Chapter 84 Chapter 84

Chapter 84 Chapter 84
Darren 

Music blares through the house, wireless speakers hooked up to play music from Caden’s laptop.
The holiday party he’s been all gung-ho about is tonight, and I’m trying to get into the mood for it.

I got excited when he first brought it up, but honestly, it’s been such a weird couple of weeks that I’m totally off my game. Normally, I’m the life of the fuckin’ party, but I feel like I’m dragging tonight, and the damn thing hasn’t even started yet.

Caden keeps insisting this thing is going to be epic. It reminds me of the parties we used to throw in high school, and the parties we had last year, before Kimberley arrived at Evergreen Bay University.

Back when shit was a whole lot less complicated.
It’s still tense between me and the guys. Ben and I are both pissed at Caden, but we’re wary and tense around each other too, so sharing a house with the two of them has been a real fucking picnic lately.

When I got home last night, I found Caden almost blackout drunk in the kitchen. He’s been drinking a lot over the break, but I haven’t seen him that shit-faced in a while. I helped him to his room, because even though we all kind of hate each other right now, these dudes are still like my brothers. I have to assume that we’ll get back to a better place someday, and in the meantime, I’m not gonna just blow them off entirely.

I swear to God Caden was muttering Kimberley’s name as he stumbled into his room though. I couldn’t make out what he was saying exactly, but I’m positive I heard her name.

It pisses me off.

He shouldn’t have any right to be thinking of her anymore.

I would’ve asked him about it this morning, but he was like a completely different person when he woke up. He had to have had the hangover from hell, but he didn’t act like it. He’s been almost manic all day, getting shit ready for the party and talking about how amazing it’s gonna be. I dunno who he’s trying to convince though, us or himself.
Whatever.

Let him work through his issues on his own this time. I’ll drag his drunk ass to bed, but I’m not gonna go along with any more of his stupid schemes or vendettas. I’ve made up my mind. I’m done with that shit.

It doesn’t undo any of the things I did in the past, but at least I won’t let him drag me into another war I’m not even sure I should be fighting.

The three of us managed to avoid talking to each other for most of the day, but at around eight, we all emerge from our rooms, ready for people to start arriving. Caden wears ripped jeans and a white v-neck shirt, and a beer dangles from his fingertips as he brushes a hand through his dark hair.

“Rocking the rebel without a cause look tonight,” I say, not in the nicest tone. Yeah, I’m still pissed at him and he’s still pissed at me. But we’re going to get through this.

“How many people coming to this thing?” Ben asks, coming into the living room as well.

“Like, fifty,” Caden says.

“Shit,” Ben replies, not sounding impressed by that number so much as annoyed. I’ve been on the fence about this party, but Ben definitely isn’t. He picked a side a long time ago, and that side was anti-party.

“Hell, yeah. It’s gonna be epic.” The manic glint is back in Caden’s eyes, and he either doesn’t notice the tone of Ben’s voice or just chooses to ignore it.

The three of us sit down on the couch, drinking beer and waiting for people to arrive. For a while, the only sound is the music coming through the speakers, but after a while, we start to talk and joke amongst ourselves a little.

The beer doesn’t hurt, and I’m sure either Caden or Ben—or maybe both—have been smoking weed too. It relaxes a bit of the tension between all of us, and gradually, things start to feel a bit more like old times.

Goddamn. How did everything get so fucked up in just a single semester? Kimberley exploded into our lives like a bomb, and there’s basically nothing left at the epicenter of the blast. I know she’s still planning to come after Caden, and probably me and Ben too, but I wonder if she knows how fucked up things already are. If she knows that our friendship, which has survived for years through plenty of bullshit, is fracturing.

I don’t say any of this to the guys though. I don’t want Kimberley’s name lingering in the air. If we start this evening off with Kimberley as the subject head, then we’re fucked. That’s why I stick to small talk and joking. This is what our friendship desperately needs right now.

Soon enough, people start to arrive, and the next thing I know our house is totally packed. Caden was right about people wanting to blow off steam after surviving Christmas with their families. And our house is the perfect location for a huge party because we’re within walking distance of campus, so no one has to drive.

“Dude, this is lit.” An hour later, I glance around at the bodies packed in around us, grudging respect entering my voice. I gotta hand it to Caden, he knows how to throw a party.

“Totally.”

He nods, his gaze scanning the room. He’s still acting weird. Like half his brain is somewhere else or something. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with him.

“I think my fucking ears are going to explode,” Ben grunts, his massive arms crossed over his chest.

He’s not really a party type guy in the best of circumstances, and all this shit with Kimberley has made him even more anti-social than normal.
I’m about to give him some good-natured shit, try to drag him out of his bad mood a little, when I glance up and see the front door open.

A girl with brown hair and one blue eye, one green eye steps inside, making a beeline toward a group of people in the corner by the keg.

My gaze tracks her movements like a hawk. Granted, I barely know this chick, but I know she’s Kimberley’s roommate. My heart starts pounding in my chest and I don’t know whether or not I should bring it to Caden and Ben’s attention.

What sucks the most is, upon seeing Gemma, I’m desperately looking around the room to see if Kimberley is here with her.

But although I catch flashes of blond hair in the crowd around us, none of them are the one I’m secretly looking for.
Waiting for.

Hoping for.

Kimberley is nowhere to be found, which isn’t fucking surprising at all—why the hell would she be here? But still, an incredible sense of disappointment flows through me.

Dammit. I need to get my head on straight.
I’ve been telling myself for the past week and a half that I need to stop thinking about Kimberley. That I need to let this shit go and recognize that it’s over between us. That whatever we had—whatever the hell it was—is done.

But maybe instead of trying to shove her out of my thoughts, what I really need to do is ask myself whether I want her out of them. Am I really ready to let her go? To walk away from what we had?