Chapter 66 I need you baby
“You need to open your Elara, you can’t do this, I didn’t sleep with her, I didn’t even let her come close to me, I didn’t touch her, I need to make sure you are fine,” I whispered yelled.
My hand softly made contact with the door, my eyes filled with emotions, I didn’t have to see her or know that she was crying her eyes out, I didn’t gag to see her to realize the things that filled her mind, I didn’t have to see her to know she hated my guts.
I didn’t sleep with Sophie and I will never do that, not her not anymore, I promised Elara to be loyal when we got married, maybe she didn’t know that but I did.
I glanced at the door when I settled on the floor, I could kick the door open but knowing Elara, she would flee into the bathroom, and lock it again, she needed time and that’s what I would give to her.
“Yes I lied about many things, because I didn’t know how to tell you about any of this, but I promise to tell you the truth, I know today has been a lot, you saw Darren kill himself, you didn’t even know him and yet you feel this much pain for him,” I whispered.
I know she could hear me, I know she didn’t block her ears and try and listen to music so she won’t hear a word that ever my lips.
I know Elara better than anyone and I know that she listened to every word.
“Darren was great, he was good, but not all of the time, I didn’t know why, maybe I did but I always tried to deny it, it had always been hurtful, it has always bene horrible whenever I think about my past, I didn’t lie when I say, my mom was big on traditions and she loved Christmas, I didn’t lie when I said she always wanted us to have dinner together, I didn’t even lie when I said she loved cooking, she did love to cook, cooking was therapy to her, when her and dad would fight, she would always head to the kitchen or make a meal, when she is too happy, she will cook too but yet you can easily tell the difference between that,” I stated with a smile on my face.
It gel like I could recall her, I could recall everything about her without the bad parts, I didn’t like the bad parts, I never wanted to think about the bad parts, it made me feel ruined, it made me feel like everything else I thought about, was not real, it was not there at all.
“You know, I didn’t know she was not my real mother until I turned eleven, it was hard, very hard, when Harry told me about it, he didn’t say it in secret, he announced it to the whole house, it was during dinner and I recall staring at dad with so much anxiety, waiting for him to tell me Harry is wrong, but he was not, my father could not even defend the words that Harry said, and that night, I left home for the first time,” I explained.
Each time I talked about it, I could remember it in my memory which filled my mind, it felt like these memories were something I had buried long ago, maybe that’s why I could not speak about it to Elara, I was scared, I didn’t have it in me to remember the horrible memories
I needed to; I had to do it, to make sure that she trusts me, she believes that I will never ever hurt her.
“You know, I thought they will all be worried when I leave, but they were not, no one came looking for me, I was gone for two days, I stayed with my friend, before I come back home, when I came home, they were having lunch together, I could hear their laughter form the door and you have no idea how it made me feel, you have no idea how hurt I was, how much I lost my sanity and how angry I was, I yelled at my father, I yelled at everyone,” I said softly.
My eyes filled with tears at the thought of that.
“There were always signs that my father preferred his other family than me and he wished I was not there, signs that I always ignored and there were signs that, my mother, or should I say my step mother didn’t like me either, there were signs that she didn’t care more about me as much as she cared for Holden, Harry, Darren, but I always ignored it, but she loved them more; she always cared for them more; she saw them as her kids and me as someone that was just there, Harry hated me the most because he didn’t want me to be leader but I am going to be leader; I had to leader because I am the first kid, coming form his prodigal wife and Elara please just open the door, I promise not to lie this time.” I breathed out.
I didn’t want to lose her, I have lost so many people in my life, Elara is the only person that is left, I didn’t want her to hate me, I didn’t know if I could handle the thought of her leaving me, the thought of her treating me this way, and I didn’t blame her.
“If you want, I can get the guards to bring Sophie and I will murder her right in front of you, I will kill her in a way that you want her to die and I swear I will show no mercy just to prove that’s you that I don’t care for her and I never did, just to show that. She means nothing to me.” I breathed out
There was still no movement from inside; I didn’t even hear her cries or whimper and it made me scared.
Fuck.