Chapter 36

She turned to leave but I stopped her this time. “Wait!” She turned around right away. “C-C-Can I have an h-h-hug?” She came right over and wrapped me in her motherly arms. The hug was filled with so much love that the tears fell from my face. It reminded me of my mother's hugs. She must have felt my tears because she squeezed me tighter. We hugged for a solid few minutes before I moved away. “Thank you.”

“Anytime Bella. Now go to your father, he needs to talk to you.” I just nodded and wiped my face. I made my way out of the kitchen and into my Dad’s office. I just walked in and sat down because he was expecting me.

“Hello, Miele.” I smiled at the name.

“Hi, Dad. What did you need to talk to me about?” He sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

“Two things. First is how you have been doing. I know you don’t want to go back to the hospital but if this continues we are going to have to go. However, to try and prevent this I have hired a doctor to come to live in the clinic here at the house so when you are sick or in pain, he can take care of you here.” I sighed and slumped in my chair.

“Thank you for that. Really Dad, thank you.” He smiled and rubbed his hands together.

“Last thing I want to talk to you about is Liam.” I took in a sharp breath and squeezed my hands together.

“Don’t worry Love, he isn’t going to be able to come near you again. I just want to be able to answer some of your questions about everything.” I took a deep breath and sighed.

“I don’t think I can talk about it right now. I am so tired and it is too fresh. I’ll come to you when I’m ready.” Dad sighed and nodded.

“That sounds great.” He was cut off with a huge yawn escaping my mouth. He chuckled and came over to me. “Let’s get you into bed.” I just groaned and shook my head. He looked confused as I got up. I walked straight toward the couch in his office and laid down. He realized what I was doing and came over. He pulled a huge fluffy blanket on me and I sighed happily. I was finally being able to sleep.

“I love you Dad.” I felt him rubbing his hand down my face.

“I love you too il mio tesoro.” I smiled and fell into a dreamless sleep.

“Lo ha ancora confessato?” I woke up to quiet yet hard voices. My head felt very light and my body felt very weak. Waking up not being sick is very refreshing. I know that I’m getting worse. It hurts because I can’t do anything about it. The cancer is eating away at me and I can’t stop it. I’m scared. I’m scared not only for my life but for their lives also. Within a short time, I’ve become so close to the boys and if something were to happen to me, I’m scared they won’t move on. Cancer doesn’t just affect the person who has it but it also affects the people around them. Cancer sucks. I don’t know why I have to have it or why it has to kill so many innocent people. I was knocked out of my thoughts by someone slamming a hand down on the table. I jumped awake to see Dad and Ian sitting at his desk. My sudden movement caught their eyes because they turned their heads toward me. Dad threw a look at Ian and then looked back at me. He gave me a smile and softened his eyes.

“Have a nice nap Bug?” I just gave him a small smile back and nodded. Ian went to leave but Dad’s strong voice cut through the air. “Se non collabora, uccidilo.” Ian paled but nodded. With that, he left Dad’s office. Dad got up and came and sat next to me on the comfy couch. Even though I just woke up, I felt extremely tired. I leaned my head on his shoulder and sighed. “Are you still tired?”

“Yeah, I guess…” I trailed off at the end, debating if I should tell him how I feel.

“Is there something on your mind?” I looked at him and broke down.

“I’m so scared Dad. I’m so weak and I’m always weak. I don’t know how I haven’t croaked yet. I don’t want to die but it feels like I am. I don’t want to go back to the hospital but I don’t want to die because I refused to go. I don’t know what to do. I can feel it now. Before, it was just someone telling me I was sick but now, I feel it in my body. I feel it killing me, little by little. It hurts. I’m so scared.” He just sat there for a minute, rubbing my head because my hair was gone.

“I know Bri. I’ve seen it myself. I’ve fought with myself over this. It is very scary for me too. You know what I think and where I think you should be.” I just broke and started to sob.

“I know. I know. I know.” I stuffed my head in his shoulder and sobbed. It took a good amount of time to calm me down before I spoke again. “I think I need to go back to the hospital Dad.” I barely said over a whisper. He just squeezed me harder and put his head on mine.

“I’m glad you decided that. I’ll call the doctor and tell him we will be coming back. I want you to try and relax a bit. Don’t worry about telling the boys. I will talk to them and tell them. I want you to go to your room and pack stuff for the hospital. Pack comfy clothes, blankets, pillows, anything you want there. If you forget something, don’t worry. One of us will be with you at all times.” I picked my head off of him and wiped my tears. I gave him a small smile and got up. However, when I stood, I almost collapsed. Dad was quick to catch me so I didn’t fall.

“I’m sorry.” I groaned and threw my head back. I am so tired of being like this. Why couldn’t I be normal? Why did I have to be sick? I wish I was normal. I wish I could be better. Why couldn’t I catch a break? I felt Dad pick me up. I just rested my head on him and let him carry me. We ended up in my room and he set me down on my bed.

“Are you okay enough to pack?” I just nodded. He kissed my head and gave me one last squeeze before he left. I slowly stood on shaky legs and started to pack my stuff. My thoughts were racing and I couldn’t escape them. What if this was the last time I went to the hospital? What if I couldn’t come home? What if I died there? I just slid down my wall and sobbed. I wanted to die for so long, why was it so hard now? I sat there, wallowing in my depressive thoughts, wanting to escape. I stopped crying after a bit but I just stayed sitting, staring into nothing. I heard someone come into my room but I had no power to move and see who it was. Whoever it was didn’t make themselves known. I heard rustling around my room but I couldn’t move. It wasn’t until Dad came into my view that I knew it was him. However, he walked past me and into my closet. I slowly turned my head to see him packing bags.

“W-W-What are you doing?” My voice trembled as it cut through the air.

“I’m just helping you, Honey. I know that you aren’t in a state where you can pack for yourself. It’s okay. I’m here to help.” He came back out of my closet and handed me some new clothes. “Why don’t you go change in the bathroom and then we can go.” I numbly nodded and Dad helped me up. I slowly made my way to the bathroom. I quickly changed into my clothes so I didn’t have to look at myself. He gave me some Thrasher sweatpants and one of the boy’s hoodies. He also gave me a beanie to put over my head. I left the bathroom to see Dad holding a few bags in one hand.

“I’m ready,” I whispered out. I looked at him and tears came to my eyes again. “I’m so scared Dad.” My bottom lip trembled and my body shook. He quickly put the bags down and came over to me.

“Oh Principessa, come here.” I walked into his arms and let out a shaky breath.

“Let’s sit for a minute.” He sat us down on my bed and put his arm around me. We sat in silence for what seemed like forever but it was merely only a few minutes. He broke the thick silence with his soft voice. “Do you know how it feels to be the most powerful man in the world yet feel so powerless right now? I, James Black have always gotten what I wanted. No matter what it was, I got it. Now the only thing I want I can’t get. Do you know what I want?” I just shook my head. “I want you to not be sick. I want to take this away from you. I want to make you better. I want you to be able to be you. It is so incredibly hard for me to sit back and watch this go down. I am so powerless in this situation and it’s killing me.” I looked up at him and saw tears in his eyes. “Bri, you have to promise me something.”

“Anything Dad.” I quickly responded.

“I need you to promise me you won’t give up. I need you to promise me that you won’t stop fighting. I can’t lose you.” He stopped and wiped his face. He let out a shaky breath before continuing. “I’m not going to lose you.” He said as he wrapped both of his arms around me.

“I will try my best. I need you to promise that you will be there for me. Even when it’s hard to see me or when you don’t want to. I can’t do this alone.”

“I would never, ever, leave you, Love.” I just sighed in contentment and soaked in his cuddles. We both pulled away after a while and gave each other small smiles. “Let’s get going before the boys know.” He laughed and I giggled at him.

“You haven’t told them yet?” He smirked and shook his head.

“No, those jerks ate the rest of my ice cream. I’m not telling them anything. Let them figure it out.” I just laughed harder and my smile got bigger.

“Oh, Dad.” He just smiled at me and helped me up. He grabbed all of the bags into one hand and put his other arm around me. We made it downstairs and outside without the boys noticing. Dad helped me into the passenger's seat of his car and put the bags in the back. He then got into the driver's seat.