Chapter 15 Two months
“Were you trying to run away?.” I heard a voice from behind, it was hidden by the rain spattering loudly on the windows aching it to make a noise, I had gotten used to that, I didn’t jump like I use to when I was a kid, it didn't scare me anymore
“I could not sleep.” I breathed out, pouring the milk into my cup and I headed for the living room.
The soft air danced across my skin, my mind still filled with the same thoughts.
“What’s wrong with papa?.” I asked Adrian and my eyes met his, he settled beside me.
“You should have asked him before you ran away.”
“It already happened Adrian, I can’t change the fact that if I did run away, I was angry and upset, I didn’t want to speak to him and I wanted to- hurt me for making you feel hurt.” He said cutting me off and my eyes met his.
“Is that a bad thing?.” I asked and he didn’t speak. “Who are the people in that portrait in the hallways? Whose home is this?.” I asked.
“No one and it doesn’t concern you, what matter is that you are safe and there is no one coming for you or even thinking about hurting you.” He stated as my eyes met his.
It’s his family, I know that look, why didn’t he want to talk about them, there are things he is hiding, one that I didn’t seem to understand why he would hide it.
My eyes were on his briefly and I looked away
“Your papa has stage four cancer.”
My breath hitches as I stared at him, that didn’t sound good, can we save him.
“How long does he have?.” I asked.
“Two months.” Adrian stated and my eyes filled with tears, six months, when did he plan on telling me? We had so much planned for our lives and now he is going to leave me. “He wanted ro tell you but he was scared of what you will feel, and he is right, you will hate him for leaving you, you will hate him for even having the thought of that.”
“I don’t hate him.” I breathed out, my voice so low I could barely hear the thoughts in my mind. “He wants me to marry you because he is scared, worried I will be all alone when he dies, he is scared will have no one with me to help me with the grief.” I breathed out.
In a second, I felt his hand warp around me, he pulled me closer to him.
My papa is going to die, I am never going to see him again, I am about to lose him, my body filled with goosebumps of fear when my mind goes sideways as my tears tinted with more tears.
“I don’t- he is scared to lose you.”
“Easy for you to say, you know nothing about any of this.” I breathed out when I pulled away. “How long have you known about this?.”
“Don’t lie to me.” I added.
“I was there when it happened. When he passed out ar the meeting, we both had and I called my doctor to check on him, I found out three months ago, he sworn me to secrecy, to never tell a soul, unless wanted to die.” He added and my eyes met his
Is this why he would always travel, he didn’t travel, he was going to treatment, is this why he never wanted me to wander into his room again, because I will see the drugs, I will know he is loosing his hair.
Is this why he suggested he would shave all of his hair of and it will make him even look more better and dangerous and I agreed to that.
It was all his way of coping, so I will not find out about it.
“Death is the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone and for your father, is knowing you are all alone in this world without anyone.”
“I- I whispered so low, my voice breaking as I stared at Adrian. “You have lost someone before.” I whispered as he looked away.
It’s someone from the picture.
“Who?” I asked. “Please.” I whispered.
“My family.” He said and my breath hitches
He lost every one, how did he live like that, I can’t even bare the thought of losing my father, the thoughts eating me out, it terrified me
Adrian is strong but I am not.
“When I lost mama, I was so mad at papa for not doing better, for lot keeping her safe and for years I was hopeful she is alive and waiting for me then I stopped thinking about her, if papa could not find her for years, it meant one thing and I never wanted to think about the possibility to that.” I breathed out
I can still recall my old self, how I would write a letter on her birthday and store it in my wardrobe, then I knew I have to accept reality, I needed to do that, I need to remember that she is gone. And we may never see her again.
“My papa is going to die.” I breathed out, reality hitting me when he wrapped his hand around me and he pulled me closer to him, he rubbed some circles on my back when more tears streamed down my cheek
My heart filled with pain as I stared at the ceiling, the man trains my hero, he is ment to be here to see mu grand kids, to love and to care for them, and I know he is always going to protect them,
I need to tell him I love him, I care for him and I always want to be with him, I need to tell him that I would never ever forget him and he is everything to me, I want to make him happy.