Chapter 37 XXXVII
My mind was troubled. I was stuck avoiding Alessandro, and it was the same with him. He didn’t come to work the next day after the announcement at dinner, and I was thankful that he didn’t.
I had already accepted my fate, which was to marry Alessandra and pretend to love her forever. But if I kept seeing Alessandro, I might be put in a situation where I would be tempted to let him have his way with me, and that would lead to me cheating on Alessandra for the third time.
I couldn’t let that happen.
Today, Alessandra and I were going to check out some wedding gowns. Ever since the announcement, Alessandra had been the exact opposite of me. She had been on cloud nine, especially after we picked up our engagement rings.
At least she was happy.
I sat in the lobby of the wedding store. Alessandra had tried on five wedding dresses, all of which looked good on her, but eventually she chose the last one.
Then we looked through some hall designs to see how we were going to decorate both our wedding hall and our engagement hall. Alessandra would ask me what I thought of a particular hall, and I would tell her it looked good.
I wouldn’t deny that I was distracted. I kept wondering what Alessandro would be thinking. Was he going to give up on me now?
As much as I hated the thought of it, I had to admit that he should. Alessandro deserved someone better than me—someone who would love him without fear of the consequences.
“Rowan!”
Alessandra’s voice drew me out of my thoughts.
“Huh?” I replied like a man who had just regained consciousness after years in a coma.
I looked at Alessandra and found her glaring at me in anger.
Wait… why was she glaring at me? Did something go wrong?
“Is everything okay, Sandra?”
That question seemed to worsen her anger.
“No, Rowan! Everything is not okay. I’ve been talking to you for a while now, but you aren’t even listening. It’s like you’re not even interested in this wedding. You keep saying everything looks good. You simply have nothing to say about anything, and it’s frustrating!”
I gulped at her outburst and placed my hands on both sides of her shoulders with the intention of trying to calm her down.
“I’m sorry, Alessandra. I promise I won’t be distracted anymore. Tell me what you were saying earlier. I’ll be attentive now.”
She said nothing in reply and just kept staring at me like I was a different person. I tried to maintain my smile so she would be reassured and wouldn’t see through it.
To my dismay, she looked away and closed the book, putting it aside.
“Let’s just go home. I’m done with this.”
Without waiting for a reply or an explanation from me, she stood up and stomped away.
I sat there, running my hand through my hair in frustration.
I can’t believe my dumb self managed to piss off both twins. How the hell did my life become this complicated?
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We arrived at the Ricci mansion, and I walked Alessandra to her room. I walked behind her because I knew she was still angry at me.
She didn’t say a word to me during the car ride, and no matter how much I tried to lighten the mood, she didn’t react. Eventually, I gave up and decided to let her cool off.
When we got to her room, she stopped outside the door and turned to face me.
My heart broke when I saw the tears in her eyes.
“Tell me the truth, Rowan. Do you really want to marry me? Do you even love me?”
I gulped and started to panic. I thought I hid it well. Why was she suddenly having doubts about my feelings for her?
I took a step closer to her, but she stepped back.
“Answer my question, Rowan!”
I flinched at her words as tears rolled down her eyes. My heart felt heavy, and I really didn’t want to lie to her, but I had to.
“I… I… love you, Sandra. I don’t know why you suddenly think I don’t. I was just a little stressed out about work. That’s why I wasn’t paying attention earlier.”
“I’m not a fool, Rowan!” she screamed and started to sob.
Her shoulders shook, and I stood there feeling bad and helpless, not knowing how to handle the situation.
“You have shown me many times that you don’t love me. I’m the one who always initiates a kiss—you never do. You never let things get too serious between us. Whenever we kiss, I can feel your disinterest. It’s like you’re doing this because you have to and not because you want to. You’re always distracted when we’re together, and I’m getting fed up, Rowan!” she explained through her sobs.
I stood there with my heart breaking, watching every tear that rolled down her eyes.
She didn’t deserve this from me, but there was nothing I could do.
“I—I love you, Sandra. I’ll do better from now on.”
She wiped her tears angrily.
“Forget it!”
She looked at me, her eyes red and swollen.
“Just go home. I want to be alone.”
She walked into the room and slammed the door harshly.
I stood there helplessly, not knowing how to fix this.
I thought I was good at pretending, but I was wrong. Alessandra saw right through my act.
How could I have been so careless?
Dejectedly, I descended the stairs with the intention of going back home. It was no use trying to talk to Alessandra now. It was better if I left her alone so she could cool off.
As I got to the living room, I heard voices and laughter, instantly recognizing one of the voices as Alessandro’s.
My heart pounded as I got closer.
I couldn’t deny that I missed him. I missed him so much it hurt.
As expected, Alessandro wasn’t alone. He was seated on the couch with another guy as they talked and laughed.
The most painful part was that I recognized the guy. It was the same guy I had seen him having sex with in his room a month ago.
Jealousy instantly took over my senses, and I couldn’t help clenching my fists in anger.
I thought he said he loved me and would fight for me, yet it seemed so easy for him to go back to his flings.
The guy was the first to notice me. He was handsome in that celebrity kind of way—blond hair and eyes as blue as the ocean.
It fueled my jealousy.
He smiled kindly, but I still hated him to the core.
“Hi,” he greeted, and that drew Alessandro’s attention to me.
I suddenly felt weak in the knees when those forest-green eyes connected with mine.
God, I missed him so much. I missed everything about him.
“Oh, hi, Rowan,” Alessandro greeted, which surprised me. There was something different about him. The smug Alessandro who always had a smirk on his face was back.
Why did that disturb my mind?
“Hi,” I gritted out, which seemed to make his smirk grow wider.
“Chris, I’m sure you haven’t met my… brother-in-law yet.”
He said the words like it was a joke, and it broke my heart to know that out of all the things he could have introduced me as, he chose brother-in-law.
Chris waved at me, still smiling, and I resisted the urge to go over and knock out all his teeth so his smile wouldn’t look so perfect.
“Nice to meet you, Rowan. I’m Christian, Alessandro’s friend.”
Friend my ass. Friends don’t sleep together.
But I had sex with Alessandro too. Did that mean we weren’t friends?
I pushed away the thoughts and cleared my throat.
“Well, nice to meet you, Christian. I was just on my way out.”
“Nice meeting you too, Rowan!” he called out as I hurried out of the house, feeling Alessandro’s eyes on me the entire time.
What right did I have to be angry or jealous when I was the one who deliberately pushed him away?
In fact, this was for the best. It was better if Alessandro got over me.
And yet… why did I still feel so bitter about it?