Chapter 21

The sounds of gunshots abated, and Miranda felt the van thump as the two kidnappers fell to the floor beside her. What was going on? Was she going to be killed?

She struggled and fought against her restraints, but they would not budge. She had to get out of here or she was going to be killed. The van depressed as an individual stepped into it. Screaming as loudly as the gag would allow, Miranda wriggled away from the footsteps.

"Miss Dunne," the person said, squatting to her level. "Mr. Devin sent us to rescue you."

As he spoke, another individual entered the van.

"Do you have a knife? She is bound pretty tightly," the man next to her said to his companion.

"Let's move her first," his companion responded, gesturing to the dead bodies in the van.

"We're going to move you, okay?"

She nodded and was lifted gently out of the van. They escorted her to another vehicle and gingerly removed her binds.

For the first time since she was captured, she opened her eyes and the setting sun's beams shone brightly, stinging her sore eyes. She looked around, shocked to find men around her, dressed in combat gear. The man who'd brought her out of the vehicle handed her a bottle of water. "Drink. You should be thirsty."

Miranda thanked him. She cracked the seal and gulped the water down, surprised at how thirsty she was. Another bottle was handed to her and she gulped that one down as well. As she drank and the shock from the kidnapping began to wear off, she recalled the first statement the man made to her.

Mr. Devin sent us.

She gasped, almost choking. "Mr. Devin. W-where is he? Can you take me to him?"

The man pointed and she turned, heart ablaze. She jumped out of the van and ran to him, as fast as the pain in her body would allow with tears in her eyes. She stopped in front of him, looking up at him.

"Mr. Devin. I…"

He did not let her finish, embracing her in a tight hug. "Miranda. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. Please find a place in your heart to forgive me."

She did not respond, only allowing herself to be enveloped in his arms. He lifted her, carrying her princess style and holding her tightly to himself.

Miranda swayed gently in Matthew's arms with every step he took. He was taking her someplace; she had no idea where. He came to a stop soon thereafter and used a hand to rifle in the pockets of his trousers. she heard the beep of a car opening and she was slowly lowered into the cool interior of the Audi.

She opened her eyes and looked at Matthew. The worry and pain in his eyes made her heart clench. She reached a hand out tentatively and cupped his handsome face.

"I'm sorry. I always make you worry. Please forgive me."

In lieu of answering, Matthew leaned into her touch and placed his hand over hers. They stayed like that for a few minutes before breaking apart.

"We have to go to the police station. You will give them your report and then, we'll go to the hospital. okay?"

She nodded. She had no desire to speak about the ordeal but there was no choice. She could only hope that the situation was resolved quickly.

Matthew kissed her on the forehead and shut the door. He walked around to the driver's side and entered the car. Then, they were off to the police station. When they arrived, Matthew specifically requested to speak to a detective and would not let any other police officer interview her.

Once the interview was over, Matthew took the man aside and spoke to him privately. Miranda saw the man's eyes grow progressively wider. She was very curious as to what he was telling the man. She made a note to ask him when they were alone again.

The drive to the hospital was quiet but intense. Miranda could feel anger and rage slowly boiling within Matthew and for a second, she felt it was directed at her.

When Matthew pulled the SUV into the hospital's parking lot, Miranda had fallen into the familiar well of self-loathing. Matthew unlocked the doors and looked at her. "Let's go in."

He reached for his door handle to open it when she placed a hand on his arm. "Wait, I..."

He looked to her inquiringly. "Are you okay? Any pain?"

She shook her head but remained silent. Matthew took her hand off his arm and clasped it. He looked into her eyes, concern clouding his features. "Miranda, what the matter? Do you want to say something?"

She curled her hand around his. "Are you angry with me? Did I do something wrong?"

Matthew drew back, stunned. "Why would you...why would you ever think?"

"You've been silent, and I thought that...I'm sorry," she finished lamely.

"No, Miranda. Don't ever think that. I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself. I… I've been a fool. I let the past dictate my present and I almost let it dictate my future. Don't...this is not your fault."

"I don't understand what you mean."

Matthew nodded. "I know that. I'll explain everything to you. But now, we must get you checked up. okay?"

"Okay," she said, smiling slightly.

He returned the smile. "let's go."

The hospital check-up took more time than she'd expected. She had no idea that just being exposed to a sedative can result in so many issues. A blood test was conducted, her body examined for any type of sexual assault that may have taken place when she was sedated, and so on.

Finally, she was released with some drugs for the pain and a warning to return if she felt any strange symptoms in the next few days.

She walked out of the consulting room to see Matthew sitting impatiently on the cold, metal chairs of the waiting area. He stood as he saw her, striding to her.

"How did it go? Are you okay?"

She nodded. "Yes, I'm fine. I was told to return if anything feels strange. I was also given this." She lifted the pack of drugs she was given by the pharmacist. "For the pain."

He sighed in relief. "That's good. Let's head home."

"Okay," she said. He took her hand and began leading them back to the parking lot. As she walked behind him, watching him pull her gently while holding her firmly, Miranda had to ask herself if she could trust the happiness and contentment she felt right now.

It would melt, wouldn't it? It would crack, break and shatter. Joy and fulfilment were not for her. She was cursed to be miserable. It was better to push the happiness away now to soften the blow when it was cruelly snatched away from her.

They reached the car and Matthew settled her inside. He started the engine and drove them back to his house. He parked the car in the garage and switched off the engine. He was a little anxious. During their trip to the hospital, he had become silent, brooding in his self-directed anger. Miranda had accused him of being angry at her, which he corrected.

Now, she was the one who had become silent. He was worried about her silence, but he did not want to ask her about it. Maybe she was tired and needed rest.

He opened his mouth to say something, but she beat him to it.

"My mother told me that I would never be happy," she said in a very quiet voice.

He turned to her and saw her gazing at the dashboard, but he was certain that her mind was somewhere else entirely. He waited, not wanting to interrupt her and she continued.

"I believed her. Not at first, but as she said it over and over again, as my misfortunes piled up and my life became a mess, I started thinking she was right. Whenever I became happy, for any reason, it would always come with fear. Fear that it would be taken away. Fear that it would not last. Fear that...that something worse was coming. I was always so afraid."

She wrapped her arms around herself and Matthew felt his mouth and throat become dry. He knew the fear she spoke of. He had experienced it so many times. Fear that nothing would ever go your way and that you would spend the rest of your days bumbling through life, no true purpose and no true joy.

Miranda continued, her voice even lower. "When you gave me a job and a place to live, I was happy. So happy. I was content and I was afraid. I thought that everything would come crashing down and it did. when Karly tried to kidnap me, the first time, I was so afraid."

She shuddered as the memory overcame her. "I was afraid," she repeated, her voice faint.

Matthew reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You're fine now. You're safe."

She nodded and continued. "But I was most afraid that you would reject me. That you would tell me to leave. It always seemed like too much trouble for you to be around me. So, imagine how happy I was when you welcomed me to your home. I was ecstatic. I could not believe it. You were bringing me closer not pushing me away. I was overflowing with joy. Then..."

Then he'd kicked her out. His chest burned with the guilt of his actions. "I'm sorry. I was wrong."

"No, it Is fine. I shouldn't have listened to my sister. I shouldn't have picked the call or even tried to get in contact with them. I just felt like...after all this time, I still wanted their approval. I wanted them to see me as their daughter, as their family. They sold me out to Karly again for money. I was so stupid to trust them, to even talk to them."

She turned to him, her eyes wet. "I'm sorry. I made you believe I was taking money from you intentionally. I'm sorry about that."

Matthew swallowed and clenched his jaw. She blamed herself for his overreaction when it truly was not her fault. It was his fault and the fault of the women that had left their indelible marks on and under his skin.

She had told him everything, it would be unfair to withhold information from her.

"It's not your fault," he started. "It really isn't," he reiterated when she began to interrupt.

"I…the woman you know as my mother did not give birth to me, although she was more of a mother than my biological mother ever was. My biological mother abused me severely. She tied me up, she beat me, and she starved me."

Miranda gasped and he saw tears run down her face. He reached out, surprising himself with the ease at which he touched her and wiped the tears away.

"Don't cry. I don't want you to cry for me. I've cried enough."

Miranda sniffed and nodded, gesturing for him to continue the story.

"She died soon enough. And I was happy. That seems like a very terrible thing to say but I was truly happy. I thought I would be free. I thought that I would be able to live, truly live. But that was not the case."

Matthew looked down his thigh as his throat became tight. He swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat.

"All of my relatives rejected me. no one wanted me. I was sent to an orphanage. I had friends there. It was not always easy to find things to eat every day, but it was the happiest I had been. There were some nasty children, but we all seemed to understand that no one else wanted us so we stuck together."

Matthew swallowed again and continued.

"One day, a woman came. She said she wanted to adopt a child of my age range. I remember vividly the jealousy and happiness in my friends' eyes when I was selected. That was the dream, right? To leave the orphanage. To find a family that loved us. To find a place where we belonged."

"I was happy as well. I was delighted but not for long. After the first week passed peacefully, a woman came over. She saw me and smiled. a very dirty smile. Even as I child…I knew something was wrong. I ran to the woman who I had begun to call mother and she told me nothing was wrong. That I was overreacting. That night was the first night. the first rape.

Miranda flinched at the word rape, smacking her back against the glass, horror evident in her wide eyes.

Matthew laughed a self-deprecating laugh. He rubbed his thighs, trembling, his anxiety shooting off the charts. Would she reject him now? Now that she knew how much he had been defiled?

She didn't say anything, so keeping his eyes on the floor of the car, he continued. "Some days, it was just her. Some days, it was with other men, some days women. Time and time again. One day, I snapped. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran back to the orphanage and told the orphanage matron what had happened. I was so stupid. I didn't realize… she told me to come to her room at night. That she would treat my injuries and report to the police. She raped me too."

Matthew pushed his head into the headrest, looking at the roof with wet eyes. "She sold me to others under the guise of adoption. They raped me too. All in all, I have been raped more times than the number of years I've been alive.

Miranda's hands covered her mouth, her eyes still wide. Matthew chuckled harshly, fear of losing her driving him to the edge.

"Will you leave me now? Now that you know everything? Will you leave me?"

Miranda reached for him, grasping his hand in her scarred palms and bringing it to her lips. "I will never leave you. I will stay until you send me away."

He turned to her and asked in the voice of the abandoned and abused little boy. "Never?"

Tears rolling down his arm, she shook her head and said, "Never."