46

I finally have a couple of days off before I have to go to the university hospital again. There's so many things I could do, but instead I'm just watching re-runs on tv with a clogged nasal passage. Sunny entertained me today, but only for a bit. After a while, she said she was starting to feel sick by just looking at me. I was too sick to feel offended. In reality, the cold has subsided quite a bit. My head feels better and my throat doesn't make me want to drown in a pool of cold water anymore. All that's left is a cough and the need to stock up on lotion tissues. Jaewook, as usual, has been perfectly capable of keeping himself busy. He has made more of an effort to give me some TLC a bit each day, which I appreciate. However, it's late in the day and Zen already told me he's hanging out at his best friend's place for the night. It means that I'm going to be alone tonight if Jaewook doesn't come over and quite frankly, I despise being at home alone. There's something about being in this apartment alone all night—no matter how small it is—that makes me feel like the last human alive. Lonely, scared, even cold—I can't sleep knowing someone else isn't sleeping just a bedroom door away. So I texted Jaewook not so slyly. D: Zen isn't coming home tonight. I feel lonely. I don't like feeling lonely :( make me feel better? :) I had sent this a few hours ago, but now the sun has officially set and I'm still a lump on our couch—alone aside from Podo who is looking out the window. Usually I wouldn't obsess over the lack of a reply from Jaewook, but he has been making sure to reply quickly ever since I got sick. And he almost always replies once the end of the day has rolled around. And he never mentioned going out for the night. Despite trying to push these thoughts away, my legs end up shaking with anxiety, my hands growing cold and clammy. I hate this intuition that I feel. It's rare—thank god—because I only feel this way when something isn't right. My muscles feel too tense, so I finally get up to throw away my tissues and stretch. I turn off the tv, planning to just go to bed somehow, but end up freezing with the remote in hand. "No, no please," I mutter to myself as I frantically walk to the kitchen to get a drink and shake off my thoughts. But I hear more noise. There's no denying it, it's not a mistake. It's not from outside. Just when I'm about to lose my mind, my phone chimes with the sound of a message. JW: I don't think I can come over My brain seems to freeze momentarily as I read this. A new message shakes me out of my trance. JW: You should listen to that playlist I made you to help you sleep This could be completely harmless, a typical message about music. But it isn't. I've learned enough about Jaewook to know his patterns. He never tells me he can't do something with me without giving a reason why. "No, no, no, not again." I try and try to distract myself for a while. I even try listening to the playlist he had sent to me five days ago, but it doesn't work. I can't shut off my brain—I've never really been good at it. I simply can't help myself. Call me nosy or overprotective or whatever, but I can't stand hearing the shouting from next door. My hands shake much more this time than the time before. I can barely remember that time—it seems like so long ago—but like then, my fingers press the bell and then my hands ram on the door. However, unlike last time Jaewook's mother opens the door. As soon as I see her face, a certain adrenaline kicks into gear, the adrenaline I get when I'm in a scenario in our practical classes in school; the adrenaline of knowing someone is in danger and only you can help at that moment. Her eyes are red, the skin of her face littered with purple spots. Her hands immediately clasp together. "Please, please, save him. I'm sorry, forgive me—get him out of here. He—he won't listen to me." I have a hard time understanding her manic sobs. Then I'm confused as to whether she's talking about her husband or her son. "Mrs. Im, is there anywhere you can go for the night? A friend or family member?" Her hands come over her mouth as she shouts from the loud noise that sounds from behind her. She's shaking like a leaf in a hurricane, just waiting to be ripped from its branch. "Mrs. Im, look at me. Is there somewhere you can go?" She nods frantically as she stutters what I assume to be someone's name. "Go there please, right now. Stay the night there." "B-but—Jaewook—" "I'll get him out." I muster all of the confidence I can in strengthening my voice and leading her out of the house. I give her the most reassuring look I can before she hesitantly goes down the hall. Taking the biggest breath I can, I head inside and close the door behind me. "Please give me strength, please please please," I whisper out of nowhere, begging anyone or anything to hear. The yelling resonates in my ears once more as the two men make their way into my vision. Jaewook has his father pinned against the wall. His head is shaking with fury, his clothes torn and bloodied. His father is drunk. Why is he drunk all of a sudden when he had been abstinent for so long? I can't even begin to wonder. But the hatred and violence in his eyes are enough to make my spine shiver. He quickly knocks Jaewook down. "Stop it!" I shout out as I head towards them. "Destiny, get out of here!" Jaewook screams so loudly that his voice comes out hoarse. It shakes me momentarily, but he's the most bloody I've ever seen him and it disgusts me. Absolutely disgusts me. "Get the hell away from him," I seethe. I pull the monster away from Jaewook, but he quickly pushes me back. "Go away, this is a man-to-man conversation," his father says to me before grabbing Jaewook once again by the collar of his shirt. Before I can get up, he uppercuts Jaewook in the stomach so hard that he collapses on the ground. With wide eyes and a gaping mouth, he inhales profusely. I can't help the scream that leaves my mouth as I push his father so hard that he hits the wall. But it's futile. I know I'm strong, but I'm only as strong as a sick 22-year-old college girl can be. I can't beat this grown man who quite clearly works out. So it doesn't take long for him to turn the tables. My breathing is so heavy that it hurts as it pushes through my lungs, my eyes are wide as they try to take in as much as they can through the darkness. I hit the wall as he pushes me against it. My eyes clench shut as my lips tremble with fear. He's so close that I can smell his breath, I can smell the rancid alcohol. His hand clutches my neck and I gasp for any air I can get. "You, you're putting ideas, thoughts, in his head," he slurs the words at me with eyes half closed. "You're a problem," he squeezes his hands even tighter. I can feel the blood pooling in my head, dangerously filling my brain. The struggle grows harder to bear as my mind wavers, oxygen being cut off from it. Everything I've learned about self-defence and the human body kicks into gear before I lose my mind completely. I tuck in my shoulders and chin, trying to protect my neck as much as I can as I was taught. But after a while of struggling, I'm close to giving up, my kicks against him slowing down as I begin to accept my fate. I suddenly see Jaewook standing behind him. My eyes grow even bigger as I stare at him in fear, unable to say anything. He puts a finger to his lips, which are covered in his own blood. I clench my eyes shut again, wanting to cry out. Then I hear a bang as the man collapses by my feet. I collapse as well, lungs burning like fire as they search for oxygen. Jaewook tosses the broken chair aside and leans down. "Are you okay?" "No," I croak out painfully, still trying to breathe normally, but it feels impossible now. I'm lifted up so quickly that the air once again escapes me. I feel so lost, dazed, confused that I can't comprehend what's happening. My head hangs as Jaewook carries me around. Then I'm sitting down somewhere. I feel myself move uncontrollably, but I can't tell if it's my brain moving from within my skull, or something in the environment around me. Before I can figure it out, I black out, my oxygen deprived brain giving up momentarily and deciding to take a rest in order to gain its strength back. ...