Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fourteen
Later that day, I sat downstairs revising. I had been contemplating on whether to tell Mason or not. My Mother seem pretty adamant that she wanted it done in the right way, and that I couldn't just go shouting it out like some bomb shell. In certain aspects of the situation giving, I agreed with her. I still partly hurt deep inside, because she spoke about it like it was nothing. I began to contemplate how my Dad has been able to keep this a secret for this whole time, as my Dad is the one person that can't contain a spoiler of a programme let alone a family secret. It seemed strange.
"Alana...?" Hot breath is at my ear and I let out a quiet gasp. As I turn my head, I realise it's Mason leaning over me, his eyes a beaming deep blue. For once he's not smiling. He always smiles.
"Mason." I state, acknowledging him and then returning my gaze to my science textbook. Instead of melting into his arms like I always do, I try to look like an uncaring statue, something that isn't remotely affected by his presence.
"I'm sorry about yesterday." I hear him say quietly. I raise my eyebrows and look back up at him. "Oh, it's ok...lets just forget it happened." As I look back down at my book, he blurts, "I love you."
I freeze, "What..?" He's starring down at me, his eyes almost pleading in a way. "I love you, Alana." He repeats more clearly. "Do you honestly find our relationship disgusting..?"
"Mason.... we've been through this-"
He cuts me off before I can finish, "I know. But I can't allow you to think disgustingly of me. I love you, Alana...and there's nothing you can say to change that. I will always love you." As he says this, he sits down slowly on the chair beside me. His fists clenched on the table and he looks down at them as if in shame. "I can't lose you. I'm so scared."
"Why are you scared?" I ask and he looks directly at me, his eyes digging into me like daggers. "You're going to swan off to university and I won't be able to see you..." I let out a light breath and blink. "Mason, I'm not 'swanning off'. It's a 3 year course and then I'll be back home and probably trying to find a job. Besides, I'll be coming back for the holidays and half terms as well!" I try to sound cheery for him as I cannot bare to see the look of disappointment on his face.
As much as I hate to admit it, but the guilt of feeling a little attracted to him doesn't sit on my shoulders since Mother telling me the truth. I mean, he isn't actually my biological brother so maybe we could be together? Maybe it isn't 'disgusting'? Maybe we were meant to be. Wait. No. I'm sounding like a loved up teenager.
"Alana..." He breathes. "Promise me something."
I look up from my back, confused, my highlighting loose in my right hand. "What?"
He looks across to me, his eyes hooded and for the first time in this conversation I see a look of darkness in his eyes, something that scares me.
"Please don't get with someone at university." He whispers.
My heart stops and I don't know whether to feel flattered or angry at him. I feel attracted to him but all the same, how dare he try to control what I decide to do when I go out to start a life for myself. It isn't for him to remotely think about or have the cheek to ask. Although, despite my slight irritation, I simply place my hand over his and give him a soft smile then looking back down at my textbook. I cannot exactly answer his question because I simply don't know how to and I don't feel I should promise myself to him.
What if I do meet someone really nice at university? I cannot save myself for someone who is like a big brother to me. It wouldn't be right. Also, Mason needs to find someone. Someone who isn't me.
"Is that a yes?" His soft, eager voice breaks my train of thought.
"I-I don't know, Mason. I don't want to talk about this anymore." I dismiss the conversation quickly, closing my text book and bringing it upstairs with me. I leave him sitting at the table and I try my hardest not to look over my shoulder for him. If I do, his sad, longing eyes will no doubt pull me back to square one. I simply cannot allow this bond of ours to keep growing. Very soon this will all spiral out of control and I will be the one left incredibly hurt.