Harry:
My hands were shaking. It was from the shock. There was no other explanation for it. I had just gotten back from our meeting that was called in case any of us felt tempted to use as a result of the news. Mostly, I think everyone wanted to make sure I wouldn’t use.
I wouldn’t.
My thoughts turned to Tiffany. I owed her an explanation, but it was too late to call and tell her what had happened. I wondered if she missed me tonight. Probably not. She had a house full of guests, and I’m sure she was too busy to even notice my absence. Exhausted, I decided the best thing to do was hit the sack when there was a banging on the door. I glanced at the clock. It was after midnight.
More banging. “Coming,” I said as I ran my fingers through my hair. I guess whoever it was didn’t hear me because they kept on banging.
I opened the door, and Tiffany stumbled past me, making her way into my apartment. She could barely walk. She searched the room as though looking for clues. Her gaze settled on my coffee table. “You blew me off… for…” She picked up my Xbox control and looked at it like it was something foul that needed to be destroyed. “For a fucking video game?”
I had been playing this afternoon when I got the call. I never put it away. “Tiff, you don’t understand,” I tried to explain and watch as she flopped on to the couch. Shit, she was trashed.
“It was my birthday…” Was she about to cry? I don’t think I could handle a crying Tiffany. Not tonight. “My twenty-first birthday.” Her face was masked in sadness. “You said you’d show, and like a fool, I waited, looking for you all night. Only to get a stupid text…” Her shoulders started to shake, and I froze as she began to cry.
“Tiff, please tell me you didn’t drive here.”
“What do you care if I did?” she fired back, her words slurry.
“Tiff, please. How did you get here?”
“U-u-ber,” she said with a shaky breath.
I exhaled in relief. I should have known even drunk Tiffany was sensible. “Do the girls know where you are?”
She shrugged, and I took that as a no. “You have some nerve! Everyone fucking hates you, and I stood by you! For what? You couldn’t even come to my birthday party. You chose a video game over me!” She tossed her face in her hands and started sobbing. “I’ve been so stupid. So, so stupid!”
“Tiff, you have it all wrong. I would never choose a video game over you. Never.”
“Then wh-yy?” she said through a hiccup.
I sat beside her on the couch, but she inched away from me, making herself a tight little ball. “Jon died.”
She sniffed and looked at me through her tears. “Jon?”
“My sponsor. He was found in his apartment. His ex-wife called me. He had asked her to contact me in his suicide note…”
Tiff sat up straight, looking as shocked as I felt as she frantically wiped her tears away. “Suicide?”
“Yeah… he, uh, he overdosed. His ex is moving to California, getting remarried, and taking his kids away. He couldn’t handle it, so he got high one last time I guess. He did enough drugs for ten people tonight.”
Tiffany reached over and took my hand in hers. It was a simple gesture, but for some reason, it gutted me. She could have shied away, could have realized that this was the shit you dealt with when you hang out with a guy who has a drug past, could have wondered if I’d fall off the wagon, too. But instead, she held my hand.
All the pain I had been holding in all night spilled out. I was silent when his wife called. Silent at the meeting. Silent as I wandered the streets. There had been no anger. No tears. Just shock and silence. Removing my glasses, I tossed them on the coffee table and realized I would never speak to Jon again. I had depended on him so much, and I didn’t see how fragile he was.
Instinctually, I hid my face as the tears began to fall hard and fast. Tiffany didn’t cringe. Instead, she let go of my hand and wrapped her arms around me like a mother soothing her child. My head was at her breast as I wept. She held me, allowing me to cry, stroking my hair and comforting me when I had obviously hurt her and ruined her birthday.
I lifted my head, my gaze locking on her teal eyes that were so bold in color from her tears. I wanted to kiss her. I was weak and vulnerable, and I wanted to drown in her.
But, I didn’t. She was the one temptation I could never give in to. I sniffed and straightened, grabbing my glasses and putting them back on. “You should call Brit. Knowing her, the police have already been notified.”
She nodded and looked around the apartment. “Can I stay here? I’m a bit tired. I may have had too much tonight.”
“Uh, yeah. Of course,” I answered before I could think of the consequences. “I’ll take the couch.”
“No, I’ll take the couch. I…” She paused and bit her bottom lip. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t think you should be alone.”
“I won’t do anything, Tiff.”
“I know you won’t. I trust you, I do. But you lost someone you cared for. You shouldn’t have to be alone.”
“But, it’s your birthday.”
She glanced over at the clock—it was a quarter to one in the morning. “No. It’s just another day. I’ll call Brit.” She walked over to the kitchen area to allow herself some privacy, and that’s when I realized how beautiful she looked tonight. She was in an ice blue dress, long hair down with the softest curl. She was angelic, and I wondered what the hell I’d done to deserve her in my life.
She came back in the room, looking relieved that I was still there. I leaned against the wall that separated the living room from the kitchen and stuffed my hands in my pockets.
“So, despite all the drama, did you like the cake?”
“Cake?” Tiffany blinked back at me.
“Yeah, the birthday cake. Brit told me that strawberry shortcake was your favorite. I dropped it off this morning.”
“You bought my cake?”
“I uh…” He laughed. “I made your cake.”
“That gorgeous culinary creation was from you?” She looked forlorn. “I had no idea… no one told me.” Why hadn’t they told her? Now I was aggravated.
“You didn’t even taste it, did you?” The words were cloaked in my disappointment.
“No. I—I was too upset. I’m sorry. I jumped to all these insane conclusions.”
“You had every right to think the way you did. And the girls probably assumed I bought the cake, too. I’m sure with everyone contributing to the party it was overlooked.” I shrugged. “It’s really no big deal.”
“It is a big deal.” She took a step closer. “Thank you.” She kissed my cheek. Her lips were warm, and I closed my eyes, savoring the moment. Her eyes were hazy, and I wondered how much she had drunk tonight.
“Let me get you something to change into. I doubt you want to sleep in that dress.”
“No.” She chuckled. “Not at all.”
I left the room to get Tiff a pair of my pajama bottoms and a shirt to wear. I was hurt that the cake was probably in a garbage can somewhere at the Delta Sig house, but I expected nothing less from Brittany Wakefield.
We had argued once more over who would take the couch, but Tiffany was stubborn and refused to have me sleep on it, saying how it wasn’t appropriate since she had invited herself over in the first place. I got the feeling she didn’t want to sleep in my bed, and for that I couldn’t blame her. It did cross several lines that I was repeatedly drawing in the sand.
Tiffany washed up and returned to the living room, looking adorable in my clothes. She seemed slightly embarrassed when she saw me laying out blankets and pillows for her. “Did you save anything for yourself?”
“I’ll be fine.” I put my hands on my hips. “Uh, the fridge makes a weird buzzing sound, and the upstairs neighbors get up obscenely early so you might hear footsteps overhead in a few hours.” She smiled. “Can I get you anything else?”
She looked at me thoughtfully, but shook her head. “I’m sorry I assumed the worst of you tonight, Harry.”
“It’s fine. Everyone usually does.” Shrugging, I said goodnight and headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I stepped out, the lights were already off, and I assumed she was fast asleep. With all she had to drink, I expected her to crash, hoping she wouldn’t have a wicked hangover in the morning.
Resting my glasses on my nightstand, I got into bed and closed my eyes, trying to make sense of my day. Jon was dead. Tiffany was sleeping twenty feet away, and I was mentally torn between grieving my friend and wanting a girl I could never have. It would be a miracle if I got any sleep tonight. The minutes started to change until a full hour had past. Still wide awake, I wondered if I should read. Anything to quiet my brain. My bedroom door opening was the last thing I expected.
As if she had done it a thousand times before, Tiffany peeled back the covers, crawled into bed beside me, and laid her back against my chest. I wondered if she could feel my heart trembling. Pulling my arm around her waist, she laced her fingers through mine and pressed herself closer as she relaxed in my arms. She felt wonderful, and part of my pain seemed to melt away from the simple gesture. “You know what’s stupid?” she asked, her voice soft.
“What?” My throat was dry, and it was hard to speak.
“You make me feel safe.”
Her words were alarming—terrifying, even. My body stiffened. “I shouldn’t.” The words cracked in my throat.
“I know.” She gave my fingers a squeeze. “But you do.”
Leaning forward, I smelled her hair, wanting to get lost in her scent as I kissed the back of her head with trembling lips. If I truly made her feel safe, then there was nothing I could do but hold her close and do my best to protect her.