When I reached the house, it was already beginning to get dark outside since I had stopped to shop for some groceries. I’ve been eating takeout lately and I knew it was because Mom didn’t have anything to cook. So I decided to be a good daughter and get same things for the woman to humor herself with.
Or you just want to consume something other than takeout. My conscience corrected me. I amused myself with the thought of me being that good of a daughter to my mom.
I didn’t bother shout out that I’m home, they wouldn’t have heard me anyways. Their rooms were further back in the house while mine was closer to the door.
I dropped the grocery bags in the kitchen, sorting them out into the cabinets before going up to my room and changing into more comfortable clothes.
I put on a worn out shirt and a pair of shorts that stopped at my mid-thigh. I went to my parents’ room and there they were, laying on their bed, both on their phones with the TV on low volume in the background.
“Mom, I bought some groceries so you can cook dinner tonight,” I told her with an overly sweet smile that solely exists to give people diabetes.
My mom rolled her eyes with a smile on her face. “You know you have to learn how to cook on your own, sweetheart.” I made a face at that and my dad gained a horrid expression when he realized what my mom said.
“We all knew what happened the last time she gave that a try.” He reminded my mom pointedly. I nodded in agreement, partly cheering my dad on because if I was to be honest with anyone, I was simply too lazy to cook.
My mom rolled her eyes again, which caused me to wonder if eyes could actually get stuck in an abnormal position due to the consistent rolling of the eyes.
“She’ll have to learn how to one day and you know that. How is she going to survive on her own? I mean she’s already studying in a university for God’s sake. The least she can do is cook an egg for herself.”
I opened my mouth to protest that I probably can cook an egg for myself but shut my mouth when I came to realized that ‘probably’ probably doesn’t cut it.
I shook my head at their discussion on whether or not it’s worth it to risk me burning our kitchen down just to learn how to cook. I walked away from their room to set up my laptop and start doing my homework.
I had a fight coming up and I needed to keep myself focused. I was losing my will to get through all this street fighting ordeal. Everything in me wanted out from that awful side of my life. But I knew how much I needed to keep this up, I needed to keep my family safe, to keep everyone I love safe. I needed to do this even though what I saw in the park broke my heart, thinking that I might hurt those kids if I beat Cole.
Or maybe he’ll beat you and kill you for destroying his brother’s life.
Or that.
I took my phone out and phoned Jerry’s house to talk to the kids. They would usually be in the living room at this time.
The phone rang twice before someone picked it up. Some shuffling was heard and an annoyed voice floated through the call. “I got it, Pres, just look after Pio.”
My heart skipped a beat when the gruff voice greeted me from the other end of the call.
“Hello?” He cleared his throat before repeating himself and this time his voice sounded smoother, like it had been when he used to whisper jokes in my ear that made me laugh.
My heart leapt and then dropped a few feet. I didn’t know what to do or say. Do I greet him back? What if he remembers my voice?
I called to talk to the children, to gain some resolve to keep going; to remind myself who I was fighting for. Those children have a whole future ahead of them and I’d be damned if I let anyone ruin that for them.
I missed him. I realized as I listened to his voice that was free of resentment. I missed the boy whom I had fallen so hard for. It was like a knife being plunged into my heart when I finally realized why my heart felt heavy. It hurt because I knew I couldn’t go there and hug him. I couldn’t run into his arms and have his comforting voice tell me that everything would be okay.
“Hello?” He repeated once again and without thinking, my mouth opened up on its own and my voice came out.
“Hi,” I breathed out suddenly. I clamped my lips together with my hand, thinking ‘shit’ over and over in my head when I realized what I just did.
“Um, can I help you?” Irritation and confusion was starting to seep into his tone and I felt a pang when I realized how much he’s changed. My Adam was patient and this person wasn’t.
“Yes, can you put Preston on the phone?” I asked hesitantly, not wanting him to move away from the phone. I wanted to listen more to his voice.
“Sure.” He said simply and proceeded to holler for Preston. There was no answer but after a moment of silence, Adam’s voice came through the line again.
“Preston’s just putting my little brother to bed, he’s not really feeling well. He’ll be down in a minute.” Adam explained, this time sounding more like his old self.
“Is Pio alright?” I asked automatically and I instantly knew he heard the concern in my voice.
“You know Pio?” Adam asked. I realized my slip up and bit my lip, slapping my forehead a little too hard.
“Whoa, you okay there?” He sounded surprised, probably having heard the slap. I simply mumbled a ‘yes’.
“Who are you anyways?” I bit my lip harder. Well at least he’s not asking any more questions on how I know Pio’s name. But I think this was much worse than the previous question he asked.
“I- um-” I was about to tell him I was a friend of Preston’s but I already sounded dodgy to my own ears. I was hesitating too much. I didn’t want to lie to Adam. It was why I chose to avoid him rather than lie to him every day.
“I’ll take that,” I heard Preston’s voice in the background and some shuffling as the phone got handed over. I sighed in relief when I heard Preston’s voice greet me. I never knew I would be so happy to hear this jerk’s voice when I first met him because frankly, he was a complete ass.
“Is Pio okay?” I skipped the hello’s as per usual.
Preston chuckled, “Well hello to you too. You know it’s really rude to not greet someone first before asking them for what you need.”
I scrunched my face up at that. “It is?”
“I don’t really know actually but I imagine it to be so.” Preston admitted. I shrugged my shoulders. It wasn’t important enough to be dwelled over at the moment.
“So..?” I asked impatiently. Yes, I’m quite the hypocrite. I feel annoyed at Adam for being impatient but I’m impatient too. But you see, there’s only enough room for one impatient person in the relationship that Adam and I were in and that impatient person should be me.
Welcome to the world of a hypocrite.
“Yes, Pio’s alright. He just got too tired. He was running around a lot with some new friends he made in school and he didn’t rest much the night before. So he got a small fever by the end of the day.” Preston explained. I felt the tension leave my body.
Next question that worried me: “Is Adam suspecting anything from this phone call? Does he seem to recall my voice from any time frame of his life?”
Preston was silent for a bit before answering my question. “He looked a bit curious earlier when he handed the phone over to me but he didn’t seem to remember anything.” He was whispering by now and it was probably for the best that he did.
I was about to ask about how Adam’s holding up. It’s been quite a while since Preston gave me any sort of information about him but Preston beat me to it.
“Case, I think you should tell him the truth.” Preston blurted out softly.
My hand that wasn’t holding the phone played with the pen in front of me and I stared at my laptop screen.
“You know I can’t, Pres. The last time he saw my face...” I trailed off, not wanting to reminisce how he looked that night.
“Yeah, but that’s because someone’s been brainwashing him. There’s no way he came to that conclusion on his own. We all know you loved Mom like she was your own mother. You’re a good person, Case, you couldn’t have done it even if you hated Mom.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. The mention of Carla and what Adam accused me of doing caused tears to form in the back of my eyes.
“I can’t face him, Pres. How am I even supposed to convince him that he’s been fed lies all this time? He thinks that I’m fooling the lot of you and that you’re the one blinded from the truth.” I argued weakly. He knows that I was scared and that’s why I was arguing with him on the matter. But he knows more than anyone that my reasons were valid.
I was scared of rejection. I fell hard for Adam and he caught me the first time but he wasn’t there to catch me anymore. I didn’t want to put myself out there and make myself vulnerable to be hurt.
“Reach out to him, Case, help him remember. You’re the only one who can do that. He’s hurting and he doesn’t even know why but that’s because his conscience knows that he’s missing you in his life right now. You were always there for him when he needed you. He needs you now, Case.”
I breathed deeply, trying to compose myself from the phone call and wiped my eyes dry after I hastily hung up on Preston. I wasn’t going to get anything done at this rate. I quickly started doing my assignments and wrapped it up. I decided to review them after dinner later on and let my mind rest for a while.
The talk I had with Preston made me remember of the promise I made Carla.
I needed to be there for her family. I missed her and she wasn’t even my Mom, she was theirs. They were suffering a greater deal of loss than I was and I couldn’t even imagine how painful it must be for them right now.
Preston was right, Adam was lost and hurting and I should be there for him. I had to be there for him somehow. I needed to think of a way on how to be there for him and help him remember me.
I thought hard about what I could do to help him remember and finally thought of something.
I opened a new file on my laptop and started typing. My mom walked into my room the minute after I was done printing the document and folding it up.
“Case, dinner’s ready.” I nodded. She was about to close the door when I remembered to ask her where the envelopes were.
“I think they’re somewhere in a drawer in my room. I’ll search for them later. What do you need them for?”
“I want to send a letter to a friend.” I told her and I was thankful she didn’t press the matter further.
I left the printed document on top of my laptop, reminding myself to revise my assignment one more time before going to bed, and went down the stairs after my mom.
I hope what I was planning to do works or I’d have to try hitting him over the head again.
But let’s try to minimize the violence.