CHAPTER 16 PTSD
Zara’s POV.
“No!” The words are still garbled but it is clearer. Fear fills me. I start trying to move away desperately. His erection pushes hard up against me through his jeans, Getting harder with each slight wiggle. Panicking, I start to remember Dexter, and Seldwin, Their fingers inside of me. The heat and pressure of their bodies on me. I can feel Flame’s erection and breathing against me still. I start to hyperventilate as the memories swarm me. My sobs become loud and short as I fight to find a way out of this. Fuck, fuck, fuck.. What should I do? What can I do? Please, please no.. Anything else- Not again..
“Zara..” Flame’s soft and gentle whisper does nothing to calm me. The hot breath on my neck is even worse. “I heard you. I promise I heard you. I'm sorry I scared you.” He pulls away slightly so he isn't pressed against me. I breathe a shaky sigh of relief but remain tense. I will not be relaxing until I have regained control of my body entirely. Fuck, I hate him. He is such an asshole. Grisko never would have done this to me. He may be a snarky bitch while we're in public together, but he is so sweet and kind to me. He always was.. When he was tending to my wounds on the river bank he took the time to cover my large gashes with individual Hawthorn leaves. As I lay on the bed thinking about that evening on the river bank and the other night with Grisko. I watched as the patch of light on the wall in front of me, cast from the window behind the bed traveled along the wall. Hours passed. I could tell from the patch of sun and its positioning.
“Zara? Can you move yet?” Flame’s sudden speech startled me. I tried to move, but I still couldn't. “I'll take that as a no.. Here.” Flame sat up and slid my dress up my leg. Fear raced through me again. The flash of memories and terror start up all over again. Tears start to stream from my eyes. I try to roll away desperately.
“No!” My speech is less garbled but still hard to understand.
“Calm down.. I am trying to help you.”
“Ah! Fuck!” I yelp with pain as Flame stabs my thigh with an Epi-pen.
“You had an allergic reaction to the dart. I didn't realize how long it had been until a minute ago.”
“Fuck you.” I roll off the bed. Still unable to properly move I end up dragging myself across the floor one arm's length at a time.
“Zara, where are you going?”
“Away from you. What you did is fucked up. All of it is fucked up.” choking back my tears and flashes of the past to fight my way across the room. I hear Flame’s heavy sigh from behind me.
“I am learning.. This kind of shit is all I know, Z.” There is a pause as Flame takes a breath. “I am sorry..” It is my turn to sigh now. His words do not make me feel any better.
“I am still pissed at you for it. Learning or not.” I give up on the half army crawl half dragging myself across the floor, Letting my head fall against the floor. I cry hard, my tears fall against the floor, fear and anger fueling them. I want to find Grisko. He is all I want right now. I am over this “Fated love” and “Fated Mate” bullshit. It is all absolute bullshit. I choose who I want. Me. The Fates and the Moon Goddess can fuck off. I want to be able to move again.. I hear Flame moving about as he gets himself a drink of water from the small kitchenette.. I can hear the sink running and the sound of a glass filling. Then I hear him walking back over towards the middle of the room. He takes a long and loud sip. The sound makes me angry. I am so pissed and scared right now and the noise is very obnoxious. Every slurp causes more anger. All I can hear is my heart pounding in my ears and the sounds of Flame’s drinking.
“Fuck! This! Fuck you!” My sudden shriek makes Flame jump violently, dropping the cup he is holding. Water and glass shards spray across the marble floor as the glass makes an impact.
“That was seriously uncalled for beautiful-” I cut him off.
“Don’t you fucking call me that!” My shriek of pure rage comes deep from within me. It is far louder than the one before. “Don’t you dare! I hate you!” As I regain more movement I start to army crawl again. This is a faster and more stable army crawl now. Tears continue to come hot and fast as I force my body to work. I want away from him. Away from fate. Away from it all.
“Zara.. You don’t mean that.” Flame’s whisper catches me off guard. Turning my head around to look behind me at him, I see tears stain his face. Glaring, I huff and turn my head away angrily.
“I do right now.” I mumble the words under my breath as I crawl from the suite. Army crawling is still all I can do. It has been 10 minutes and I am still only halfway down the hall. Pushing on is all I can do now. I want out of here. My once beautiful silk dress is torn and scuffed from my knees rubbing against the marble. The hallway seemed a lot shorter when I was being carried.. As I get to the end of the hallway I look down the stairwell. An ominous feeling fills me. Well, since my legs don’t work enough for stairs yet.. What am I going to do now? An idea comes to me, immediately I lay down, my heart beating fast as I make peace with how much this is going to hurt. I roll myself over and watch in slow motion as the bottom of the long flight of stairs comes closer. I scream in pain as I hit my head and elbow on the very edge of one of the marble stairs. Intense pain fills various areas of my body. Before I can make it to the bottom the world fast forwards again as my vision begins to tunnel. I scream again at a sudden pain in my left knee. The world goes dark.