Chapter 59

“Yes, but just not as much as you do now.”

“And you’re not gonna ever live together or marry him?” Eddie asked.

“No,” Tyler said simply.

“That sucks!” Eddie said loudly, surprising Tyler. “What if I promise not to fight or do stuff to jerks who don’t like what you and Ward do? Then can it go back to the way it was? Can Ward maybe still live with us?”

“Me and Eddie want you two to be together,” Jack said pleadingly. “We like Ward a real lot. We talked about how neat it would be for him to live here or us to live on the farm. Please, Daddy, don’t let the bad people scare you and make you and Ward not be boyfriends.”

Jack put his arms around Tyler, buried his face in Tyler’s chest, and began to cry. Tyler closed his eyes and pulled his son closer.

Tyler slipped an arm around Eddie’s waist. “I know it’s hard. You like Ward a lot, and he likes you, too. But I have to protect you.”

“I can protect myself—and Jack,” Eddie said angrily, pulling away from his father. “It ain’t fair for you to take Ward away from us.”

A sense of anguish flooded Tyler. He should never have let his selfish love for Ward go as far as to make life this hard for his sons.

“What does Ward think?” Eddie demanded.

Tyler decided to be honest. “I don’t know what Ward thinks. I haven’t asked him.”

“Don’t you think you oughta?” Eddie asked, his voice intense. “He’s got a say in this, too.”

“I’m sorry, but what Ward thinks doesn’t matter. Your safety is my responsibility, not his,” Tyler said, while at the same time marveling that his young son was so astutely aware of the factors that applied to this situation.

“It does too matter what Ward thinks, and it matters what we think, too,” Eddie said. “We’re a family. You said so yourself when we picked Addy’s name. You told us we should ask Ward what he’d like to name her cuz we were family. Now you’re going back on your word. You ain’t being fair to Ward or us deciding this all on your own. We all got a say, too.”

Jack was nodding vigorously all the while Eddie railed at his father.

As surprised and shamed as Tyler was at the response of his boys to his decision, he held his ground. “I know it’s hard. I wish there was some other way. But I have to do what I feel is best for you.”

* * * *

Later after they were all in bed, Tyler lay awake. Eddie had gone to bed angry. Jack had shed tears. Tyler had done his best to comfort him until Jack had fallen asleep.

Now it was Tyler’s turn. Tears rolled down his cheeks. He wished it could be different. He wanted Ward. He wanted them all: he, Ward, and the boys to be a family. Tyler hated Hank and everyone in the world like him that couldn’t accept that two men could love each other as he and Ward did. But most of all, Tyler hated himself for his weakness, for his fear of being who he really was, and for hurting those whom he loved the most in the process—Ward and his boys.

* * * *

Saturday was a somber day in the Hughes’ household. While not being unfeeling toward his boys’ sadness, Tyler did his best to act casual.

Eddie still harbored anger at the unfairness of Tyler’s unilateral decision. Jack moped, playing with his cereal rather than eating it. Tyler was dismayed to see the parallel between their current reactions, and those when their mother had died. Eddie had railed at the unfairness of her passing and Jack had been depressed. It seemed the loss of Ward in their lives was as devastating to them as that of Tiffany.

However, Tyler fought the nagging voice that kept telling him that while he could do nothing about Tiffany’s death, he did have the power to change the situation with Ward if he chose to. He steeled himself against those thoughts and told himself the boys would get over this situation as they had their mother’s passing. This was something he was doing for their own good.

Sunday—Tyler couldn’t stand the thought of going to church or the Pierce’s for Sunday dinner. Eddie and Jack were still very upset over the situation. Tyler couldn’t chance what might transpire at his in-laws with the boys in the mood they were in. Who knew what they might blurt out? Tyler was not prepared to face the religious wrath of Hiram and Emily Pierce if the situation with him and Ward became known. They might even go so far as to try to get custady of the boys, claiming my perversion makes me an unfit father.He knew that this was probably just his paranoia kicking in, but the thought unsettled him. He called his in-laws and said he was afraid the boys were coming down with something.