Chapter 11 ONE LAST CHANCE
I suppose my Mom's words have made him see things her way. Relief washes over me. It means more than I can convey that he supports me in this decision to leave. It is the complete opposite of what he felt only half an hour ago.
The peaceful silence we fall into grows. Mom and Dad smile at each other then at us. I know what this means for us and it is going to be harder than I imagined it would. I feel a strange sense of comfort when Samuel reaches under the table and places his hand on top on mine. Our hands rest in my lap.
"I guess I should start packing then," I say, breaking the silence.
"Would you like some help?" Mom offers.
"I would like that."
It is going to be the last time she will get to spend any time together with me for a while. I need this because I am going to be parted from her for who knows how long.
Samuel gives me an encouraging nod. "I'll just run into town and fill up the tank for our journey back. It's going to take us at least two hours to get there providing traffic is good." He says.
"Okay," I smile weakly. I know he is just trying to give me my space and I appreciate it. This won't exactly be easy. Saying goodbye never is.
He releases my hand and stands to his feet. My parents and I follow after him to the door. After he opens it he turns back to me.
"I'll be back in an hour. Will that be enough time?"
I nod. He returns it in reply and gives me and my parent's one last glance before exiting through the door.
He pulls it closed behind him. It is only a minute later I hear the start of the car engine and he is gone.
The emptiness I feel when I am alone creeps back up inside me again. The same emptiness I had felt continuously until yesterday; until Samuel saved me...or is trying to anyway.
Mom places her hand on my shoulder and causes me to turn from the wooden door and face her, revealing the empty look in my eyes I know she wouldn't miss.
Concern crosses her face. She is worried for me. Dad wears a similar look.
"Come on, honey. I'll find the suitcases," she says.
I let her lead me up the stairs to my room. She leaves me by the door while she rummages through my closet for the luggage.
I take a slow look around my room, taking in everything that is familiar about it. I am creating a memory, one that I will not forget.
After a few minutes of banging around she reaches them and pulls them down from the top of the closet. She places each one on my bed, side by side.
I still have not moved from the spot she left me in.
"Would you like me to call him back?" she asks softly.
I knew who she means."No," I say. "I'll be fine."
She watches me in silence for a moment before speaking back up again. "He seems to help you. You don't quite seem so empty when he's around," she notes.
"I think he will be good for you."
"We have something in common. He understands what I'm going through," I answer, trying not to wince at the painful memory of that day in the cafe. I quickly push it from my mind.
"I'll start over here," I say, walking towards my dresser and opening one of the drawers.
I pull out the first articles of clothing my hands touch and carries them over to my bed where the suitcases are.
Mom doesn't speak of Samuel anymore seeing my reaction to my own words. When the tension dissipates she walks to my closet and begins pulling the clothes from my closet. in big bunches, she carries them to my bed until they are just one large heap beside the cases. Picking up one article at a time, she folds them and places them neatly inside the suitcases.
Her work looks much better than the suitcase I am working on, more organized. She has definitely honed the tidiness skill much better than I.
We are nothing alike, my mother and I. Nor am I like any of the other she-wolves in the pack. I am different. I don't share their same ideas they have.
Most of them have taken on the role of mothers and homemakers. None of them holds any real positions in the pack and that bothers me. Why it doesn't bother anyone else is incomprehensible to me. I guess I am truly different than them.
No doubt that's why Logan loves Josephine so much. She is exactly what he looks for in a Luna, submissive, not at all outspoken. She will make the perfect little mate while he runs the pack. I always feel that running a pack is a two person job, not one.
I continue packing up the dresser until I can't bear it no longer. I fall onto the bed in a slump. Mom jerks her head towards me before walking to the bed and takes a clean spot next to me.
"What's wrong with me, Mom?"
She wraps her slender arm around my shoulders, in an act of comfort and sighs wearily. "You just lost your mate honey. There is nothing wrong with you. This is a completely natural reaction to that."
I shake my head. "No not that. I mean my whole life. Why am I so different from all the other female wolves?"
Sympathy crosses over her features as she stares back at me. "There is nothing wrong with you, honey. You are your own person." Of course she would say that. She's my mother.
"But look at you and look at me," I say. "You chose to stay home and care for your mate and raise a family just as most everyone chooses. In school, all the girls were so excited about finding their mates so that they would claim them and they could start baring pups. I wasn't like that. I mean sure I wanted to find mine, but settling down was, and is, the last thing on my mind. I want some excitement and adventure. Exactly what a real Luna should want. Not just to bear the next Alpha."
I don't know if she can understand where I am coming from, but I need someone to comfort me and tell me I am right to feel the way I do. I haven't expressed my opinions much in the past due to causing possible conflict in the pack. However, now that I am leaving them, there is nothing preventing me from being honest.
"I know that you have never approved of the way things are in our pack and I can understand that. You're just so much like your father. You're strong willed, stubborn and opinionated; the exact opposite of me. I made my choice. This is the life I wanted. But you, you are so much more than I am. You will make a difference. You are a leader."
"Really," I smile, slightly cheered. Then I sigh at a sudden realization. "I don't feel like much of a leader right now. I feel weak, insignificant."
She smiles warmly at me. "That's because you're broken. You're not yourself right now. It's going to take some time to get yourself back. But don't worry, you will."
I suppose she has a point. He words strike something in my memory. A conversation that Samuel and I had earlier today.
"I am physically unable to be an Alpha to my pack. I'm too weak right now to make any decisions. My Beta is taking over for me until I am able to resume my position again, whenever that maybe." He had said.
I feel like I have a better understanding of what he felt now. Was his wolf missing too? Did he have no one to guide him? You can't lead a pack if your wolf is missing.
That brought another question to mind. "Will I get her back?" I ask. "My wolf I mean."
"She's been distant," she acknowledges. "Well that's reasonable all things considering. She's hurt too. The only difference between the two of you is that you have someone to console you and she doesn't. She's grieving all alone."
That is exactly what I would be doing if not for Samuel, grieving alone.
"Oh," I mumble, understanding washing over me.
"Don't worry, sweetie." She pats my hand gently. "I think that with a little time and healing she'll be back. It's probably going to take her a little longer to heal than you, that's all."
That makes sense. Like Mom said, she is all alone. Even I can't help her.
"Thanks, mom," I smile lightly. "I don't know how I'll survive without our talks when I'm gone."
"You'll manage," she says confidently. "You'll have Samuel. And we can always talk on the phone. Maybe even visit if it's possible."
That comforts me.
"You can visit anytime you like," I assure her.
A tear escapes my eye when she wraps her arms around me, giving me a tight hug.
"I love you, Mom," I whisper.
"I love you too, honey."
Once she lets me go I stiffen. The atmosphere around us has changed and the smell in the air is one I know anywhere. I feel my wolf starting to stir. So she is still here. She doesn't try to resurface, but she isn't remaining dormant either.
My eyes flash to the doorway where my dad sticks his head in as if testing the water. He looks almost remorseful.
"Grace," he says as he enters, "Someone is here to see you."
I stand up abruptly from my bed and back into to the furthest corner of my room to get away from him. I can't. I just can't be near him.
"No," I whisper. "I can't see him again. Send him away."
But it is too late. He is already in my room standing before me, next to my dad. I feel as if I am suffocating. The proximity between us is entirely too close.
He is in my room! Why?
My mom looks visibly upset at my dad. She glares at him and Logan both before speaking. "William, how could you? You know what he put her through."
This is the first time in my life I have seen her stand up to my father. She is always on his side. She believes in standing with her mate, no matter the circumstances. This is a complete departure from the norm.
My dad hangs his head shamefully. "I'm sorry. I had to let him in."
Logan chooses this time to speak up. He is looking directly at me. "Don't be mad at him. He had no choice except to let me in. It was orders."
It is startling how much his voice and everything about him still affect me. It isn't fair. When he chose Josephine that should have vanished. He has no right to be back here.
The hurt I feel is still present, but unlike last time, there is also so anger mixed in with it.
"Could I please speak to Grace alone please?" It seems like a request, but I can hear the order underlining his tone. They have to comply. They are still a part of this pack.
They both nod in submission and my mother stands from the bed. Father waits for her to reach him and they both exit together.