Chapter 4 — No doesn't always mean no

Astrid:

Immediately his lips touched mine, the little resolve I had melted away. My bag slipped from my fingers and I curled my arms around his shoulders, pushing my body flush against his. Having his strong familiar body against mine after all this while made my senses go haywire, all I wanted was to get closer to him, feel his warm skin underneath my fingers, feel his breath on my skin, feel him slide in to me, filling me up. I'd missed this, so much. To be honest, I had been celibate since our divorce—not by choice, but because I knew no one could bring me immense pleasure like Aaro. It was like my body was attuned to his touch and only his touch.

I moaned at the bold, branding swipes of his tongue, feeling the heat from his body seep into mine, rendering my limbs to jelly.

His intoxicating maleness made me gush, soaking my panties in my arousal. God I was so hot for him. It had been so fucking long.

His lips left mine and started to trail down my neck, leaving soft toe curling kisses, I moaned, my fingers sinking into his hair.

His hands slipped from my waist and cupped my ass through my khaki shorts, kneading softly. I love when he does that.

"I could take you right here and now" he growled against my ear, his hot breath blowing against my skin "With the giraffes watching as I make you scream my name over and over again"

I shivered. It was perverse how much I wanted that to happen. "But I won't, unless you agree to come back to me Tesoro"

A power play.

"I've missed you so much baby, please just come back to me"

I won't lie, I was extremely tempted to accept and just melt in his extremely familiar arms, forgetting the past and what transpired between us.

But I can't.

What he did to me couldn't be forgotten.

I extracted myself carefully from his arms, putting space between us. I could feel tears pricking my eyes but I pushed them back. I won't cry in front of him ever again, I'm not that weak woman I was before.

"I can't forget the past Aaro, you can't make me forget it, no one can. It still haunts me to this day, what could have been"

"How many times do you want me to apologize Astrid? I have crawled, asking you for forgiveness, I gave you the divorce you wanted. What else do you want from me?"

"I want you to leave me alone!" I cried out, my voice broken as the tears flowed freely.

His face crumbled, sadness creeping into his eyes "I can't do that Astrid. I love you too much"

My hand involuntarily crept over my clothed flat belly that once held the product of our love but was now empty.

"I can't forgive you Aaro, you took too much from me, Too fucking much. And allowing you back into my life will only damage me further" I sucked in a breath and steeled myself for the next words I would say.

"Stay away from me. I don't ever want to see your face again"

And with that I turned on my heel and sprinted away, ignoring his enraged calls.

~*~

"Do you really have to go to this wedding?" I whined, flopping onto my bed with a discreet 'oof.'

"Yes, Ash, and you're my plus one, so get your ass off that bed and get a dress," Syd answered, her voice coming from my en suite bathroom just a few meters from where I laid.

I groaned and rolled over onto my belly.

It'd been a week since that disastrous conversation between Aaro and me, and so far, thankfully, I hadn't seen a glimpse of him.

One less problem in my book.

Although I couldn't shake the sadness I felt. It truly was finally over between us, and instead of feeling happy, I was depressed. I missed him.

Throughout the week, I tried to distract myself from thinking about Aaro, I threw myself into my work.

But it didn't work, I often found myself thinking.

I sighed and sat up. Sydney was dragging me to one of her coworkers' wedding as her plus one. Honestly, I didn't want to go. I just wanted to curl up in bed with a frozen pizza, watching old reruns of Friends and wallowing in my own self-pity.

But Syd wasn't having it. And Syd got everything she wanted. Speaking of Syd.

"Are you still sitting?" She called, a minute later she appeared at my bathroom door, her makeup half done, her shiny blond hair in giant rollers, a huge frown on her face.

"You aren't getting out of this Ash, we are going to this wedding and getting irrevocably trashed, meet some hot groomsmen and have the time of our lives. What you won't do is stay in this depressing house and eat stale pizza, so get your ass up"

"Fine!" I shot back at her, already frustrated. No one could argue with Sydney West and win. That's what made her a great lawyer She smirked at me before returning back to the bathroom.

I stood and stomped to my closet, grumbling under my breath all the way. I grabbed the first dress my eyes landed on. By the time Syd came out of the bathroom, I was half done with my makeup.

"That dress looks amazing" she complimented, sounding pleased.

I glanced down at myself. I wore a black shimmering sleeveless gown with a daring thigh high slit and sheer shiny fabric at the bottom.

"Thanks" I answered, smearing on my ruby red lipstick. I smirked. The last time I put on this lipstick was the day of my divorce.

I sighed and stood, ducking down to slip on my sliver stilettoes. A few minutes later we were on our way, snug in Sydney's Toyota.

The wedding reception was at a swanky hotel in South London, The Esquire hotel.

We arrived and hand in hand we walked through the hotel's lobby to the hall where the party was already in full swing.

The hall was beautifully decorated in light festive colors matching the cake that towered over everyone, and from what I could see, also matched the bridesmaids dresses.

"This is a lot more people than I expected" Sydney muttered beside me and I nodded my agreement.

She pulled me along, trying to find our table. After a minute or two of pushing past chatting people, we finally found our table, right beside the dance floor, opposite the bridesmaids table.

"Wow! Get a load of the hotties at our table” Syd hummed in my ear as we approached.

Two men sat chatting amicably. I admit Sydney was right, they are really handsome. One had brown curly hair falling into dark blue eyes and a cute, friendly smile. The other had sandy blonde hair, cropped short and piercing grey eyes.

But none of them were as handsome as Aaro, my inner voice said and I mentally rolled my eyes.

"Hello" Syd chimed as we both took a seat, I was beside the blond man who was smiling warmly at me.

"Seems they put us together. I'm Sydney and this is my friend Astrid"

"Nice to meet you Astrid" Brunette said as he offered his hand which I shook. "Pleasure to me you Astrid" Blond said, his soft baritone washing over me.

Aaro's voice is better.

"I'm Taylor and this is Jones" Taylor the brunette introduced, motioning to his friend who offered his hand.

"Nice to meet you both" I responded, shaking Jones' hand.

We chatted for a while, Sydney was flirting heavily with Taylor, laughing at his jokes.

Jones seemed nice, he was an architect and he worked with Taylor, they were also best friends. He was actually the bride's cousin. He seemed shocked when I told him about my job but calmed down fairly quickly. Everything was going well until I got up to go get a drink at the bar.

"A glass of white wine please" I told the bartender and waited as he fetched it Just as I was about to take a sip, I heard a familiar voice.

"Astrid?"

I turned and immediately a huge smile split my face.

"Ramon," I breathed and was immediately engulfed in a huge hug. "It's been so long, Astrid," Ramon said as we drew back.

I glanced up at my former brother in law. He hadn't changed much, still the same pitch black curls falling into honey colored eyes and that cheeky smile he always had. He was the less serious carbon copy of Aaro, although less muscular than he is.

"Too long, Ramon, How are you doing?"

He adjusted his black tuxedo, devoid of the bow tie and beamed down at me "I'm very well, what about you?"

"I'm good, I didn't know you were back from Italy"

"I haven't been back long, I just came for my friend's wedding, Jacob"

"Don't tell me you're the best man?"

He scratched his head nervously "Uh no, Aaro is" My eyes widened. Aaro is here?!!

"Aaro is here?" I asked, my voice shaky, my dread must have shown on my face because Ramon grabbed my shoulder lightly, his face concerned.

"Are you alright, Astrid? Do you need some air?"

I could only nod and allow him to lead me into a small enclosure just after the bathroom that led to a small balcony, overlooking the pool area.

"You stay here, I'll go get you some water" Ramon said and disappeared, leaving me alone.

I sucked in the fresh air, trying to calm myself down. Aaro is here. But that doesn't mean anything.

I sighed. I shouldn't have allowed Sydney to drag me here. "Astrid" a horribly familiar voice called and I whirled.

Aaro stood by the balcony doors, his hands in the pockets of his tuxedo pants, a guilty look on his face.

"May I join you?" He asked, his voice careful.

A huge lump clogged my throat and I could only shake my head. Seeing him just brought back all the pain I was trying to ignore.

He didn't move an inch, instead he stood there, staring intently at me. "You look beautiful in that dress" he said softly.

I swallowed "I don't want your compliments. Can you just leave?"

"I can't leave you when you're crying Astrid. It hurts me to see you like this" I was crying? I touched my face and found it wet. I didn't even notice.

"You made me like this" I shot back, folding my arms against the slight chill. He flinched "I know"

I turned back to the railings, already feeling vulnerable. I just wanted him to leave.

"Our little girl would have been three now" he said from behind me, his voice soft and wistful. My hand crept over my belly, almost protectively as I leaned against the railings for support. "Yes, she would have" I replied, barely audibly.