle as he walked up to hug Sasa. Idmu and the twins stepped aside so she could get her sire’s full attention. “Sasa risked insanity to keep herself from harming you. She even worried that when I came to rescue her that I wouldn’t find you because she forgot to mark your door. She had already accepted that she would be beyond saving by the time I arrived. I fear had I been another fortnight or more I would have been,”

Sasa hugged him back, “I wasn’t too cuckoo, was I?”

Dagrim smiled, “I won’t answer that in front of everyone, but you did think I was part of your imagination,”

Sasa whimpered, then yawned. With everything, she forgot the sun was rising.

“If you can, what did you do to Fenris if you didn’t kill him?” Ryuji asked as he saw the signs of her falling asleep.

Sasa froze slightly and clung onto her father. Holding her trembling in to only the inside, Sasa took a deep breath as she answered, “I feed him my werewolf blood, as much as he would take. Then I... I..,” Sasa disappear from Dagrim’s arms as she stood off away from everyone to be alone. Took another deep breath before she admitted, “I cannibalized another vampire for his blood and power so I could control Fenris’s blood like I had mine and locked away his power with the shield that protects werewolf children until they are bitten. I know I murdered, I know I must answer for it, but I had to. If you’re human the man in white lets you go. I made him angry for tricking him and he was going to kill Fenris. I made him even angrier when I found out who Leo really was and turned him against him and started tearing up his building. I also murdered another vampire just so I could see Fenris. I’m sorry, but I’d do it again if I had to. I answer any punishment you set, but please, let me be with Fenris first,” Sasa was crying again and had sunk to the floor before she had finished her admittance to what she had done.

Dagrim began to walk over to her and she looked up at him with such fear in her face it broke his heart. She hadn’t even been this afraid of them the first night awoke with them. He wrapped his arms around her and held her as she shook and sobbed. “My precious, beloved, wanted little one, my Onisagira, I will not punish you for the things you did in that evil place,”

“But I didn’t just kill them either, I killed at least a dozen more getting food for Lykos or myself. I even killed wolves,” Sasa sobbed.

Sköll padded up, still in his wolf form and rubbed against her, *They would have rather died in battle with honor than to have starved or been experimented on. You did them good, not evil.*

Sasa just cried and latched on to her fathers. She felt so ashamed of what she had done. Now she felt foolish for how she was acting, but she couldn’t stop.

“You had to do what you had to do. Fenris is your mate. Even I know that means you’d have slit your own throat if it meant the vampire would live. Wolf law holds no wolf responsible for his or her actions when defending mate or pups. There have even been a few tales of mates who have had to let pups die because the mate was in danger. Wolf logic says, children can be replaced, a mate of mates cannot,” Ragnar added. “You should be happy the bad guy didn’t think to say, choose, Leo or Fenris,”

“Ragnar!” Astrid snapped, “That’s an awful thing to say. You’re supposed to say things to cheer mama up, not scare her or make her sadder. “

“It’s alright Astrid, I think that is your brother’s way of helping,” Sasa said through a giggle while she tried to stop her crying. “Now is today a school day?”

Astrid shook her head, “No mama, it’s Saturday. And we have Spring break this week,”

Sasa nodded her head, then looked at Leo, “Do you want a room to yourself or would you like to bunk with Rag and Astrid? “

“I could have my own room?” Leo asked amazed.

Sasa nodded. Then she yawned again as she grew weary. “Let’s go find you a room,”

This time when Sasa tried to stand and walk Sköll had to catch her to keep her from falling over. Looking around from on top of her father’s warm, silver, back she noticed Idmu and the twins had left. So had the other younger vampires. Even the older ones seemed tired, but they could fight if better than Sasa could.

Sköll bucked Sasa off to help her stand up straight again, but she still fell back into Dagrim’s arms. *I will get the new pup settled in, little one. Go, rest.*

Sasa nodded as Dagrim picked her up. “Have a good day, puppies. Be nice to Leo, he is a lost one. Leo, Sköll will stay with you and he’ll help you,”

“Alright, but where is Sköll? I haven’t seen him since we got here,”

Astrid giggled, “Silly, Sköll is right there,” she said as she pointed at Sköll.

Sköll shifted back into his human form to show Leo. “It’s alright, your wolf sense is dimmed from being with hunters. We’ll reawaken it. Come, let’s find your room,”

Leo just stared in awe, Sasa smiled as Dagrim wished them good day and started carrying Sasa off.

“Do you want your coffin or your bed?”

“Not mine, Fenris’s. Can’t alone, so bed,” Sasa answered sleepily.

Dagrim chuckled and placed her in her bed. “Sweet dreams my beloved daughter. You know where I’ll be if you need me,” He stroked her head and kissed her before he left.

Sasa thought she’d fall right to sleep like she always did, but it never came. The bed felt cold and empty as she tried to get comfortable. She tried every way to lay on the bed, but none of them felt right. A few time she even tried to fall asleep in the coffin. Fenris’s scent was stronger in the coffin, but it didn’t help. By noon she wobbled her way to her father’s room. As she approached, she heard the grinding of his stone lid sliding of so he was already sitting up waiting for her when she entered.

“Everything alright? You’re normally not up this early Sasa,”

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Sasa said as she yawned and rubbed one of her eyes. “I just couldn’t sleep. I don’t think I’ve ever slept alone at home before. I’ve always had Fenris or Sköll with me. As a human I didn’t like it, but I feel more vulnerable sleeping during the day. I know that sounds stupid, and I know Fenris said your coffin sarcophagus, thing was too small, but..,”

“Onisagira, I would like it if you spent the rest of the day with me. There is plenty of room if you don’t mind a tight squeeze,” Dagrim said with his arms open wide as he cut his daughter off.

Sasa began crying lightly again from loneliness and weariness as she trotted over and clung to her father like a toddler. “I know I’m being such a baby, I’m sorry,”

“Hush now,” Dagrim said as he stroked her head. She really was tiny and didn’t take up too much room. “It is understandable. You can sleep with me as long as you like, I know you’re claustrophobic. Fenris told me once that you’re even still afraid off the dark,”

Sasa tugged on him lightly as he began to pull the lid over them, “Can you leave it cracked for me?”

“Of course I can, my precious, wanted little one,” Dagrim said as he twisted the lid so it fit at an angle. “And your fear to sleep alone during the day isn’t unwarranted. Young vampires normally can’t move around like you can and are vulnerable,”

Sasa hummed sleepily as she finally felt safe and protected. “I miss him,”

Dagrim held her and kissed the top of her head, “I know little one. However, I know how stubborn and smart you are. You’ll find a way to get the pest back,”

Sasa didn’t respond as she slept in her father’s arms. It had been a long time since she slept in her own house with her family. She only woke twice from nightmares. The first one took Dagrim by surprise, he forgot how violent her night terrors could be. On the second one he was more alert to her movements and mood and was able to nudge her mind enough that she only awoke with a start and not slashing and gnawing. After the second one he just laid awake and pet her head. That seemed to sooth her and keep her calm. His heart was heavy as he felt all her sadness, pain, and loneliness. Sasa had done a good job while she was awake to try and hide it, but it was all laid bare while she slept. Her ability to shield her mind didn’t seem to work while she slept. Perhaps she had taught herself to do this so Fenris could manage her nightmares. He had mentioned that she still had them occasionally. However, the ways Fenris used to chase them away wasn’t available to Dagrim, Sasa was his daughter. His precious, beloved, wanted, beautiful, little daughter and he would do whatever it took to keep her safe. Sadly, he realized if this was a trap to catch her again, he would risk her anger and kill Fenris before the man in white caught her again. Dagrim knew Fenris would rather that to the alternative anyway.