Chapter 32 Thinking
I sit on the couch in his living room. It’s a bit disheveled in here again, signalling that his friends have been here. My brain feels like it’s going a million miles a second. I’m trying to understand so many different things at once.
On one hand, I’m trying to understand how werewolves and soulmates even exist. On the other hand, I’m trying to understand how my boyfriend is a werewolf and my literal soulmate. On another hand I don’t even have, I’m trying to understand that Cassie doesn’t go to our camp because she didn’t necessarily want to be my friend, that she was forced into it. I’m trying to understand all the signs that I’ve missed, the way he runs extremely warm, the way he could seemingly sense me coming before I was there. All the things I overlooked. Even the intense relationship blooming out of practically nowhere between us is a sign of something not normal.
He sits pretty much motionless beside me on the couch. I don’t acknowledge him, and although I know he’s probably beyond stressed for my reaction, I can’t give him one.
He said I could reject him. That I always have the right to not be in a relationship with him. Although it feels uncomfortable and indescribably weird to have someone picked out as my soulmate, I don’t want to leave him. I love him deeply, and even if some of these feelings are out of my control, I’m not going to deny them. He said being rejected is the worst pain imaginable, so I should tell him. I don’t want him to be sitting here ruminating that I’m going to leave him.
“I’m not going to reject you.” My voice is loud in the pin-drop house.
He looks at me quickly, relief apparent on his face. “I love you so much, Anneliese. Do you have any other questions for me?”
I laugh, but the humor is lacking. “I have so many questions that I don’t even know what to say.”
“Ask me anything.”
I shake my head, leaning back onto the couch. “I don’t know what to ask Alec. Do you hurt people?” I settle on the question that almost matters the most to me.
“No, we would never hurt another person.”
“You thought I was involved with something with your friend?”
“Yes, um, one of our close friends died recently in an incident, and I thought maybe you were a part of it because of your smell.”
“Obviously, you know I’m not a part of his death. I didn’t even know about werewolves until five minutes ago.” I feel the need to defend myself.
“I know I knew you weren’t involved the first time we met.”
It’s quiet again until I speak. “What does this mean for us?” He looks at me nervously at my question.
“Whatever you want it to mean. We can go as slow or fast as you need.”
I look over at him, leaning into him. I take him by surprise, leaning the side of my body fully into his fully. It’s comfortable to be this close to him again.
“I want you. I want to be with you forever. I love you deeply, Alec. I can’t lie that it does scare me a little bit, and confuse me that you can turn into a wolf, let alone that werewolves are even real. But I don’t care. I love you whether you’re a wolf or a human.”
He puts his arm around my shoulders, pulling me impossibly closer to him. “I’m so glad to hear that.”
“Are both your parents werewolves too?”
“Yes, they’re also soulmates, but my mom's a werewolf. My dad is the Alpha, and she is the Luna, meaning they are both the leaders of our pack.”
“Is your pack big?”
“It’s decent-sized, it’s just a little bit bigger than small, but a lot of our members live across the US instead of just here.”
“So does that mean you’ll be the alpha after your dad?”
“Yes, I’ve been preparing to take over when he’s ready.”
This makes me a bit nervous that I might be expected to lead his pack, too.
“That would make me the luna?”
“Yes, but don’t worry yourself about it. When the time comes, my mom will help you prepare. We won’t just throw you into all of this. I know it’s a lot.”
I don’t know how I can’t worry about something as big as this, but I trust him, and if he trusts his family to help me enough, I’ll trust him.
“Can I tell Beth?”
It would be such a great help to have someone to talk about this stuff with.
“I’m sorry, but you can’t. No human knows about us unless they're a soulmate.”
I figured that would be the answer, although I hoped otherwise. How am I going to go back to the camp tonight and just pretend like I didn’t find out my boyfriend can turn into a wolf?
“Can I ask about Cassie?” My voice is quieter at the mention of her.
“Yes, anything.”
“Was everything with her fake?”
“No, I don’t think so. It started fake, but it seemed like she genuinely considered you and Beth as her friends.”
I’m glad even if he doesn’t know for certain that she considered us friends at some point.
“What do I tell Beth? She’s going to want to know everything.”
“You tell her whatever you want, but she can’t know the truth.”
I sigh, moving my face to bury it into his chest. “I hate that I have to lie to her now.”
He wraps his other arm around me, hugging me to him. “I know. I’m sorry I put you in this position.”
I chuckle even though it’s muffled by his chest. “It’s not like you could help it. You didn’t choose to be a werewolf; you didn’t pick me out to be your soulmate. It all just happened by fate.”
I have to think long and hard about what I’m going to tell her and what she’ll believe.