Chapter 98 Harlot
\[Lilia\]
I hate him… I hate him… I hate him… That fucking lying piece of shit!
“Fuck you, Kael! I hate you!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, and poured all of my rage into the rock I was clutching before hurling it into the pond. As soon as it made contact into the water, the ducks scattered in all directions, quacking loudly as they flapped their wings to get out of the way. Initially, I felt bad for them, but the more I think about that man and the way he treated me like trash, the more it makes me want to punch someone, but I know I can’t do that.
I huffed, picking up another stone, weighing on my palm, and was about to hurl it into the air, but as I looked into the pond, the ducks began to swim into the pond again, flocking into the spot where they were supposed to throw the rock.
“Sorry, ducks, but could you please get out of the way?” I sighed, lowering my arms while my shoulders sagged as though the last of my strength also went to the rock I threw into the water. The weight of betrayal settled heavily on me; Kael’spromise of protection and affection was meaningless, overshadowed by the reality of his engagement to another woman, Sabina.
“The ducks were telling you to stop throwing rocks into their pond.”
My body instantly stiffened when someone suddenly spoke from behind me. I immediately wiped the tears staining my face and turned around, but I wasn’t expecting the person I would see right in front of me.
“Sasha?” I marveled aloud, surprised to see her here. “What are you doing here?” My voice was still slightly shaky from crying.
She brushed her gaze over my body, and that’s when I realized that I hadn’t changed my clothes yet and was still wearing a robe. Then her attention shifted to my face as she walked closer to me with her hands shoved into the front pocket of her jacket. “I should be the one asking you that. Master Kael has returned. Shouldn’t you be at his side? You know, welcome him?”
I don’t know if I should be insulted by what she said, knowing exactly what she meant by it, but the way she delivered it, she sounded so innocent in thinking that way, more of a curious one than being nosy. I know Sasha wasn’t so amazed by me, the way she looked at me coldly the first time I saw her during her fight.
But it got me curious as well if she were to think of me that way, were the others too?
“Is that really what everyone thinks of me? His little harlot?” I couldn’t help but ask.
Was I that very low to them?
A woman that can only be used as a tool for pleasure and nothing else.
“Isn’t that why he purchased you at the auction? Everyone thinks of it that way,” Sasha replied, and this time, it hurts right on the chest, and it seemed as though a ton of bricks had been thrown into my shoulders upon hearing it from her.
“W-were you too?” My voice cracked as I queried out, as though something stuck inside my throat that I could get rid of no matter how hard I tried to swallow.
I looked over her entire face and saw not contempt or criticism but only candor. Yet I couldn’t help but still get hurt. The woman I admire, the reason why I have the courage to fight those bullies is because she inspires me to become strong and stand for myself. But right now, she sees me just like how the others did.
“You can’t blame me if I do so,” she said nonchalantly, shrugging her shoulders and shifting her gaze into the pond. “The first time I saw you, you were wearing nothing more than a strap of your skintight dress, and now you were wearing nothing but a robe. I wouldn't be astonished in the least if you weren't even wearing anything below that.”
She was right. First impression lasts. If that is how she sees me, then the others too. If the situation was in reverse and I were in her shoes, I would’ve been thinking the same way as she.
Sasha had been straightforward with her words. No sugarcoating in them and was only telling the truth about what she sees and how she perceives them. Yet even with those words, she wasn’t being insensitive. I could feel it. Even though she wasn’t showing it, she somehow understood me.
A smile betrayed my anguish formed on my lips as I followed her gaze into the pond. I am hurting, she knows it, and she wasn’t showing me any pity in her words nor her eyes as though knowing precisely that was the least I needed right now.
I do not want to be pitied. I wanted to be seen as a person and not an object.
Kael once gave me that hope, that he finally sees me beyond being his expensively acquired possession. That night we spent together after racing and beating with death. He promised me, yet he broke it.
“Isn’t it sad? That people are so quick to judge you before they have even had a chance to get to know you or the reason why you are in this very predicament?” I muttered dejectedly, questioning directly to no one, sighing deeply, hoping that it that this would in some way help to alleviate the weight that was currently resting on my chest. “You were a great fighter. I wish I could be more like you. Strong and can do things I couldn’t.”
I saw Sasha look into my face from the corner of my eyes, but I didn’t meet her gaze. I couldn’t meet her gaze. I am too embarrassed by myself that I cannot even bear to look into her eyes to see my devastated reflection. Even though there wasn’t any judgment in her gaze, I just couldn’t.
“Does it really make a difference what other people think of you? Don’t take it the wrong way, but I think what’s more important is what you believe in yourself, and trust me if I say that there wasn’t anything so great about me as well. I just learned what my strengths were and used them to my advantage and not to be easily demeaned by others. You too can become the woman you envision yourself to be, but you won't get there by wishing you were someone else.”
What she said penetrated into my head and hit me pretty deeply. I do want to be like her, desperately. Thinking that I am too weak to be on my own. Being too dependent on the people around me. I might not admit it, but it was the whole truth.
“I still want to learn how to fight just like you. You were awesome inside the training gym,” I remarked, forcing a grin on my face in an attempt to hide the pain I was in, though the cut on my lips stings as it stretches too much.
“We are trained to kill,” Sasha replied sternly, as though she wasn’t so proud of sharing it with me. But after everything that happened to my life, being taken by some loan shark syndicates to pay off my father’s debt and getting himself killed in front of me, sold to the highest bidder in an auction, kidnapped, and fell off the building. Those things, killings, and deaths weren’t so scary anymore.
“And I was nearly killed. If I wanted to live longer in this world, I should be learning how to defend myself, right?” I jested as though what I’ve been through was nothing but a big joke.
Sasha nodded with a subtle grin on her face as though biting off my joke and responded. “You’re right, but isn’t Master Kael giving you a parade of guards wherever you go?”
“Yes. Yet I manage to escape them. They were suffocating as hell,” I lamented in a jest, though what I stated was true.
“That’s how you got yourself nearly killed, I guess?” She said, and I nodded with a laugh. “I see. You’re quite a pain in the ass. If I were to be your guard, I’m sure I’ll have my gray hairs the next month,” she continued, infected with my laugh as well as telling her how it happened and ended up getting kidnapped by some psycho.
“Hey, I am not that bad,” I snide off, my laughter getting more heartily.
The pain I had earlier seemed to have alleviated after talking with her. I wasn’t wrong about Sasha being a wonderful person, despite the way she looked at me earlier in the training room.
“Lilia.”
Another voice suddenly called my name while Sasha and I were in a middle of a conversation. However, upon hearing it, she immediately went rigid, her face turned sternly, and her arms snapped to her side and turned her body into a conservative stance.
“Sir Val,” she said in a monotone as though she were on a drill.
Val gave her nothing more than a cursory glance and merely a nod of his head in her general direction before continuing on his way right next to me. His face beaming soon as he spoke.
“I have good news. Boss says you can train.”
Hah! If Kael thinks that he could make up for what he did by allowing me to train, well, he’s wrong.
If this were in another circumstance, I would have jumped in joy and hugged Val, but I was still pissed off as hell.
“Great, the very soon I’ll learn how to hold a dart knife, I’ll have him impaled with it,” I muttered gravely, rolling my eyes and crossing my arms against my chest.
Val lifted his eyebrows, amused with what I said, and a sly grin stretched on his lips. “I’m sure you will, sweet cake.”